Further to my first blog, there have been so many developments that I don't even know where to begin. However I can say that things have definitely not become easier at all.
 

My in-laws have also jumped on the bandwagon and have succeeded in making me feel like the worst person in existence.

The kids are all returning to school, and I am rejoicing to finally have some of my own space, however  it poses new challenges because we live so far from the school that was chosen by the mother. Even though we have 100% custody now, we are still nine months later attempting to have the court orders changed to reflect the new situation so that we are not financially responsible for absolutely everything, and also not held over the barrel with things like the schooling.

my father-in-law offered to help having the kids stay over there once or twice a week depending on the various after-school activities, but he has now stepped back from that offer. His excuse is that he cannot deal with both of them. I don't understand this as they're actually quite good kids and apart from sniping at each other now and again (all kids do that and they are not like some of the other little monsters out there).

Trying to figure out the logistics has been driving my husband and I crazy and I appealed to my father-in-law to please at least have his grandkids come over to him after school at least twice a week and not even stay over the night.  

He had the audacity to turn around and tell me that he is not the parent, and this is my and my husbands issue to sort out.

I should probably add in there That through the years, my in-laws have all been very vocal regarding the children living predominantly with my husband and myself. Encouraging us and offering all sorts of help. And in fact until recently they were very helpful. So I simply cannot understand what has changed.

I  behaved in a way totally out of character for me and I told my father in law  that I am not the parent either, that I did not sign up for this, and I most certainly did not sign up for 100% care.

I also warned him that if my husband and I carry on this way there will be no marriage and then we will everyone be.

My in-laws were so shocked, as I never push back in this way, not that I have ever avoided confrontation, I am no shrinking violet, but I'm also at the end of my patience.
 

Unfortunately my in laws behaved like the victims and attempted to send me on a guilt trip going on about the poor innocent children, that the kids did not ask for the situation, that they are the true victims of this and so on and so on.

Not a word of understanding, empathy or sympathy for either their son or me.

I simply cannot believe that this has all been put at my feet.

I cannot work as someone needs to be there for the kids the whole time, mostly due to the living arrangement and distance from the school. I gave up my dream job in order to facilitate this. 
 

we cannot move, because we cannot afford it. So much money has been spent on legals the last 11 to 12 years that I have known my husband. Can you believe that this has been going on for that long? Has anyone else had such a long lived battle with the ex?

I don't have my own kids (as per my first write up my husband and I made the decision a few years ago not to have kids of their own, firstly because we could not afford it, secondly I was too tired and too old, and I had the love of two lovely stepchildren. We'd also come to a point where we liked the lifestyle of having the kids some of the time, and then having our own time.) 

Now .... I don't have any time or space to myself in my own home, and now I'm getting no support either and soon my husband will be returning back to work full time. With all respect to him, he doesn't fully understand the impact this is all going to have on us very shortly.

what really upsets me is that an offer was made and has been taken back. An offer that was like a lifeline, and my father-in-law knew it.
 

I have tried so hard to understand his change of heart and find out what has changed, but I just keep getting the same response of it's not their problem, and having two teenage kids overnight is too much for them. 

Even more infuriating is that when the children were young and my husband and his ex-wife we together, my father-in-law practically raised the two kids for the first couple of years of their life in Order to facilitate my husband and his ex working

The kids are older now, far better behaved than they were, they will be getting home at around 4:30 pm, doing homework, eating going to bed and then off to school the next morning by bus. In fact by bus both ways so my father-in-law doesn't even need to drive them. We will also gladly subsidise and pay for any food et cetera used. I really don't understand the issue.
 

To add to the complication my husband's two sisters have also thrown their  opinions saying that all parents have to suffer the same thing and we must 'suck it up', forgetting that I was never a full-time parent and never wanted to be. 
 

The one sister is divorced and has a week on week off situation with her ex-husband who by the way is  a lovely man accommodating and helpful, and not a vindictive spiteful troublemaker like my husband's ex-wife.

In case you're wondering, the mother is also no help. She is angry that her children said they mostly wanted to live with their father, that they were tired of her lies and drama.
 

However I think she was just shocked as we were that we were awarded 100% custody. Having said that she's made no effort with the children. She does have rights to the children, half of each holiday. But my SD refuses to go.

I feel that she created an issue and now it has become my problem. I truly believe that children should have contact with their mother and spend time with her. It's important for their development and having healthy relationships one day. But the children don't want to see her, and my husband is not helping the situation either, he is not encouraging them.

I hate to sound like I am whingeing, because I know that there are always people worse off, I'm starting to hate my life, not make an effort with myself, my sex life is non existent (it used to be FANTASTIC) my husband is starting to make huge complaints about this, but having said that he is understanding of how I feel, to appoint only though. I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm just going to either walk out of this place one day, or I'm going to smack someone in the head.

I also feel like I have become the proverbial fishwife as my SD suddenly stopped doing things she knows are rules in our home, simple things and it's driving me insane hearing my voice asking the same things over and over again.
 

My husband doesn't even ask anymore because he's tired of it. His other tactic is to then say I'm too fussy and I must relax. This morning we had a whopper of an argument, because something I asked for twice was not done and I became annoyed about it. I did not raise my voice, I did not behave in an aggressive manner, I simply let it be known that I was not happy, and that it was not helpful to me. I was accused of being controlling. If I did not walk away I know I would have hit somebody.

it scares me that I have had these feelings which are so foreign to me awakened in me. Am I really such a horrible person?

Has anyone else encountered this sort of thing and how have you managed to cope?