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The weekend

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

So for all of you who read about how BM was out of town and was not going to make it back on time for my bf to pick up his daughter, I have some more updates as my Saturday update was just quick and brief. So here it goes, BM did have a spare tire on her car when my bf arrived so at least that part was true. Her details of what happened/when they happened conflicted, but whatever at least he ended up getting his daughter and we ended up getting an extra overnight in exchange for her being late. My bf believes since he did not tell her it was okay to switch weekends that she waited until the morning of pick up to drive back from the state she grew up in that morning which is 11-12 hours away and left that morning since he did not agree to it. Which if that is what happened is extremely selfish to have a 3 year old in the car for that many hours straight, from wake up to basically bed time because BM did not want to do what was best for the child. Anyway, when my bf picked her up, we fed her a good dinner (only had snacks all day apparently) and let her stay up to play about 40 minutes later than when we put her to bed because we feel bad she was in the car all day. We know at least she was from 9 am - 6 pm according to what BM told bf. 

In addition to his daughter telling us BM took her older daughter to her grandmas house 11-12 hours away and leaving her with the grandma, she also said that *older child* got a surprise from BM and she did not get anything. For the last 3 months, it has been coming across that BM has been giving her older child preferential treatment over her younger child. BM the last 3 times has sent the child in clothing that is the older sister's size, shoes a size or two too small, and telling of her older sister getting things, but her getting nothing. Yes, it is BM's house and she can do whatever she wants, and yes the older child does not have my bf in her life anymore, but that is BM's choice, but it doesn't upset me any less to see bf's daughter getting shafted in just ways we notice. 

Also, bf's daughter said BM said *sister's* daddy is far far away. Whatever the fuck that means. I don't know if that means 1. BM knows who the dad is then, 2. BM is just saying this to give somewhat of an answer to the older child, or what that really means. 

I told bf maybe she is starting to get all her stuff back in order to move back home like she said she was going to and once everything is finalized in January she is going to do that. Although, she can't just do that, it would need to be addressed at the trial or go back to court right after leaving court. Not sure what angle she is playing or if she just really thinks she is above a court order or something. 

After bf told me about the older child being left with the grandmother so far away, he was bothered and was like she fought me to get her all to herself, just to drop her off far away, what was the point? I said I think she just wanted to "win" and wants to be spiteful. I also told him, we need to work on caring less and less what she is doing with older child as it is out of our hands completely. He got a little hurt by me saying that I think because he told me how I want him to tell me everything, but then he tells me everything and I say that. I tried to explain to him how yes I do want to know things, but it is not going to help either of us to focus so much on things we can't control and that is now BM's business only. I tried to talk to him further about it, but he didn't want to, so I think it kind of hurt, but he also realized the truth behind what I said.

Only thing I told him later that could be good in us knowing that BM went and dropped her off, although we have no idea for how long, is that if go to trial could use that as BM herself is separating the sisters on her time so it shouldn't be used as the precedent for BM having primary. Probably won't help, but worth mentioning to the attorney which he will finally sign next Monday thank goodness. Anyways, it was a great weekend with his daughter and the next time we get her we will be going to my family's for a few days for thanksgiving so that is exciting and also a little nerve wrecking just because no one in my family has met his daughter yet. I am not worried it won't go well, just is a little strange.

Comments

tog redux's picture

I believe 100% that it never occurred to BM that your SO would stop taking the older child. Her attorney advised her she could take away his rights, she asked if she could still send the child over there anyway, attorney said she could, so she went with it.  I think she just saw this as a way to ensure she had control over everything and wouldn't "lose" in court, not as a plan to cut your SO out of her life. That backfired on her, obviously. 

Glad you had a good weekend.  Can't hurt to bring up in court that she sent the older child to grandma's, though it might just be temporary. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

that it was a control thing. That she was like at least I won't lose one of my kid's I can 100% dictate everything for her. It is just crazy that she would think she could take away his legal status as her father, but still think he is going to act as her father. I mean maybe if I wasn't in the picture he might have, but he wants to move forward with me, marry me, and have kids with me, he is not going to subject our lives to BM having that control on all of that. 

tog redux's picture

BM in our case, despite being a very intelligent woman, is a short-term thinker.  She doesn't seem to ever think about long-term consequences, only what she wants and needs in the moment. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

BM being a short term thinker, but she is not very intelligent haha. 

Just literally counting down the days till the new lawyer is signed and they can either write up an agreement or come January the trial happens and at least the divorce and first round of custody is over with