Not even sure what to say but it makes me feel better to vent, lol.
I've been feeling so frusterated lately and even getting migraines when the sd comes. I get horrible migraines that are so bad I go to the hospital to get iv medication as it's the only thing that works. Anyway, I've thought and thought about the problem and it all comes down to one thing, BM. Yes, I know I should let it go but I'm the type of person who thinks over situations over and over again. My bf says omg can you stop bringing that up, but I keep bringing it up because it's still unresolved. On new years eve last year (2005) my kids and the sd were all there so we did the family thing and it was fun. I asked my bf if we could go out the next year on new years (2006) and he said it sounded like fun. So, in November I said what did you want to do for new years and he said we'll think of something. I was really looking forward to it and then in the middle of December I asked him if he wanted to do dinner and dancing at a hotel in our city that was having a package deal including a room. He said "no, I said we'd keep sd on new years" WTH????? I felt like he just punched me in the stomach. When I asked him why he said he didn't want to upset BM and she likes to go out. There is the whole issue of giving BM cash so the money doesn't get claimed because she is on welfare. If I ask him why in the heck he would do this he says "because BM would be upset if I gave her a cheque". I have asked him why he would prefer to make BM happy rather than me, who he plans to marry. This is the only thing that causes us problems but it seems to come up over and over again because 1)He does things that will make her happy knowing that I will be unhappy and 2)He won't discuss it with me, and it remains unresolved.
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He needs to grow a pair.
He needs to grow a pair. You are a team, and all decisions need to be made 'with' you, not behind your back and told to you later as an 'oh, by the way.' Tell him you're glad he volunteered to babysit, but you are going out. And go out with girlfriends and enjoy yourself. He'll probaby change his mind about being permanant New Year's babysitter then. Or at the very least, he will start consulting you before making any decisions that will affect you both.
He will change his tune
He will change his tune about paying her cash, too, when she takes him back to court for all the money he 'didn't' pay, and he has no proof saying that he did.
And if she's on welfare, what's with her going out? If you can't support yourself, you shouldn't go out drinking.
He really should give her a
He really should give her a check for child support so he can track it for tax purposes.
that's a whole other issue
I posted a forum topic "disagreeing over how child support is paid" that explains it better but the short version is that he can't claim it anyway because the BM tells the government that she doesn't know who the BD is.
grow a pair? LOL
I agree with that but I can't seem to get it through his thick head. One time (that I know of, it may have happened more than once) BM called him and said she needed the money a day early because she was going out. He took her the money. I asked him if he would like the engagement ring he bought me back so that he could give it to her.( now that would make her happy, lol) He just doesn't get it, I do tell him all the time that we're now a team but it sure doesn't feel that way. I can only put up with the bs awhile longer, I'm sure not going to sign up for a lifetime of it.
sorry to say this but here
sorry to say this but here goes, i'm looking at your situation if it was me: i would leave this bf. if he puts her first before you now it will be the same when you marry this man. i couldn't live w/that. just my opinion.
-happy mom
thanks happy mom
Thank you for your honest opinion but I prefer to try and work on this for awhile longer. He is truthfully the nicest, most wonderful guy with the exception of this one thing. I can't live with it like it is now but I'm hoping he will see that we are to be a team. I have already been married for 8 years and am now divorced so I would not go into marriage lightly. When I do it the next time it will be for life, so all issues will need to be resolved before that happens. Also in his defense I think he does it out of guilt and wanting to be on good terms with her, I don't think he does it just to spite me, although that is how it ends up.
He really ought to get a
He really ought to get a paternity test to prove that he is the father so that he will have the rights that go with being a father. If he is not court ordered to pay child support, then he does not have to pay it, but then again, she does not have to allow visitation. This situation is confusing to me. It would help when he requests parental rights to have a record of what he has paid to prove that he has not abandoned the child. Even if she will only accept cash, at least keep records of what you pay her for yourself.
Wait! He took her money so that she could go out?!?! That money is for the child. Not for her entertainment.
HIS BALLS IN HER PURSE SYNDROME
The issue here is LOYALTY.
To you or to her. He has to decide whom he really wants to be with.
She may have his kids, but HE also has rights. He needs to find out his rights and if you are going to be his partner, do the research for him online and give it to him when he's in a good mood. Pick a right time. I pulled my husband up on this one and he decided that he was going to be loyal to me. Otherwise it was the kerb for him and he knew it. The kids are one thing. They can't use the excuse "she's the mother of my children" which only serves to keep their balls in her purse. Remote control ex. We should all be so lucky!!
sharon stone
QUOTE: "women fake orgasms & men fake whole relationships"
My mother
QUOTE: "if you let a dog pee on you he may come back and sh*t on you".