Struggling with my husbands ex wife
After a whole year of court cases.. which proved the ex was chronic excessive alcohol dependant, the endless messages, calls, emails we actually got 50/50 shared care. Dont get me wrong it was hard as i was working full.time whilst doing upto 80 miles a day taking the kids to school and picking them up. For the last 5 years ive treated my husbands children like my own, included them in everything made.my home their home only for it all to get thrown in my face in November last year when my step son accused my husband (his dad) of abusing my son. This was all said to the CAFCASS worker who informed social services. This was quickly closed as it was just not true for that weekend my husbands 6 year old daughter to have the most horrendous tantrums of throwing herself around hurting herself and screaming for hours. On takkng the children to school on the monday after what can only be described as the worse weekend ever, he spoke to school as he was concerned for him to go to work amd within 15 minutes get a call from school to say the daughter has said her dad hit her. Complete lies as i would never condone hitting for then his son to say it happened and he saw it and it happened twice. I knew then that things would never be the same. My husband lost contact and we didnt see the children until the court case 10 weeks later where the mum offered everyother weekend and 1 night contact in the week only if my husband attended a patenting course. My husband stood his corner and never agreed.as he knew he hadnt done the things he had been accused of and all of a sudden the fact that she is alcohol dependant doesnt matter and he got 3-4 hours every other Saturday which i though would be great for my husband to build a proper relationship with his kids only from the 1st day of contact he had his kids 10 hours and now they are staying over without even discussing it with me when he knows how i feel as i do not trust having the kids around myself or my son and the constant name calling and my husband never sticking up for us or even caring. Since feb 7th she has called him over 40 times.. he is dicussing things with here without including me. He thinks i should accept it, bearing in mind im 8 weeks pregnant and he has no interest in me. Am i wrong for thinking he loves the drama and is only with me as i stood beside him and helped him when she left him with nothing??? He didnt even tell his children we were getting married until the day and the abuse i got of her was crazy.. i need advice before she gets what she wants and we seperate... how do i deal with it all???
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So at one point in my
So at one point in my marriage my ex had an emotional affair with another woman. I dont think thats how he would describe it, but that's what it was. At this point he was really bringing nothing to the marriage and I would have advised anyone else on the planet to walk away. But instead I just 'couldn't let her win'. I just got competitive. Well, I 'won' and even went on to have a kid with this guy where things REALLY went South and the real abuse began.
I'm not saying to 'pack it in' on your marriage, especially with a kid on the way. But what I am saying is do not let 'winning' over some other woman be your guide. Who gives a toss what that sozzle-head wants or thinks of as 'winning'? Giving her the 'satisfaction' of seeing your marriage crumble shouldn't come into one way or another.
However - this is a dangerous situation and BM's manipulation of those kids threatens the welfare of YOUR children. So either your DH gets on board with boundaries where there have been threats of abuse or you may have to separate.
Paragraphs for readability
Hi there from California! Its Friday, and I am coasting in the sunshine, so my brain isnt working on all available cylinders today.
I would love love love love love, can I say love, to respond and offer whatever help possible, however, your text post is so difficult to read. I will try to paste into a document and edit so that I can respond appropriately.
Firstly - congratulations on your impending new kiddo. Sorry you are going through all this hassle with the ex baby momma. It didnt work out with her for a reason.
So, to address the abuse claims - perhaps invest in nanny cams or web cams, that way you have the proof you need to discredit all abuse claims right from the get-go.
Your Steps are beng PAS'ed out - parental alienation syndrom, while real is rarely recognised in cuorts, sadly. This is what is happening to your DH.
WELL, your DH, that is another story. While I understand that news of a second marriage can cause havoc, which is one reason we eloped, it is weird that he kept it a secret, even from you that it was in fact a secret! There are some deeper issues with him here Again, there is a reason that it didnt work out with baby momma, but there is a reason he got with crazy in the first place. HE might me "touched with crazy" himself.
It is VERY common that the ex spouses aka bio parents will "work things out" without the steps involved. We are the "step asides", for when things get real, we are rarely "consulted". More "informed after the fact", to let us know what we are in for as to baby sitting, rides and whatnot. This has happened with me for the past 4.5 years. I finally took things in stride, and made a calendar for myself. For us there is a custody order in place and because I expect and the child also has grown to expect, that we are to follow it (ie I make plans that are contingent on it) then it happens.
Have your DH make know the plans, and expect that they will be followed. Print or make a calendar. You will need this so that you know when you need to be "busy", so as to avoid the steps.
So, as to that "no interest" thing.
Oh, yeah - forget all the above. RUN, child, run.