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Sociopath signs and symptoms

barkingdog828's picture

I've scoured the internet and this site trying to figure my SD out. I think I'm ready to leave this situation I'm in or at the very least disengage completely from my SD. My mental health is so damaged. My anxiety I out of control, even with medication I can barely get through my day and I fear I am beginning to slip into depression. 

With that being said, I want real and honest thoughts, feelings, symptoms, signs, experiences... whatever you got regarding your young SD or SS that would help me come to terms that my own SD7 truly is a sociopath. 

I will list her behavior in chronological order that I can remember:

-constant crying as an infant to the point that DH and I literally could not go out with her in public

-inability to play on her own

-reckless behavior/tantrums as a toddler. (i.e: throwing herself off of furniture, into walls, putting dents and holes in walls, busting her face up, bloodying her lips from hitting her face on beds and the floor)

-hitting animals as an older toddler. Trying to hurt dogs (pushing down on their back to make them yelp) hurting the cats at her mom's (squeezing them until they cry, getting cut up by he cats and continuing to do it because she thinks it's funny to hear them cry)

-touching her butthole and touching poop. Rubbing her butthole on furniture even after told not to

-As a 4/5 year old, touching her privates to the point that they were covered in scratches and bumps (after having several serious discussions about personal hygiene and that you don't scratch yourself like that)

-hitting older, and much larger sibling. Pushing her older sibling out of the shower and down in the shower. 

-staring at others when they are undressed after being told that it's inappropriate and rude. Opening bathroom doors to look at people use the bathroom

-caught touching female dog's genitals aged 5. Lied about doing even after being caught doing it

-Lying about anything and everything (not kidding. Everything) lying to get others in trouble, including adults

-stealing items from school cafeteria

-pulling chunks of hair out

-hitting herself, biting herself, putting her throat against bed rails to cut her airway off and making herself choke/cough

-trying to push/pull me down the stairs. Including when I was pregnant

-throwing glass cups/mugs at me breaking glass all over the floor, multiple times

-spitting food in my face

-low IQ. ADD/ODD multiple learning disabilities.

-yelling at baby to stop screaming at her. Shaking baby's jumper. Climbing on top of bouncer while baby is in it. Holding  laptop over her head, while standing over baby. Staring at babies genitals. Opening babies dirty diaper in trash to see poop

-saying she has the devil in her and her dad has the devil in him

-nightmares. Not sleeping most nights. Stands over me and stares me me while I sleep with baby 

-says she sees things climbing up the ladder to her bed and she sees things moving around her room

-locked dogs in their kennel and told me she "doesn't want to hurt them"

-tries to knock DH down when he holds the baby

-no remorse or empathy for anything or anyone when she does things to them. Laughs at baby when he cries/in pain

-told her dad I locked her out of the house, aged 4 after throwing tantrum and kicking a hole in the wall



Theres so many more things. I just can't list them all. If you've read this far, thanks. I just want your honest opinion/thoughts. Does she sound disturbed? Am I being dramatic? What would you do? Would you push for a psychological evaluation? Would you stay in the house? I don't know what to do anymore. I want to leave, but I don't want to give up on her and my family. 


barkingdog828's picture

That she needs behavioral therapy. That some of the behavior may be related to the stress from being with BM. That it could be related to her ADD/ODD. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Call a priest and start the exorcism NOW. 

In all sincerity you need to get professionals involved. Let your DH handle it. This demon child could turn even Ghandi to drink. Dang! You need to care for yourself, and let DH figure this out.

barkingdog828's picture

But he is just out of answers. She sees 2 different therapists and is on medication.  Punishment/reward system. Visual schedules. We have cameras that record 24/7 and when she lies or says she doesn't do something we make her sit and watch herself doing what she did. 

Nothing seems to phase this child. Sadly 

barkingdog828's picture

That's what I've been telling my husband. I told him she's going to end up hitting herself or someone else the set she gets. 
I told him she needs a psychological evaluation but I think he's just in denial. I don't know. 

I work in an MSD/EBD classroom and I see her behavior in my school kids everyday. 
I just have this sickening feeling that's where she's going to end up.. or at the very least pregnant at a young age or on drugs or get hurt. 

Evil4's picture

OMG! I'm alarmed that you're asking if you're being dramatic. That kid is FUBAR and extremely dangerous and I would not want my bio baby to be anywhere near her. If you really don't want to leave your DH, at least live separately and make sure your SD has no contact with your bio. 

I know I'll sound evil for saying to give up on your SD, but from what I can see she is not salvageable. If she were, it's not on you. You are under no obligation to put your baby at risk so that you can stick around to try to save a person who isn't salvageable. Your first responsibility is to ensure your bio's safey and make sure she reaches adulthood without getting maimed, sexually assaulted, or ...(I can't even type it out).  

I would be very turned off of a man and lose all respect for him if he didn't do everything in his power to at least try to save his monster, er I mean daughter. He should be the one pushing for a psych eval and intensive therapy and not be so afraid of BM that he fails to take action. 

No, I would not stay in that house. I would be out before the sun sets today. If you really can't get out today, I would tell your DH that he must take his visitation elsewhere until you can find another place for you and your baby. Your SD is extremely ill, not even remotely close to normal, and dangerous. 


barkingdog828's picture

About leaving daily. 
the good news is that my SD is tiny so usually I can fend off any out of control behavior. But I fear for the future when she gets larger and heavier. 

Jcksjj's picture

Not gonna go through every item - but some of it is normal (stuff towards the beginning mostly) and some of its pretty out there.

barkingdog828's picture

And that's not even the half of it. 

thank you for saying some of it is out there!! It's nice that someone out there agrees with me!

shamds's picture

For alot of things that you mentioned such as lack of empathy of others (aka abusing animals, hurting people & intentionally wanting to cause serious harm) etc they are all serious things they take seriously that there are developmental delays and issues with this kid.


GrudgingSM's picture

My mental health would be a wreck too. And honestly your baby sounds like they could potentially be in danger. All of the stuff about wanting to push you down the stairs, hurt your husband when he's holding the baby, holding heavy objects over the babies head, and willingness to hurt animals without remorse is… Well I'm not a psychiatrist and can't diagnose that, but it's not OK, and if all of that intervention is being done for her and nothing is getting better, I would consider strategies that let you and your husband live separately while your marriage continues, but let's protect protect your child.

barkingdog828's picture

She's not allowed any alone time with baby or with my oldest bio. 
even if the therapist hadn't said that, baby stays with me either being held or next to me at all times. Never out of my sight or out of arms reach. Even when I use the bathroom baby goes in with me. And he stays in bed with me and DH because there's no way in hell I'd put him in his own room with cuckoo in the house. 
It's so out of control. 

ndc's picture

But why should you have to live like that?  Doesn't your husband see that your bios even being exposed to SD is not a good idea?  If even her therapist is saying she shouldn't be left alone with your bios, they shouldn't all be living in the same household, because it's inevitable that a time will come when they end up alone together.  Also, if you are stressed to the max over SD, I'm sure your kids sense it.  It's not a healthy environment for them.

Edited to add:  What's SD's custody schedule?


barkingdog828's picture

It's 50/50.

But SD  been staying with us 100% of the time the last few months. 

tog redux's picture

Sounds more like trauma and/or reactive attachment disorder mixed in with developmental disabilities.  Therapy has been recommended. Is she getting it?

barkingdog828's picture

She sees a therapist dad takes her to that comes to her school so BM can't take her and interfere and she was recently appointed a therapist by the court. But everything is just all wonky because of COVID-19 so it's mostly just on a computer. 

barkingdog828's picture

I've been scouring the internet and I've come across that as well as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 
I know I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist by any means, but she fits most of the criteria for both.. minus the physical appearance of FAS. 
The thing that strikes me the most when I research RAD is that she NEVER makes eye contact. She just won't. I tell her constantly to look at my eyes when she's talking or talking to someone else. She just stares away or at your mouth or other things. 
I honestly thought she was autistic when she was a toddler because of the eye contact and she always walks on her tippy toes. 

thank you for bringing this up!!!! I'm glad someone finally agrees with me. I could just cry!

tog redux's picture

Yes, I am in the child mental health field and telemedicine is generally not useful for kids like this. We are seeing some patients in person, if needed - nothing like that in your area? My state has a relatively low COVID rate. She may also have some autism spectrum disorder traits.

She needs a good psychiatrist/psychologist to figure out what's going on with her.

Livingoutloud's picture

So doctor said she needs therapy. Is she in therapy then? If her doctor  believes she needs help but you are asking us, then do you not believe her doctor? Start with therapy and therapist will likely discuss with you what they think. 

barkingdog828's picture

To find someone that has been through something similar. I just wanted to hear someone other than myself tell me that this shit isn't normal. 
I get told I'm being dramatic by my husband's family and my poor husband is doing what he can... but just gets nowhere. 

yes she's seeing therapist. She's on medication. I'm just at a loss. In my state step-parents have no say in anything so even if I were to tell the dr or therapist something it wouldn't matter. It would have to come from DH or BM. And BM disagrees with everything DH says, regardless of what it is so doctor has a hard time believing stuff I guess. 
I don't know. This situation is just so out of control I feel like sometimes this isn't really my life just some really awful movie I'm watching that I can't turn off. 

Winterglow's picture

"I just wanted to hear someone other than myself tell me that this shit isn't normal."

OK, well here you go then - this shit is off the board not normal. How old is your older bio? How did your DH react to being told that she must never be alone with your children? Your ILs are totally delusional if they think that you're just being dramatic. They haven't lived with hit and have no idea. Send her to grandma's for a couple of weeks and see if she still thinks her GD is all unicorns and rainbows afterwards.

You are a normal person trying to live in a completely abnormal situation. As neither of the parents actually want to help their daughter and prefer to be in denial about her, then you can only change what you have control over. I'd leave. I know you said you don't want to "uproot" your son so stop thinking of it in that light. Kids move homes all the time because of their parents jobs and survive. Some of even enjoyed the experience because it led to meeting new people, finding new friends, discovering a new town, etc. You're doing your bios a huge disservice by keeping them in a home where fear reigns. And yes, they know you're scared. Kids always know. What kind of childhood memories are they going to have?

barkingdog828's picture

Overnight with MIL the last 2 Friday nights and MIL says she's out of control too. 

And thank you for telling me this isn't normal. 
I guess I'm kind of in denial myself because I've been in this child's life since before she was born and she's always had myself and family as a "baseline" for normal. Not that wee perfect or anything, but still. 

im starting to think she's been through some type of trauma with mom or something... because her BM is off the rails too and admitted to DH that she has some type of issue and used to be in therapy. 

I just don't know!! Ahh

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I would look into a voluntary inpatient hospital admission for evaluation and stabilization. She needs to be monitored 24/7 for an appropriate diagnosis.

She definitely has significant mental health issues but without all the history and facts it's hard to say what?

Getting her a correct diagnosis is the first step. Then speaking with the hospital social worker about a referral to community based case management services should be next. 

tog redux's picture

Do they do those where you are? They don't really do those much at all her, only in the longer term hospitals (up to 3 months) and getting that is near impossible if they haven't already been inpatient in a shorter term setting a few times.