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Dealing with the EX STEP KID *Harsh language...read at your own risk*

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 11:09am

Thank you all for helping me with this issue. But something still isn't sitting well. In the beginning of our relationship (4-5 months in) I was open to my then boyfriend spending time with this child. However, once I invited him over when he was with both of them and he told me that he thought it wouldn't be a good idea since BM might have a problem with her kid being around me. Ok, well from then on, I never even considered or EVER wanted to be around that child. Well now, I guess since "she's" okay with it, I'm supposed to be okay with it now too. Why is everything on her damn time. She didn't want me around her son then, and I don't want HIM around me now. Sheesh...just because she isn't bitching and moaning anymore the *world is now spinning on it's axis again*. While I want my husband to myself and not have to watch him spending time with his ex's child, it bothers me more that it's like we are always revolving around her feelings. *Don't do this or that because it will make her mad and she's a wild banshee and will cause scenes in the middle of the street and make idle threats to ourselves or our home so we have to keep her calm. What about keeping me calm and happy. What, just because I'm nobody's baby's mama, I don't deserve the same consideration??? F* her and F* my husband at this point too! Whew...that felt better! Smile

Comments

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 11:20am

AMEN Sista!!!!

going on 9 yrs together, married 7 in a few weeks..... bm's feelings don't seem to matter anymore..... i don't recall when it changed or how it changed, but dh never really gave a fuck about bm and her feelings, BUT he catered to her to AVOID "dealing" with her.

WTFever, finally it's better in regards to her.

next time dh cowards down to bm, why don't you ask him wtf he is so scared of??? and ask does he need help finding his nut sack, b/c he certainly looks like a big fat pussy the way she pushes him around.....

you said harsh language... there you have it... best of luck!!

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 11:49am

BM is going to be unhappy and throw a fit anyway so who cares. Let her! Who cares.

This is what my SO said to me one time when I said what is Crazo going to do?

He is right. Let her throw a fit...really what can she do but that. She is already trying to PAS the skids, so does it matter what she says?

I will answer that question! NO!!!!!!!

allinall's picture

Submitted by allinall on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 11:40am

Exactly!!!! And that is what I've tried to tell my husband. But you should see how pathetic he is when he is walking on eggshells with her. On the phone trying to be polite when clearly she's being condenscending. He doesn't seem to care though as long as she isn't yelling, cursing or taking him back and forth to court. Wish I could take his ass to court for something...maybe then he'd grow a pair. LOL It kills me how these BDs will take all kinds of shit for the sake of seeing their kids. I'm not a parent so I haven't experienced that kind of love, so maybe I'm just unaware. But I'd be damned if you would use my child as an excuse to control me or treat me like dirt. I'd straight call her bluff on that one if I were him. She'd pull it together at least to get rid of her kid EOW and all summer. Someone needs to show her that no one is playing with her and trust me she'd tighten up. I tried to explain this to him, but he's concerned with his son suffering from that type of disengagement. But I'm like, what is it teaching him to watch mom succeed at manipulating dad. I know it's wrong, but I'm starting to almost sympathize with me who walk away. Ouch....it really hurt to type that, but, what real man wants to put up with all that BULL.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:00pm

I think you have every right to feel like you do toward BM and the fact that it seems the world revolves around her. The kid, though, is not at fault. If he is an ok kid and the only problem you have is with the BM, then it does not seem fair not to let him be around. The moment he is disrespectful, unappreciative or anything like that, things would change. He should not pay the price for his mom though, in my opinion. Just because his mom used him to make a point against you, does not mean others should do the same.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 3:09pm

To make you feel better - there is a new show on TV called Prime Suspect and it is written by a SM - the BM in the show is freaking loco and Maria Bello the star really puts her in her place in the first episode but even better is that it shows how loco BM's are and I really only watch it now to see what the crazy BM is going to do and how Maria Bello reacts - watch it and feel a little better!! Smile Smile

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 8:30pm

"...he told me that he thought it wouldn't be a good idea since BM might have a problem with her kid being around me."

After that comment, the child is no longer coming to my home. Problem solved. That's how they wanted it. They don't get to change the game simply because it's a day that ends in "Y". I don't do wishy-washy.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 7:27am

I agree, I even went so far as to ask a DOCTOR which bleeding heart, wishy washy, liberal bible do I need to read THIS TIME! This is MY HOME! DH and I put blood sweat and tears into this place and I am damned if I will let some snot nosed brat dictate to me in it.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 7:29am

Yes indeed! I put boundaries down...DH told me he's glad I did that too. I actually found that waiting for him to do it was a waste of time because I really had to stand for my own self...or that would make me the wuss...right?