This blog might just be one long rant....
Because I am in a situation where I am in love with a woman who has made the mistake of indulging her kids at almost every turn. Consequences are something that was never enforced so here is what she ended up with:
Daughter - age 12 - I swear by all that is holy that this girl is bipolar or something. I just don't know. She will act out, receive a punishment and then look at her mother or I and call the "offender" a stupid jerk or something of the like. We will then jump her $hit about what she said and she will INSIST SHE DIDN'T SAY IT. Too say that I am incredulous at this is an understatement.
Son - age 11 - I think the kid is a sociopath. He will lie to your face even when the truth is known to all involved. He antagonizes everyone, including me. Funny part is that I know his game and the only one who is going to pay is him.
Son - age 7 - This kid has potential, but he likes to pattern himself after his siblings. It's the whole "if they can do it, so can I" notion. He shines at times, but other times he is a complete and total brat.
I have two biological kids. My son has Asperger's and my daughter is copying behaviors of her BM. Saints be praised, right? Except BM plays stupid all the time and has no work ethic. Claims that carrying a full-time schedule in college (she's 41) is too much to work as well. Of course, she dated/was married to me the entire time I pursued a Bachelor's Degree full-time while working full-time and a Master's Degree while working full-time. Back to my son that has Asperger's, well, that's another bundle of issues in and of itself.
And I know life ain't fair, and I know that 90% of the problems we face are those that we create, so feel free to keep that brand of criticism to yourself. Also - I know some might take issue with my use of the labels "bipolar" and "sociopath". I'm not a board-certified psychologist, so who am I to say, right? I'm a person who has an opinion, and that's just what those are.
So - I'm going to take each day as it goes...and if I need to disengage from the FSKs, then I will. And if I need to disengage completely from the situation...then I will.
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Comments
Why are you signing up for 3
Why are you signing up for 3 skids?????? They are going to be annoying for at least the next decade!! Is it really worth your sanity?
I am still pondering "signing
I am still pondering "signing up for" them. Is it worth my sanity? No.
I'm rapidly lowering expectations and at the same time evaluating whether or not it's good for me or my kids. Let's just say that these next few weeks will be spent thinking about whether or not I want to do this.
I really have great skids.
I really have great skids. Every weekend, though, they come back from their supervised visitation with their BM and they forget that there are rules here and discipline and consequences. One had the nerve to tell my DH that he was a bad father b/c "a good father would let me do what I want." This from a 10 year old. We discipline them and they say that their BM told them that we were just trying to control them. Like that's a bad thing! Controlling a 10 y/o and a 13 y/o? She thinks they should just be allowed to roam free like she did (FYI - she has court-ordered supervised visitation with her children so that'll tell ya how she turned out). Sorry for the rant - THE POINT IS - we keep the video camera ready at all times. When they start acting stupid we video tape it. 75% of kids are liars. The other 25% are still liars but have a distorted sense of reality - they actually believe the lies they tell. But if the skids know we're taping they shut the hell up and take the punishment b/c they don't want to see themselves later on tape acting like a fool. They used to want to fight about punishments given, "that's not fair, you're too controlling, I don't have to listen to you" etc etc. But since we've began videotaping (which was suggested to us by their counselor) the mouthing off and lying has really been curbed. I guess the other point is that if your SO won't get on board, then you're fighting a losing battle. Best of luck to you!
Wow - videotaping is an
Wow - videotaping is an awesome idea. And such an easy thing to manage with video phones.
Funny thing - I just got done calling the thunder to the boys telling them that if their mother isn't home, I'm the authority and I don't care if she disagrees. That was probably a step too far but I'll live with it.
Well, if your SO doesn't
Well, if your SO doesn't agree with how you discipline her children when she's not around - then she shouldn't be asking you to babysit. My DH and I had that conversation a L-O-N-G time ago. I told him that if he wasn't around that I would discipline the skids how I saw fit and if he didn't like it then I just wouldn't watch them anymore. Haven't heard a peep about my disciplining since. But I'm a hard-ass. But you sound like one too. Thumbs up and good luck.
My signature shares my
My signature shares my thoughts on discipline. My DF hasn't quite gone that far, but she is close. I think that day will come soon.
My SS (17 this weekend) is an
My SS (17 this weekend) is an Aspie with a serious case of leasrned helplessness and he mimics his BM's Bipolar behaviors. I have been dealing with him since he was 8. DH is awesome, I love him dearly but sometimes I question why I didn't run like hell the first time I saw the kid act like an animal. I never wanted or liked kids....this is what I got myself into. I have been going to a therapist and been on Xanax for the past year because I can no longer deal with the kid, the BM and DH's enabling. I use to think well he will be 18 soon (371 days to be exact), but I know he isn't going to fall off the face of the earth. I was in my parents life daily until they passed, so I don't expect anything else. Now I ask myself the same question is this worth my sanity? My answer is the same as yours NO. The next question is why are we staying?
My Aspie is "rule boy" which
My Aspie is "rule boy" which is problematic since, if he doesn't know the rules, he creates them. His other issue, which DRIVES ME NUTS, is that he doesn't read social situations correctly and will often think of things in their most negative light. It's very trying at times, but on the flip side he has an EXTREMELY strong social justice streak, so as long as he understands what is fair, he will fight for it, even if it means he loses out. And he is honest to a fault. The other 4 kids always look to him when they want someone to support them and they hate it when my DF and I call on him to let us know what's going on.
I'm biased because I'm Dad, but I think he's going to grow out of his issues just fine, but not without some work.
Most Aspies need rules, I
Most Aspies need rules, I have the same problem here that you do...he creates he own rules. I don't know what goes on at BM's house, the "rule" is he is not allowed to talk about what goes on there. HERE, DH wants to be a friend rather than a parent....so we will by Aspie created rules. It was only a few months ago (October) that DH finally agreed to have the kid eval'ed. However, he has been in therapy for a year, now he is in group. The good news is, yes (even without therapy) an Aspie can outgrow some of the issues (like the rage fits). Mine has the problem with social cues and interaction but he also has a strong sence of justice. BUT....he has a serious issue with lying.
He needs your support, why taint him with her children's issues?