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MIL teaching SD to be a mini wife

Ashleytenorio17's picture

If you have read my blogs before you know the struggle I have with my over stepping MIL. Also SD has not been coming on her weekends and when she does she will stay at MIL house the entire weekend, good... Funny how SD all the sudden cares about MiL when she never ever did before . I also think SD is over there telling them lies as to why she does not wanna come to our house. SD has been extremely jealous of the fact the DH has other children, something that BM has also expressed . Well DH and I got into a argument on Friday, I went to a girlfriends house to clear my head and DH tell MiL about me leaving to my girlfriends house and I'm not even sure he told her why I left but DH was totally incthe wrong . Well today I saw MiL text to DH in which she blames me for DH "losing love" for SD!!! And says I'm not worth him losing His daughter and the love he has for her... excuse me ? I'm his wife not SD and I have nothing to do with the reason why SD doesn't come over anymore! She then told him that he should leave me and just pay child support because then he would gain SD back. I'm just sooooo angry , how dare she tell my husband he needs to leave ME over something he did wrong and wtf does it even have to do with SD!!!! Her solution is for him to walk out on his family and me! You know I'm the only one workinh and supporting every one but this is what she thinks?!??!?! Also what does SD have to do with anything and what is SD tellin MiL,? This is exactly why SD is the way she is because everyone is treating her like she has to come first , excuse me but no. I have never ever been rude to SD and I take care of her when she does decide to come. I don't even want SD. To come anymore and I really don't want be around my MIL now 

Comments

StepUltimate's picture

Toxic 1st failed family b.s. Your DH should have your back & not listen to that manipulative hag. 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

He basically ignored her but he should have not even told her our business in the first place or respond back that SD has nothing to do with me... I dunno but I'm trying to figure out how I wanna handle this because I don't want to be around them, I'm still upset by this 

shamds's picture

The minor kids you have together and just pay cs so he can have a relationship with sd13. So lets break up another family to fix the already effed up first family?? Yeah that makes total sense.

i doubt mil has thought real hard is sd13 even worth breaking up your marriage and family for?

my husband has 2 daughters and a son with exwife. Ss was under sole custody of my husband since divorce when he was about 7-8 and i met him when he was 15. Bio mum disowned him in divorce, claimed she couldn't be bothered caring for 3 kids who were minors.

sd's who are now 26.5 and 16.5 are alienated from their dad. Said horrible stuff about their dad that were complete lies and they know it. Eldest sd was about 23.5 when she called my husband one day fake crocodile tears and all claiming he abandoned them to marry me and have 2 young kids with me who were 1 & 2.5 at the time.
Blaming toddlers for the crap relationship you have with your dad is just low. It was completely ignorant of the fact sd's ended contact with their dad a year before i even met him.

they were just shitty over the fact daddy didn't allow them to keep him hostage to their absent relationship and be bouncing like a yoyo at their every whim. They were angry he didn't drop everything for them whichw as biomums tactic all along. The golden children from first family he basically realised were not worth him putting his life on hold, moping about.

he met someone he cared about and we got married and had kids. Exwife and sd's are shitty that hubby loves our kids more but they're actually pleasant people. My sils used to bring up sd crap in private with me. They see their appalling behaviour

in fact my fil was the one who told my husband well over a decade ago that his kids were not worth him staying in a toxic marriage. My inlaws hardly have a relationship with sd's.

ss hs realized what a toxic piece of shit his mum is.

your mil is delusional and 2nd families are often treated as sub standard and the convenient scaoegoat.

when i felt my ils were beign toxic, i stay away and refuse to attend family events like weddings etc. our 3rd yr of marriage was tough, we had 2 young kids and a newborn, my bil only cared about himself and when my husband said we wanted time alone they made everything about them.

my bil'a adult daughter said really horrible things w me on social media. My husband told off his brother that instead of lecturing him on family ties that he needed to sort out his own mess of a daughter first because people like his daughter are what destroys  family ties.

at least my husband had the guts to say something because he was sick and tired of the double standards and hypocrisy 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes that's what she told him in plain text to leave me and the kids so he can have a relationship with SD. He could have a relationship with SD now if she got over herself and stopped ignoring him and avoiding us. But whatever I'm sure SD is crying a totally different story when she goes to MIL . mIL even said how being with me was not worth losing the love of SD.. excuse me?!??! I'm just shocked how fake MIL is. I am not the problem for any of this crap, DH was single for years before I came into the picture . These women need to stop glossing over the problem and blaming my DH when SD is the one with some real issues. I won't be seeing MIL for a while .

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes that's what she told him in plain text to leave me and the kids so he can have a relationship with SD. He could have a relationship with SD now if she got over herself and stopped ignoring him and avoiding us. But whatever I'm sure SD is crying a totally different story when she goes to MIL . mIL even said how being with me was not worth losing the love of SD.. excuse me?!??! I'm just shocked how fake MIL is. I am not the problem for any of this crap, DH was single for years before I came into the picture . These women need to stop glossing over the problem and blaming my DH when SD is the one with some real issues. I won't be seeing MIL for a while .

SeeYouNever's picture

Ugh why is this such a common thing? 2nd marriage kids are considered nothing to in laws even though they are their grandkids too! It's like the whole 2nd marriage is illegitimate compared to the precious failed first. In laws love to defend the poor step kids and demand ridiculous things to try to right the horrible wrong their dad committed by leaving his first wife and daring to be happy with his 2nd. 

The worst thing is they harp about how they need to treat the step kids extra special and they need to fix the relationship but they are the ones making the relationships even worse.

It was similar crap that made me totally disengage from SD and my in laws. They have some vendetta and it's like they can't stand that DH is with me and happy and we have 2 happy kids together. They could have been a part of it but all they wanted to do was talk about the failed first marriage and how poor SD is such a neglected victim. SD is doing fine and if my in laws didn't put themselves in the middle of her relationship with her dad she'd have a much better one.

Disengage from all of them. You don't have to prove anything. People like that use guilt to have power over others. Maybe your DH feels guilty because his family knows the buttons to push but you don't have to, you don't owe them a thing if they don't even acknowledge you and your kids.

When I faced the same thing my disengagement helped me make the argument that things got worse when the in laws were involved, it wasn't me ruining the relationship, it was them. Tell DH to get them out of the middle and there will be fewer problems. Of course then his family will say he is abandoning them for you just like he abandoned SD for you. Well I think you DH has the right to focus on the family that doesn't cause drama for no reason.

The drama is so annoying. It was broken before you got there. He won't stand up to them, him ignoring them isn't very satisfying but it's the best most of these guys can do because they're damaged too.

Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes allll of that! It's ridiculous how SD plays the victim but she has been the one distancing herself. And MiL solution was for DH to leave his family?!?! I am the one supporting us all, but yes he needs Stop running to his mom when we have a disagreement. And they need to stop guilting DH because he hears that nonsense enough from BM until he had to finally block her and it's been soooo peaceful! Been so peaceful with out SD coming over as well