what to do
My issue is not necessarily the parents at this point but the wife's ex-boyfriend from high school. I am a step-dad. She has a child from a previous marriage but X from high school will not get the hint that she is not coming back to him. In the twenty years since graduating he moved on to someone else, married and had kids and so did she. they both got divorced around the same time unbeknownst to each other. they ended up moving to the same apartment complex. she has never led him to believe she was anything other than his friend. he made a couple of moves and she shut it down. we got married two years ago and i tried to make friends with the guy but he was obnoxious and rude so i just stayed out of it. they met about once a month for dinner and for the kids to play together. i didnt mind but he minded that she would call me and say i'll be home at such and such time, do you need anything, etc. i dont like to be around him because it is very obvious in the way he looks at her that he wants more. all of our friends see it but she does not. last year she accompanied him to his company christmas party and again this year. i told her i didnt like the idea but okay whatever. well this year they went out to a club afterwards and she ran into some of our friends. she tried to get him to hang out and talk to them but he went crazy and had to be removed from the club. our friends brought her home since she had rode with him. she was upset by his behavior to say the least. today he sends her an e-mail telling her he was tired of not being number one in her life and being treated as though he came second. What?? she asked me what i thought and i told her he just told you what we have all been telling you for a long time---he is still in love with you... i told her he is delusional to think he would ever be second.....she feels sorry for him because he lives with his mother, has a drinking problem, overweight and has few friends. it still doesnt give him the right to treat her that way...before she and i got together they spent time together because their apartments were across from one another. when we got married and got a house; he just couldnt handle it. sorry to go on and on but i needed to get that out....so what do you think...should she respond to him and how?
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It's over
I had a coworker at my old job get attached to me while he was going through a divorce. Thing is he was the type that doesn't take no for an answer. I asked my boss to move me away from him, because he started intruding on my personal life (why do I attract psychos? No wonder I'm neurotic about dating!) & started to keep me from working for people that were on our own team. When he started manipulating my career behind my back I got pissed. My boss told me to talk to him. I asked how he thought I should go about doing that. After exploring it he realized there was no way I could reason with him without him trying to retaliate, so they just moved me. I acted like he never existed & still didn't exist... it was cold, but I knew any positive feedback or sympathy I gave him he would take as a sign of affection. And it was appreciated that I moved before things got out of hand & HR had to be involved.
She's going to have to end it, & make sure he knows it's over. The best way to do that with someone like that is to be as least confrontational about it. Don't let him think it's his fault. She needs to act act like she's occupied & distracted. Let her read this email if need be. Good luck.
Hipi
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
potential scary stuff
some of these situations do not end safely. First of all i am kind of againsta wife going to another man's christmas party, second he could snap and it be one of those obsession, passion deals. Personally I think she has let this go way too far.
I have male friends but am also a boundary girl.
"We don't understand life anymore at 40 then at 20, but we know it and admit it" Jules Renard
Um, no.
She should not respond to him. She should send him one last email that says something to the effect that she's happily married and, as such, doesn't feel it would be appropriate to continue socializing with him. She should thank him for his friendship, wish him well and say she's sure he'll understand why she needs to sever their ties. Then she should block his email address and phone number and never respond to him again. This guy sounds scary. I wouldn't want him around.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Why
would you ever allow YOUR wife to socialize with another man that at one time had a relationship with? Why would she want to socialize with a man she once had a relationship with? High school or not. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Would she allow you to befriend and socialize with one of your ex's? I feel sorry for him is an excuse. Put your foot down and do not for any reason allow her to contact him ever again. Sever the ties right now. Tell her it is not even acceptable to email to sever the ties. Copy that email he sent and contact the police. I would want them to know this mans mentality. Be on alert.
My kids biggest cheerleader
Sounds
like she kinda likes the attention. She shouldn't be going anywhere with him.