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Dre91919's picture

Submitted by Dre91919 on Tue, 10/22/2019 - 9:54pm

I'm new, just found this site while I was sitting in my car hiding from my husband and family. We've been together for 2 1/2 years, and got married a month ago. My problem is that for starters we live with his parents, which is tolerable expect when the SS is there. They baby him and act as though he is theirs. My husband and I don't matter, our opinions or discipline mean nothing because SS just runs to grandma and grandpa and they spoil the sh!t out of him anyways. My husband used to have a job where the days he had off were the days he had his son. Now he has a Monday though Friday job while we have SS Tuesday night through Friday, alternating Saturdays. 
 

i honestly don't like kids. He knew this, I knew this, when we started dating but he promised me his son was so great and easy going I thought maybe it would be okay and I would learn to love him. I have friends with kids that I love. Unfortunately that is not the case. He is whiny, entitled, and spoiled to no end. Gma and gpa let this kid do whatever he wants and let's his equally awful friends come over and run around screaming at the top of their lungs. They think it's "cute" and "funny" and excuse it with kids acting like kids. I can't tell if it's just my hatred for children or this is honestly over the top. 
 

recently, SS has been sick every time he comes to our house. I'm so tired of it! I'm a germophobe/emetaphobe, I just cannot deal with sick people, especially sick kids that open mouth cough all over the place and touch everything. We love with his parents because we don't have the funds to move out on our own still, so obviously I cannot get sick and miss any work. 
 

also, this kid acts afraid of me since the very beginning and I've never done anything to deserve this response. So bonding with him has been basically impossible. I've tried so many times and I've just given up. My husband usually claims I'm in this spot because I've never tried. He just doesn't seem to understand what goes on on my end of things. I keep trying to tell myself things will get better when we with his parents anymore because he shares my dislike of how his parents handle this child, but I'm still afraid it Won't. I'm done feeling like a prisoner to my own bedroom and like I'm not really part of this family, just the weird girl that also lives there. 
 

how can I get him to understand more what I've been feening? We've talked about it many times and he listens and send to get it until the next thing happens and we get in a fight again :( 

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 10/23/2019 - 12:40am

You don't say what age SS is - but he will be with you and your husband a long time and with your phobias etc and your dislike of children, and his grandparents spoiling him, I really don't see any prospect of things changing any time soon and you deciding SS is OK after all.  I do wonder why you rushed into marriage when you knew the situation was grating on you so bad. It is just about the main problem that people come to Steptalk for - ie bio parents not exerting enough discipline with the result that SKIDs become horrible little dictators with obnoxious ways.  If the two of you are both in work, how come you can't afford your own place?  Personally, I would consider getting my own place, even if a small one, and refusing to live with grandparents any more, if DH refuses to consider it.  

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Wed, 10/23/2019 - 2:13am

Don't delude yourself into thinking things will be better once you have your own place. If your DH can't stand up to his parents where the raising of his son is concerned, do you really think he's going to be able to control an already spoiled, bratty child?  And I will bet that without grandma and grandpa to help with the childrearing, more of it will fall on you. And on the off chance that there's more discipline, guess who will be blamed for that?

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 10/23/2019 - 6:26am

I have very overbearing parents. It has gotten to the point on more than one occasion where I yelled at my mother and told her to back off or we were leaving. I am the parent, she is not. She does not get to undermine me. -- I want to make it clear that my mom is wonderful and love me and my kids to the ends of the earth. She does things out of love. I understand but she does not always "get" that she can't go around me when it comes to MY children.

 

That being said, if you are living there, it makes things very hard when it comes to that kind of behavior. I had to live with my parents for 3 months when I moved back across  the country as we were house hunting and purchasing a home. It was pure hell. 

I do think that things CAN get better once you move out as long as your SO actually parents when you guys aren't home. Does he correct and deal with SS when you are in public? At a resturant, if he is acting up, does your SO snatch him up after a warning or 2 and take him our side or to the bathroom to take care of it? Will he pack him up and leave something fun if he isn't behaving? Or does he just "let it go"?

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 10/23/2019 - 6:37am

If you don't like the dynamics in the house, move out.  Surely two adults with full time jobs can afford a 2 bedroom apartment or at the very least a one bedroom.

Truth be told, you should have never moved into their home.  It's  one thing to move back home because  you have fallen on hard times or need help with a child due to working odd hours. But to go from saying I do to moving your new bride into your room at mom's house is crazy.

Your husband  isn't saying anything to his parents because he doesn't have an issue with the they parent his child.  If he wanted to be the one parenting his kid, he would have checked your in laws a long time ago.  Unless you are willing to step into the parenting shoes, it may be best to leave that issue alone.

I love kids and I'm all for grandparents spoiling their grandchildren, but I can't  imagine  living in the situation you described  

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Wed, 10/23/2019 - 10:37am

Out of curiousity why didn't you both wait until you were ready to get your own place before making the decision to marry and live with his parents? I personally don't recommend living with other people unless I had no other choice. I like my own space and home because I have control of what goes on underneath my roof. You and your H are pretty much at the mercy of his parents and although your H can "try" and set some boundaries and talk with his parents about how they are spoiling his son, I'm sure that won't go over well especially when you both live in their home.

You may have a better chance once you both have your own place and your H parents and disciplines his son consistently.