Dating - Not even OT | StepTalk.org

So my ex has been blocked for a while now. And this guy kept asking me on dates. I kept stalling saying no, etc. But tlaking to my therapist, we kind of agreed that it could be okay for me to go on some dates. That it would be healthy for me to kind of start putting myself back out there. And that dtaes doens' tmean a relationship.

So fastforeward, this man is a GENTLEMAN. Opens the car door for me every time. We were texting and I mentioned I ran out of water, he legit dropped some off, I mentioned I like IKEA, he took me there... 3 hours away... Like I've been astonished at just how sweet and thoughtful he's been.

SO what's wrong with him you ask???? He's got 5 kids... AND while that doesn't mean as much as how they handle the exes and kids.... BM2. Absolutely batshit.

Background on the situation. He's got visitation every other weekend on both sets of kids. 3 with BM1 (i think) and 2 with BM2. BM1, no issues. BM2. Found out we had been on like a handful of dates - by literally guessing his google password, reading through all his messages and tracking his location. (keep in mind they've been divorced 2 years, and skeptical me checked this story with a mutual friend and everything PRIOR to accepting a date) so she has told everyone they've been secretly dating and that I'm a side hoe... Found my Fakebook, requested to be my friend, sent me a message, and then when I didn't respond. And proceeded to send me a whole ton of crazy texts.

Anyways, done with the crazy ex thing, I went ahead and took screenshots and forwarded them to my lawyer, who has advised that if she contacts me more I can file criminal harassment charges, and if she shows up at my place, I can file tresspassing charges on top of the harassment charges.

I told homie about it, and he apologized profusely, showed me the angry messages from her to him too, and told me if I have to pay the lawyer he'll pay for it since it's his fault for exposing me to this.

So idk what I'm doing, but I did tell him I need a step back from all this, because I'm not dealing with a crazy baby momma again like that.

Told a friend. He told me that I'm probably cursed and just shouldn't ever date again for everyone's safety. lmao. he honestly may be right.

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Girl run!Seriously. Run!

Girl run!

Seriously. Run!

ETA you are child-free, right? You can start your own family, or be part of a child-free couple. Be picky! Much picker than 5 kids, 2 BMs, and one of them a stalker!

I am child free :) And I don

I am child free :) And I don't want to give birth to one. So. lmao

Oh wow okay I did laugh, but

Oh wow okay I did laugh, but really I don't think you are cursed. 5 kids and 2 baby mamas and a crazy one to boot whose already starting drama...much as he may be nice I would probably pass on that one.

Good. You deserve a laugh :)

Good. You deserve a laugh :) But yes. 5 kids and 2 baby mamas. Is a Major fricking ouch.

Oh yeah, end it now. You

Oh yeah, end it now. You will find more guys that are nice and sweet out there. Do it now before you get more invested. You paid enough in life sacrifices with that ish....

Plenty of fish in the sea!

He could be an expert love bomber

But once he lured you in....

Yeah love bombing was my

Yeah love bombing was my first thought too

These guys seem so amazing at

These guys seem so amazing at first, then leave you chasing the high of who you thought they were, wondering what you can do or say to make them "amazing" again, or what you did to make them change. But they were never really amazing, were they?

Nope. Once you start seeing

Nope. Once you start seeing those red flags you realize they were there from the start.

Discussed all that with my

Discussed all that with my therapist too. IF I start dating SOMEONE (not this one. lol) Minimum of 2 years dating prior to any permenant life commitments... People can fake a year. So secodn year would be an actual realistic portrayal of how things would be going forward.

I remember my high school

I remember my high school psychology teacher telling us that it takes 2 years (minimum) to really get to know somebody.

Just another reason to wait

Just another reason to wait even longer then :) Totally not opposed to that. I'm squirrely at best when it comes to commitment right now

Toss him back.. he may be

Toss him back.. he may be wooing you.. but when they have TWO BM's.. even if one is "crazy".. what part did HE play in driving them crazy? What did HE do that made the relationships not work? I know they will have a great "but it wasn't me" story.. but honey.. he has too much baggage... Has your therapist suggested you get a pet if you want company? lol.

Sure.. I get that you don't have to wrap yourself off from the rest of the world.. but I would be putting a list of non-negotiables.. and one of them would have to be more than one BM for any reason... maybe including widowhood (did he kill them?)

LMAo. Didn't kill them.

LMAo. Didn't kill them. First one beat the shit out of him. Second one got knocked up on purpose after they discussed no more kids becuase she "wanted more than BM1" and he realized he couldn't trust her anymore.

Eh, she's seen the crazy

Eh, she's seen the crazy first hand, so he's telling the truth about that. Not all marital problems are caused equally by both parties. Sometimes someone really is crazy.

Run for the hills, though - he needs to get his crazy ex under control.

Here's Aunt IDC's 3 pieces of

Here's Aunt IDC's 3 pieces of advice:

1. Buy alcohol and toilet tissue in bulk. You will eventually need both, and neither expires.

2. You are not cursed. You're a wonderful, intelligent woman. Keep in mind no one will ever win the battle of the sexes because there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

3. Invest in a good Battery Operated Boyfriend (BOB). If you have to buy a diesel-powered generator to keep up, so be it. You can respect BOB the next morning. A lot of men aren't worth your first yawn. 3-somes with Ben & Jerry on a weekend while sitting around in shorts and a t-shirt aren't bad things. You can always invite Little Debbie over and get really kinky.

Signed, IDC3117 BTDT

Lmao. I love every bit of

Lmao. I love every bit of this!

Dang

Find a single guy no kids no ex baby mama. At 26 there are tons, I mean TONS available.

Enjoy your life with the freedom you have.

I've never done online dating

I've never done online dating, but is there a way to filter for child-free and wishes to remain that way? If you don't want kids, there are probably a lot of guys for whom that will be a big plus.

I tried online and ended up

I tried online and ended up with some major creeps. So I gave up on that. lol. Of course, regular dating also seems to be going poorly for me too.

That's how he did it

That's how he got 2 BMs and 5 kids. Omg.

You've got so much going for

You've got so much going for you, including your youth. There is no need to settle. Date, date, date and enjoy life! It'll happen when it happens.

Holey old socks!

Run, PA! RUN!!!

Run directly to the nearest exit.

Do not pass Go.

Do not collect $200.

RUN!!!

Oh, tell him "thanks, but no thanks" then block him and Crazy Twunt.

Love you Ani <3 Crazy twunt

Love you Ani <3 Crazy twunt can't be blocked. Lawyer wants me to monitor it in case I need to file charges, especially since she let slip she knows where I live. So anything I got was forwarded to him as a screenshot.

Love you, too, darlin'! <3

Lawyer has a point. Sigh... But you don't have to stay in contact with the date dude. xo

I have been wondering how you have been doing!

OMG ... noooooo! You need to find a nice man without all the baggage and drama! You deserve so much better!

He can totally be a gentleman, but he also probably knows he has to go even more out of his way since he has 5 kids, 2 BM's and at least 1 is totally a psycho.

I agree with Aniki tell him "thanks, but no thanks."

Well you know the say you need to kiss a few frogs to find your prince, so this is a total FROG and not your PRINCE.

Not ready to settle down yet

Not ready to settle down yet anyways. This was just me attemptign to dip my toes back in the dating pool. and then going "wtf"

Plus crazy a BM equals SKs

Plus crazy a BM equals SKs that target their SM.

We all know that I have one

We all know that I have one of the worst BM's to deal with on the planet. I would still not change a moment with my husband. Even with all the drama, all the stress and all the tears. He has been my best friend, my rock, my safe place.

Your BM is absolute stress.

Your BM is absolute stress. I'm always so so glad to hear you're happy with your DH beyond that though. especially after reading about the drama with your ex this morning,..

I mean, when you have a man

I mean, when you have a man that leaves you a post-it on the mirror to smile today. Sends an email as soon as he can from the ship, telling me that this will all pass and that we have whatever comes at us together- How can I not still be madly in love with that man?

Even BM's antics aren't enough to make me doubt him for a minute.

I don't know about this man that you started seeing but I wouldn't throw him away over an ex just yet. Just make sure he can establish good boundaries that you are comfortable with.