I have been going through the same thing for quite a while now, I have begged for communication from him for so long, it is a miserable feeling that gets in your stomach and eats at you and won't go away...I wanted my feelings about things to be validated..I wanted him to try to understand me..etc...finally after all these weeks of misery, we sat down last night and had it out...He told me that he doesn't understand women's "feelings" Like it frustrated him when i said "you don't understand me" I think I realized that... I think in abstract and he thinks in concrete...like HIS example "If you tell me honey take out the trash...then ok I get that and will take out the trash..." but when you say I feel like you don't try to understand me and how I feel, it goes over my head because I know something is bothering you but I don't know how to fix "feelings". Because I was miserable on the inside I begin thinking a power struggle was breaking out, and I acted accordingly, just martyring myself and saying yes, fine, whatever you want... cuz on a day to day basis I was thinking that and arguement was a breath away.. from anything as simple as what's for dinner to what show is on TV... also...that I needed to do everything he said or wanted just to keep peace which was making me even more miserable! Last night I started this conversation by asking him "Honey WHY did you fall in love with me?" And as we started talking we were able to make contact and I realized what was really happening...so I addressed things in a more concrete way...Like one of my examples was "I feel stress when you want to do things that I don't find intersting but it seems to me that you get ticked off if I try to tell you that I really don't want to go do blah blah... or hang around so and so..He said, Not at all, if you don't want to go do blah blah then just say I don't want to go...I may ask why but I'm not going to force you and you shouldn't feel obligated to do something you don't want to do." FINALLY we started getting somewhere...we talked for a long time and as I found that he was concerned about what was bothering me I was able to tell him more and more...and a lot of ground got covered and I got to go through all my issues and in the end he realized that what i needed was reassurance which he is more than glad to give and what i needed to do was not talk to him in terms that he couldn't understand or that didn't make sense to him...I know this may sound crazy but it worked for us last night...We both acknowledged each other... where we are... and some kind of way it worked...We also acknowledged that in all relationships there are some bumps but we shouldn't bottle things up until we are miserable and that one night of talking wasn't going to fix everything but that we should have table time on a regular basis to discuss things as they come up. I will keep you updated on how it is working for us ...I hope you and hubby can find some time to work on things...I feel like a ball and chain has been lifted off of me today, I am happy inside and outside and it has been a long time since I have felt this much peace inside... (SMILE)

.....psycho ex's suck....

It's a universal thing, I guess. I'm not a feelings person, and usually can be direct with my DH about things, but I have noticed that ever since he and the ex have started to 'get along', I'm being more and more pushed out. I feel left out, alone.

I understand about what it's like to have to pull information out of him. I have to do that. I'm lucky if he gives me a smidget of information, but dare if I ask questions. I guess I'm suppose to be a mind reader, apparently.

I don't know, but I think for me, my DH was so used to always having to fight with someone... all his life there was some sort of conflict... and since a majority of it was directed toward his ex that fought tooth and nail for years with him about their son, their divorce, whatever, now that she's finally gotten her head out of her a$$, they can work together on things. I've noticed that the last couple of years have been getting worse and worse for us. It's turned on me now. I have backed off, thinking that maybe he'll come to me, but it's just this smidget piece of information, as if I should know what it means, or their whole conversation, the plans, etc. I've bit my lip, grit my teeth, keep my mouth shut, be patient, but it still lways boils down to "it's my fault", "I turned it all around" (he throws that in my face all the time.) And lately, it seems that he's starting to call me names. I don't get that! I don't tolerate that, but I can't seem to ever convey to him how it makes me feel... EVER. He doesn't want to listen to me.

So, sadly, I'm at a lose these days, too.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

I have no clue what to do about this. I suddenly find myself married to a "yes man." I have no idea why this happened. I have no idea how long it'll last. But I'm milking it while I can!

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

DH is usually the YES man that Anne has just had land on her planet. Then when SS decided to stop coming, he all of a sudden was argueing with me about which pan to put the eggs in!!

Yes, there is an underlying problem but men are so different to us, we see the problem and talk, yell or drink and get it out somehow. Men tend to think they can handle it without burdening anyone and then just get the shits about whatever!!

It took me serveral unproductive conversations to get DH to realise he was angry in general about how he felt...But Dr Phil said it...Is it more important to be right or happy...?

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

and the only thing you REALLY want to do is super glue their mouth shut and knock them upside the head with a frying pan. My DH has made me angry enough to envision all sorts of things. There was a time he tried to convince me I was crazy, like losing my mind, seeing/hearing things crazy, until the day he came home and I had strung up red yarn from all the walls to other walls and draped clothes over them. When he asked me what the clothes were doing there on the yarn, I very calmy said (while trying extremely hard not to laugh) "What are you talking about? I don't see anythng." I kept that up until I had HIM convinced he was losing. Once I told him WHY I had done it, he stopped trying to convince me I'd lost my mind.

I never agree with 1/2 of what my DH says, much less everything. If he's being a dick, I pretend he doesn't exist!

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

but honestly? Which pan to cook eggs in? When DH comes into the kitchen and tries to tell me how to cook... I ask him if he would like to go ahead and just cook himself??? There are times he is tired and asks me to drive, then he will start to criticize my driving... um, let's see in 3.5 years YOU have been in TWO accidents and I have been in NONE.... "would you like to drive?" *grin*

I think there is probably some underlying tension/stress thing going on tho seriously... have you tried to talk to him to see if there is anything in particular that is going on with HIM that he seems to nitpick or find things wrong? Is he under stress for some reason? Cuz honestly, I can tell you that we own a business and things have been REALLY stressful the last two months and DH has been a complete ass off and on at different times. But I do know it's not ME he's frustrated with... I'm just the closest target KWIM? And he knows that I will let him rant and fuss and bitch and be an ass and I still love him and we will get through all this ... maybe you two need to sit down and talk about this power struggle thing???

(((((HUGS))))) I wasn't trying to make fun either, I honestly do the things I said... I'm not gonna be belittled or made fun of by him or have him try and tell me how to do everything... if YOU can do it better... have at it... KWIM?
It is what it is...