You are here

I hate watching this Ferris wheel...

SubstituteMommy's picture

My SO and SD9 are driving me crazy. As she gets older, she becomes more disobedient, sneaky, dishonest, and rebellious. She gets into trouble constantly. My SO has always been pretty good with the discipline, but he's always had a tendency to cut punishments short because SD plays pity party and he feels guilty. It's like watching a Ferris wheel go around and around. It's always the same thing.

SD messes up. SO gets mad. SD gets grounded. SO tells her to behave for a few days. SD acts like a pathetic, solemn little angel. SO feels bad. SD gets her punishment lightened or taken away completely. SD messes up. SO gets mad. SD gets grounded. SO tells her to behave for a few days. SD acts like a pathetic, solemn little angel. SO feels bad. SD gets her punishment lightened or taken away completely. SD messes up. SO gets mad. SD gets grounded. SO tells her to behave for a few days. SD acts like a pathetic, solemn little angel. SO feels bad. SD gets her punishment lightened or taken away completely. Repeat over and over and... I'm sure you catch my drift.

It's a never ending cycle and I'm so tired of witnessing it. It would be easier if she didn't live with us or if her BM was involved, but her BM stays away as much as she can. Being a step-mom is painfully exhausting.

Comments

JRI's picture

This sounds just exactly like my DH and SD.  You could just as easily call it a train wreck as a Ferris wheel. Your SD is 9, just wait til she is a teenager, sneaking the car out, skipping school, stealing, etc.  I'd like to tell you it will get better, or how to fix it but don't know how.  The problem is with no consequences, a girl might learn she can do whatever she wants.  As one poster quoted her DH, "if you poo on people, they divorce, evict, fire or unfriend you".  My SD is 58 and sadly reaping the harvest.  My blog about mini-wife tells what can happen.  I feel for you.

SubstituteMommy's picture

Thank you for sharing your experience. I dread the teen years and I admit that I don't think that my relationship will survive it. There is no fix when my SO feels guilty and softens the punishment AND when she has zero rules and zero consequences when she is with her BM. It's rough... but it's nice to have people who understand!

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I soooo feel your pain! My SD is 10 and she behaved the exact way you are describing your SD. Thank god mine does not live with us but just the EOW is enough for me, my DH doesn't even discipline which is more frustrating because he can't be the bad guy and BM is trying soooo hard to be the cool mom and her BFF my SD feels like she walks on water. I warned DH when SD was 8 to seriously give her some structure or he will pay later and yep I was right! I learned to just look the other way because it's too annoying trying to step in and force a parent to parent ! 

SubstituteMommy's picture

I've read about so many of these types of girls on this site! They're awful and aggravating to deal with at eight, nine, and ten! What happens at twelve, thirteen, and fourteen? That's terrifying! You're so lucky that you only have to deal with yours EOW. I warned my SO, too! All I ever heard was, "She's a good kid." and "She will grow out of it." It has only gotten worse with age and I honestly do not see it getting any better.

MumOfCats's picture

At 12, 13 and 14 it descends into the various circles of StepHell. Exhausting, emotionally draining and incredibly frustrating, hence my 100% disengagement. 

SubstituteMommy's picture

That sounds horrible. Disengaging doesn't seem like enough because SD will still be living in my house on a full-time basis. I hate feeling like this...

morrgin's picture

That's what I call it. It feels like Alice in Wonderland. Everything I thought as normal responsible parenting is suddenly backwards and I'm the one to blame for having a problem with it. If  I were you I'd do my own thing and remove myself from their dysfunction. It's still sad to see.

SubstituteMommy's picture

I know exactly how you feel as far as being blamed for having a problem with bad parenting. I feel as though I will need to remove myself by the time she reaches her teen years. If I can't handle things now, I certainly won't be able to handle them later.