$100 for your thoughts
Most of you are familiar, ut for newbies, heres the synopsis: I have 2 SDs, Toxic Feral SD20, and Munchkin SD12. Feral has moved into her mothers apartment last November. She has not had much contact with DH, except for a few texts here and there, since she turned 18, graduated high school, and left our house. After several years of her filth and disrespectful attitude I was ok with no contact, however I realize and understand that DH was affected. The upshot is that she is incrdibly toxic and hateful. A few months ago, in spite of hating me and accusing DH of abusing her, she asked to move in with us and "get her old room back".
Nothing has changed, we are still the people she hates. So, DH said "work it out with your mother".
Feral wanted to move in because her mother and her were fighting over her room being disgusting and messy, with bugs.
So, with that background, the ONLY time DH ever gets a text from Feral, its because she wants something from him - money, typically. Until recently, when I started my new job, he hasnt had any to give. Firstly because right now, child support and alimony are taking a big chunk. So, he uses that as an excuse, rather than simply telling her '"no". Minus points.
Cut to now, I am making more $$ and able to pay half of all expenses. He has recently acquired a car (used), and now has 3 vehicles. I suggested last night, that since he has promised Feral a car after graduation (2 years ago), tell her she has a car, and give her a month to get her license. Then sell. He sais "no, why would I give a car to that monster?" My mindset was that she is "upset because no car, and having to spend all money on uber". Providing this opportunity with limits would shut everyone down who is judging (her, Toxic Troll, etc.) But, then I aid "yes, why give a good car (BMW) to someone who has treated us both so badly?" So - bonus points.
Then after that discussion - "yeah, Feral asked me for money, for uber, that she would pay me back, so I gave her some $ so she wouldnt continue asking me for things." So - his thinking was that giving her this amount would stop her from asking for more in the future. And because she hasnt paid him back for 1 1/2 months, that would keep her from asking again for a while. The logic! Is that how things work? When a kid asks you for money, you cannot simply say no, you have to find exuses, and reasons, and thats how it is forever????
It was only $100, so it isnt much. But she asked for $150. What about next time? She figures he "owes her", because he wont let her move back in, and I wonder if on some level he agrees. This makes me so glad that we keep our finances separate and distinct. We make the same amount, and he has $1,100 more in bills than I do. There is no way in he!! that I am going to contribute a cent for her, now or in the future.
I know about comunity property. But do I need to get a post nup to keep everything separate if he is going to continue giving his money to kids? Im just postulating right now. Right now he has more to gain from post nup (gets to keep his vehicles, assets we acquire split in half...)
I guess that he and I need to talk about money. If I build up savings and retirment, am I required to split that with him? The money he is giving out to kiddos, is that money community property and as such mine as well? Its my first marriage. I dont want any more money going out the door - thats our house payment, thats money for our new bathroom...etc. But he is - always will be a father and as such his kids look to him as provider, even the adult when she needs money will always look to him for that (she has always treated him like an atm)
$100 for your thoughts. How is money handled in your household?