The "Mommy Gene".......
I read an article or heard a news story or something this weekend and started a conversation with DH about how they now say that some women have a "mommy gene" and other don't really have one. I guess that means that low and behold something is true that we've all known all along - some women just aren't 'motherly'. He commented in some way to infer that I don't have the mommy gene. Even went so far as to ask my DD13 if she thought I had it. Of course she defended me and said I did, I was taken so off guard that I couldn't really respond to him. I just am beyond confused as to what he views as 'mommy-like'. His own mother is most certainly missing the mommy gene. She literally abandoned him as a child and no longer has any relationship with him.
So even today I am sitting here stewing about this, wondering what it is he sees in me that makes him say that.
Is it that I am not 'child-focused' in every minute of my life? I believe in balance and compromise. I don't believe in making children the center of everyone's attention.
Is it because I am more a realist? I am honest and straightforward with my kids. I can see their weaknesses and their faults. I correct them when I see them doing things that others may find unbecoming and irritating.
Is it because I am not Mushy/gushy? I don't make a big fuss over nothing. I show them affection but don't gush and blubber over ever word they utter. I don't overreact to everything they do as if it's a major accomplishment.
Or is it solely because I am not motherly toward SD?
Then I am asking, does he think BM is a a good mother because she does do all these things? Because I don't, she might be motherly and have the mommy gene but she is not a good mother in my book. She is too focused on herself and her own selfish needs to put a child first. She always makes the easy choice and never teaches her child the necessary life skills that will make her successful, and she does these things because it's easier. It's easier to be a friend to your child than being a parent. Being a good parent is hard and requires making the hard choices.
I can be honest and admit, I don't like ALL children. I am not crazy overboard trying to make all kids like me. But I do think I am a good parent to my kids. My kids love me and know that I love them and know that I will always be there to support them. They know they can count on me to meet their needs, physical and emotional. They also know that they can count on me to straighten them out when they get out of line. I have always wanted my own kids. I loved being a parent when they were babies. I also am glad in some ways that that stage of my life is over, no matter how much I enjoyed it, it was exhausting to me. I have been glad that DH and I choose not to have our own children together. For many reasons. But does all that make me lack the "mommy gene"?
I guess I was shocked to have someone view me as not-mommy like, and especially shocked to have that someone be my DH.
I may just need to start this conversation over with him and find out. This is just a vent but how would your DH's define it? Is it just a difference of the way men think?
- PrincessFiona's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
"of course, my hypocrisy is
"of course, my hypocrisy is pretty much limitless."
hahahahahaha! if you can admit it, then you are my kind of hypocrite!
Maybe your DH is just an
Maybe your DH is just an a$$hole and did this so you would question yourself?
I mean really.....did he really expect YOUR DD to say you were a bad mother? I bet he did not expect her to say that, but he got the ugly "mommy gene" out in the open so you could stew in it all day.
I don't like your DH.
LOL, well I love your honesty
LOL, well I love your honesty ! The whole conversation was much more light hearted then my post implies. The comment to my DD was really more jokingly than my stewing requires.
I hope you don't judge my DH from this alone. He's a man after all so he has his a$$hole moments and this certainly was one of them. But overall he is a good man. I took more away from our brief conversaion than was probably warranted.
Don't worry, I'll make him pay for it later !
That was a really strange
That was a really strange thing for your DH to say. Did you ask him what he meant by it?
And what a low blow to ask your daughter...
I have a Mommy gene because I
I have a Mommy gene because I love my own children and my dogs more than anything on Earth. But I must not have a SM gene because I can barely tolerate the youngest asshole.
GOD HELP ME!
My son was not planned and I
My son was not planned and I had him at 19. I love him but I honestly don't want anymore kids and if I could go back in time I wouldnt want to have kids. EVER! I really cant stand other peoples kids either, it seriously seems like most kids these days are just plain fucking AWFUL.I love my niece/nephew and I would raise them should my brother and his ex & wife die or whatever but I would never WILLINGLY have anymore kids!!!
As for skid....I wish he would fall off the face of the Earth...
How's THAT for a Mommy Gene? LMBO!!!
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/l
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/09/is-there-a-gene-for-mother...
I have never wanted kids. I
I have never wanted kids. I have never been pregnant. It's not that I dislike kids, it just that I've never wanted any of my own. Go figure that I'm a big enough dumbass to marry a man with kids.
That being said....
I may not have the Mommy Gene but I did inherit the "Mommy Glare". You know the one, it stops everyone in their tracks.
Does that count??
My little sister has one skid
My little sister has one skid and 4 bios. I was visiting one day and her kids were a little out of control because I was there, running around and yelling. My oldest niece came around a corner running straight towards me and I gave her the "hairy eyeball". Which stopped her and the other kids in their tracks.
My little sister squealed "That is NOT fair. How did you get the Mom Look and I didn't? I had the kids! How did you get it without having kids??"
Bwwwwahahahahahahaha!
Me being cynical here, but I
Me being cynical here, but I wonder if what he meant was you don't do all the child care/cooking/cleaning he'd rather not do, so therefore you're a "bad mom".
Wheni in reality, he's just resentful he can't be like Ward Cleaver and come home from work and read the paper and everything is all taken care of.
Like I said, I may just be being cynical.....
My DH made the comment one
My DH made the comment one time when we were having one of "those" discussions (SK's) that I'm not exactly MOTY material. I looked at him for a moment and then asked him for examples where I'd failed miserably at being a mom and he couldn't come up with anything concrete. So I figured, since he opened that can of poisonous snakes, that I'd verbally list out some of MY observations to HIM...
ME:
Had kids lat(er) in life -- in my 30's, after having been married for 10 years without kids
Ended up a truly single (widowed) mom by the time I was 36
Never allowed my kids to use the "poor little me" card to behave inappropriately
My kids were taught from an early age to use please and thank-you
Both do well in school and are very intelligent
My kids blend easily with most other kids, and treat adults respectfully
Know they are only asked to do something TWICE before consequences set in.
HIM:
Agreed to have kids because the BM "wanted a couple"
Divorced before the his kids were 2 years old
Always had his parents to take the kids the majority of the time if he couldn't
Raised them to believe they ran the show
His kids couldn't say please or thank-you to save their lives
They're flunking in school and nobody seems to be particularly worried about it (not even ME anymore because nobody else seemed to care)
His kids won't make friends because nobody's "good enough" - they're either too poor, too fat, too tall... you get the idea (thanks BM, for passing THAT trait to your kids)
His kids will totally ignore adults - not say hello, good-bye, kiss my ass, or anything.
His kids will threaten to not come over anymore if there's something expected of them (like picking up their wet towels, cleaning their room, etc)
But I'M the one who's severely lacking in my parenting skills?
Honestly, I know it's difficult, but take what your DH said with a grain of salt. I know you're probably dying to know what was behind it, but I'm guessing his answer may be as obtuse and the answer I got from my DH. It was a stupid statement made, for whatever reason, with nothing to back it up.