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Is piercing SD’s ear a joint legal decision

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Or does it fall under day to day decision making ? SD is 4 and we just learned during our phone call that BM took SD to get her ears pierced. It's never been mentioned whatsoever.

EDIT: We are NOT taking this to court. We just wanted to notify BM in writing in the court approved app that DH did not approve of this, it should of been discussed or at least mentioned, so then if she makes other decisions that fall under legal custody when they have joint legal, that it is there in writing that this has been an issue before. I just wanted to know if it fell under legal custody before we messaged BM. We did and notified her that in the future would like to have a discussion beforehand as she does not have sole legal decision making.


lieutenant_dad's picture

For ear piercing, I'd leave it as day-to-day unless there is a religious or medical reason why it shouldn't be done. It should also involve SD having a conversation with her parents about her willingness and want to do it. If SD doesn't want to do it but one parent is forcing it, THEN I think it's appropriate to step in.

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Late for any of that we just called SD for our phone call and she said "daddy I got my ears pierced." There's never been any discussion or mention, BM just went ahead and did it. She's 4 it's not like it has been something she's been asking for at least we have never heard a word about any of it

IDontCare3117's picture

Are we talking a regular single earlobe piercings, or something extra?

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

It's just regular ear piercing 

IDontCare3117's picture

It's a simple first piercing then.  I wouldn't make a big deal over it.  It's not some septum or lip piercing.  Trying to make into a joint legal decision is really a waste of time.  

OKtoStep's picture

I'd say joint because it's a permanent change. Even major hairstyle changes should be discussed. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

And we looked it up that it falls under body modification it's not like a haircut where obviously that would the custodial parent's decision and does not need to be discussed 

IDontCare3117's picture

Do you and your SO want to make a big deal over regular pierced ears?  Do you really want to argue that is a body modification?   It's not letting a 4 y/o have a permanent tattoo, or deciding on gender reassignment..  It's PIERCED EARS.  

ndc's picture

I wouldn't consider regular ear piercing to be a joint legal decision.  It seems more like a haircut than a tattoo to me, and to me haircuts are day to day type decisions.  That said, DH and I wouldn't get the SDs' ears pierced without talking to BM, but we also wouldn't be at all concerned if BM chose to get them pierced without discussing it with DH.  It's just not a big deal - for us, at least.

BethAnne's picture

It is probably more of a case of is it something that is worth the effort of an argument now that it is done?

If I were your fiance I might consider send an email stating his disaproval and disapointment at it not being discussed with him. If he has other things in mind that he wants to be discussed beforehand he could perhaps state them in the email. 

notarelative's picture

If you bring this to court you may find that joint decision making can vary. Joint decision making with a 50/50 arrangement is not the same as one with a long distance arrangement. You are not seeing this child for a few weeks. BM did not have her ears pierced and drop her off an hour later. SD is four. The holes may even be closed by the time you see her.

I highly doubt a judge would even care about ear piercing unless it is against the rules of the religion BM agreed to raise the child in. This is not the hill you want to die on. Will the earnings be a pain while the child is with you? Probably yes. But, you will deal with it.