and the winner is...
(results to be announced soon)
let me preface this by saying i went to a lil' league award banquet this weekend. it was absolutely terrible...
last year, HD picked up his banquet ticket. it came with instructions, "there is a ticket for (SS), a ticket for me (BM) and a ticket for YOU (HD). YOU are more than welcome to join us." this year, we were made aware that there are tickets available for purchase, so we did and i attended.
just before the banquet begins, behind me, in a voice less than a whisper, i hear, "Hi." poor SS comes over to the table and is clearly terrified. he is nearly frozen with fear that BM will start on one of her rants again. he wants nothing more than to please everyone: BM, HD and me. this is an impossibility as BM makes it a point to sensationalize EVERYTHING. i feel for him and will not subject him to any further embarrassment. what do i do? what do i say? nothing.
this may sound mean, but it is an understanding SS and i came to early in our relationship. he loves his dad. he loves his BM. he also loves me but still has feelings of guilt about loving both mother-figures. i told him i understand that he doesn't feel right about talking to me when she's around and that it doesn't make me angry with him. this got us off to a great start, but i feel like it's beginning to backfire on me.
i want him to be able to come to me, wrap his arms around me and show me his awards. i want him to feel proud of his achievements and not feel guilt about who he should show it to first, or in whose house it gets to stay. now, if there's any question as to who will accept and who won't, he'll have little if any to do with me until we are back on neutral ground.
but i think those days are all but over. my relationship with HD and SS is very real and lasting. we have never spoken or met, but somehow she knows EXACTLY who I am and feels the need to share her "insight" with any other woman who will listen. we recently moved just 2 towns away to be closer to SS and that has helped, but i would love to see him be able to be at peace with all that has happened in the past few years.
who's the winner? you decide. HDs words soothe temporarily, BMs words cut deep, my words are silenced. and SS suffers.
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Comments
Sometimes...
when the BM is unreasonable, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. And there is absolutely no winner. I don't think BM is even necessarily winning.....she sounds just as miserable as you are feeling.
I have 100% quit going to award ceremonies/soccer games/softball games/recitals/etc. Don't get me wrong, I think that I have every right to be there. But I choose not to go for the simple fact that I just can't stand the conflict. BM is always pissed off the second she sees me and ruins it for everyone. So, in the best interest of my step daughters (and who of course would rather have their mother there than me) and in the best interest of myself - I quit going. Yes, it's sad but who needs it? Hubby takes pictures and I always get a pretty decent recap. I can dote on them all I want at that point and they get to tell me ALL about it.
Not only that, BM doesn't make EVERY single game, recital, or whatver - when that happens, I'm there front and center. It's my hope that one day BM will just get over it and quit caring if I'm there. She's one miserable human being though so who knows? Hopefully she'll be over it by the time the girls get married.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Yep
They are all bitches. There is only 1 event I aatend each year, SD's recital. I do not go to football games or anything else. The entire time we are there is is staring and whispering to anyone that will listen. She never goes alone anywhere we will be, even picking up and dropping off the kids. She is married but when her husband is not there, she has a clan of women there with her. I just make sure I look my best and smile and show her DH and I are totally happy. I ALWAYS hug SD and let her know how great she did and how proud WE are of her. I laugh at BM though because she tried so hard to make me uncomfortable with the glares and the looks and the points and the whispers but you know what, that is why I am HOT YOUNG STEP MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You seem to be worried about...
what she thinks of you. Isn't it more about making the kids comfortable not on her trying to make you UNcomfortable?
"I ALWAYS hug SD and let her know how great she did and how proud WE are of her."
I may be way off base here, but in your post it sounds like you are more interested in proving to the ex how hot you are and throw it in her face your relationship with your DH and SD.
It's hard enough with these women with just the basic instinctual jealousy they have from another woman parenting their children (and sometimes the jealousy of another woman and their ex-husband), but to actually throw it in their face....of course she's going to be a little bit of a "bitch".
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I do not
go to events because of the way she acts or reacts towards DH and I. She IS more concerned about making us uncormfortable with the looks and the pointing and the whispering; it has always been like this. I hug SD and let her know how great she did and how proud WE are of her and because she ALWAYS does a good job. I was being funny. Sorry, my sense of humor is a little hard to get sometimes.