The hurt in my husband's eyes...
SS is 15. He will be 16 at the end of October. He has been working to save up for a car. He is supposed to come out here to our state for his summer visit in 3 weeks. BM tried to stop the visit over rec league baseball, but our CO clearly stated that father's summer visit is a priority over other activities. Well, BM wasn't budging, we were prepared to add a 5 th contempt charge to the 4 we already have waiting on a trial date.
Guess what, Baseball got canceled last week. So what does BM do? Take SS to buy a car. Why does a 15 yr old need to buy a car 5 months before he turns 16 and had even taken driver's ed? Ooooh... that's right because he is going to visit his dad in 3 weeks and she needs to solidify her place as his home with HIS car.
Come on BM, your insecurity is showing big time.
However- while I was irritated, DH was crushed. When BM's friend sent us the screen shots from BM's facebook page, the sinking in him... you could feel it in the room. That should have been a father-son moment. He knows that he should have been on the phone with SS when he was picking them out if he couldn't be there in person. DH told me that he was going to offer SS to match what he had saved for a car this summer as his 16th birthday present up to 5K. I told him that I was fine with that, especially since we already plan on giving my BS a car outright.
My heart just breaks for my husband. I hate BM so much.
**ETA- the idea for a large chunk to go towards a car was before we knew he bought one already. We would have paid a dealer directly for the car, there is no need for that now. So after another incident of cutting DH out of his life, we will certainly not be giving him some kind of grand gift.
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Are you going to hand him
Are you going to hand him that kind of cash with how he has been acting? And what's the risk of BM taking it for herself? Or is he going to put it in an account that he can access at 18???
He bought the car already. We
He bought the car already. We would have written a check to a dealership.
I don't know what we will do for him now, but it certainly won't be that.
Oh, I thought this was a post
Oh, I thought this was a post car purchase offer. But, yes, her buying the car was a "look at what mommy did for you to keep you interested in staying here" move....kinda like getting them a new puppy.
On buying the car early.. my mom bought my first car before I turned 16. But...it was an "good opportunity presented itself" situation...plus she really wanted the car to drive herself...classic muscle car.
She did the new puppy a
She did the new puppy a couple of summers ago... you can't see my eye roll, but it happened.
It amazes me how SS doesn't see it. Dumb little puppet.
My DH hung onto his old car
My DH hung onto his old car for a while when SS was alienated, hoping to give it to him. He'd always planned that. He finally sold it to a kid in the neighborhood. I know that was sad for him.
SS still doesn't have his license at age 20 - thanks BM.
My car is going to go to my
My car is going to go to my BS when he turns 16 next year and I will buy a new one. That was why I had no problem with DH giving SS upto 5K (matching what he saved).
It just amazes me that not even SS sees the ploy behind it. Just like the puppy the last summer he spent with us. A few weeks before you go to your dad's let me dangle this thing in your face so that you want to come back here the whole time you are there.
This woman is such a C**t.
It just kills me that DH was so hurt. I am 37 and have lived on my own since I was 18. I still call my dad before I buy a car. Even when I had a spouse with me, in another state, I called my dad. I just can't fathom that SS didn't even think to call his dad or send a text picture or anything. A car is a big deal for a teen, something that DH should have been a part of in some way, even if just to congratulate him.
Apparently BM also bought SS
Apparently BM also bought SS a cheap beater car that sat in their driveway for years, because he was always "too busy" to get his license. She finally got rid of that.
BM did the puppy thing too, right after we got a new dog.
See DH hurt was the hardest part of alienation, for sure.
Also keep in mind that she is
Also keep in mind that she is also incredibly afraid and insecure. She has to dangle these things bc she's afraid he won't want to come back otherwise. I know it doesn't change the hatefulness of what she's doing but some of this is desperation and control in order to keep him loving her. It's a sick game by a sick person.
Exactly the same here
My H held sold his car to a friend a few years ago when SS was 16 because he rejected his car as not exciting enough. An 8 year old boring sedan that would have been the perfect starter car. SS20 still doesn't have a license or a car. Or college. And barely has a job. My H doesn't engage with him much anymore. He's going to replace his current vehicle when all this virus stuff is over and things are a bit more stable. I would like to suggest he give his car to SS or let SS buy it, but I don't see the need for my H to feel that sadness as he reflects back on the last time he rejected it. No, we will trade it in or sell it to the same friend who bought his car back then, maybe.
Did DH tell SS of his car plans?
If so, sadly he was expecting his brainwashed son to be excited about chipping in on a vehicle and not reporting it to the mothership so she could use the opportunity to undermine him by giving him a car for free.
If not then somehow she found out about getting him a vehicle and decided to usurp him in advance.
The Girhippo did this often when Chef would "take the high road" (TM) and tell her about gifts he was planning to purchase or even movies he was planning to take them to see.
She would either spoil the surprise, buy her own version beforehand or yank the skids out of school to see movies during the week before Chef could take them on the weekend.
I'm sorry to hear this, I
I'm sorry to hear this, I hope that SS does get on the plane in a few weeks and maybe DH can get some good bonding time in with his kid. As for material things BM is going to do what she wants, I mean in reality DH is paying for it anyway via CS. You might be surprised to find out that SS doesn't think his mom is all that and a bag of chips.
Spawn was the same way at that age, whoever bought her the most was the best. Since we were raising her full time and two other children we couldn't just lavish gifts on her all day. Meth Mouth couldn't either but she would pretend to. Now that Spawn is an adult she doesn't really have anybody. Meth Mouth could care less about her and DH cut the ties when the pain the manipulation and abuse from Spawn got too much. I have a feeling your SS is going to end up the same way. I just hope your DH is able to be more forgiving.
BM must be raking in the cash
BM must be raking in the cash. What kind did she buy ss
Sorry your husband is upset.
Not so sure we would be handing bm's kid 5k for awful behavior though.
HEY---your dh can teach him to drive over the summer.
What a nasty cow!
What a nasty cow!
I had an SIL a bit like that. My oldest wanted hockey gear for his birthday and I told his dad, my exH that's what I'd be getting him, he could pitch in or he could get a different gift, just to let me know.
ExH had family in visiting from out of province over our sons birthday. His Aunt went out and bought him the hockey gear. I didn't know till he came home with it all. I just stared dumb founded at the ex, he had the decency to be ashamed and just said that his sister wanted to do something nice for our son because she never sees him. The saddest part is that our youngests birthday was only 2 months prior and she hadn't bought him anything at all! Nor did she ever buy either of them another gift!