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Libra85's picture

Please help me

any advice 

my stepdaughter lies and lies and lies

shes 11

she is pooing herself. Hiding it

she has been seen by a paediatrician and had several tests done to ensure nothing medical.

clearly behavioural. Her dad is great and her mum also tries very hard this been an ongoing issue since before I came on the scene 4 years ago.

Yesterday she lied to my face screamed and kicked about it and tried to leave the house. I gave  her one last chance to tell me the truth which she did and I told her I was disappointed and disgusted that she lied to me and continued to lie even when o told her I don't care about the answer just please

dknt lie.

i have never shown anger towards her about it and I think she was so shocked that I went mental at her she has bent over backwards to try and impress me for the rest of the weekend.

i have ignored her I'm sad to say.

she begged me not to tell her mother.

Obviously I did 

I can't deal with it anymore. Told her mother something is seriously wrong and she needs to talk to a counsellor or psychiatrist to get to the bottom of this.

obviously this is a long story cut very short but I jut don't know what to do.

also it's not my place to either! I'm not her parent!

please please please help me

 I'm loosing sleep over it 

 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Yes, I agree - she needs a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist - and that you aren't her parent, and shouldn't be responsible for managing any of this. Take a step back and let her parents deal with it - you are saying she actually has two good parents, which is completely unheard of on this board- so let them take over and you disengage.

Survivingstephell's picture

I find it interesting that you lost it on her and she spent the rest of the time trying to impress you.  Is everyone trying to nice this out of her?  

I would be perfectly, bluntly, factually clear with her that any interaction of your part from here on out with her requires (insert your limits/expectations), you will double check to make sure she's telling the truth before following thru. If she's messy, you point it out to her factually and move on with your day without her.  Maybe next time.  Now I'm not suggesting you parent her, no not by a long shot. You are an adult in the situation, thereby able to call the shots on what you chose to tolerate and participate in when it comes to SD.   Don't lose anymore sleep over her.  If she meets your demands and keeps herself clean, that says a lot about her and her parents.  
Don't go looking for activities but if she wants anything to do with you, have expectations. 
 

justmakingthebest's picture

I posted on your forum.

But I think you should get her a toddler potty training watch and diapers (Adult or pull ups depending on her size) and make her wear those until she can be trusted. 

I also wonder if this is a sensory thing- that was/is my SS's problem (autism) but the diapers and potty watch at 18 was enough to nip that problem. 

Left out mama's picture

As far as the pooing... she needs psychological help. Why her parents don't have her in it already blows my mind. it seriously concerns me that this is happening at 11. 
as far as the lying... my SD9 lies to. I get your frustration there. I have regretibly lost my composure in the past when it comes to being lied to.  I agree with the poster survivingstephell said.... be firm and blunt.What I have found that  works the best, at least in my home is when I know she's lying I say "I'm not buying it. Stop lying and give me the truth." I don't raise my voice or yell, I don't negotiate, and I don't ask please. Just matter of fact. " I know you are lying and I'm not buying it" 

I know that as a step parent it is hard because we believe we have no authority to issue consequences when our step kids act up. This is not true... I often plan outings with my Sd... just her and I... she loves it and it is a nice way of bonding. when I catch her lying and she really tried to stick to her lie... I cancel the plans I made with her. I  let her know that I don't take people who lie to me out to eat, the hair salon, or whatever outing she was looking forward to. I tell her that when somebody is going to disrespect me by lying or giving an attitude, ignoring (or what ever the offense may have been) that it makes me not want to go out of my way to do nice things for that person. I have only every had to actually cancel one outing... a warning is usually enough.
every home is different, but just because you can't take away thier phone, ground them, take away tv privlages does not mean that we need to be walked on