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"Third time this week"

thinkthrice's picture

Went to an estate attorney yesterday to tighten up my will and put the rentals in a revocable trust.  Of course I came on my own as Chef wouldn't like the details on my will. LOL

The attorney was very nice and she completely understood how I just wanted Chef to have life use of the house and not any access to any of the other assets since he arrived on my threshold with nothing but the shirt on his back and I basically paid his child support for almost 20 years as well as his room and board.

I mentioned that I believe my situation is getting more and more common and she agreed.   She actually said that I'm the third woman this week who came in without their spouse or significant other!


Cover1W's picture

wow - yeah!  

I contact my financial advisor and asked that he move on just with my information for me alone because DH wasn't ready to get involved at this point. Waiting to hear back from him currently since he's processing all my final updates I did for him earlier in the week, so I'm ready to go.

For the wills and medical directives, DH said he does still want to do this (with much grumbling) so I let the attorney know to get a move on while we have momentum. Our draft copies should arrive for review next week. If DH does nothing and drags his feet I may allocate more to my sister and niece.  I also need to put, if possible, a clause in there that if DH, as executor, doesn't finish the will directives in a certain amount of time the next executor will take over and finish it.

notarelative's picture

It's always wise to get advice that is based on your interests, especially if you are in second marriage or a relationship. Finances are not the same as with a first marriage. First marriage we started with nothing and built our finances together. 

Second time, we were both over 50 when we remarried. We each had two adult children. I was a widow. He was divorced and then she died. The ex had gotten the lion's share of the assets in the divorce and when his kids inherited, they blew through it.

Thankfully, we have a prenup. Premarital assets are allotted to the person who brought them into the marriage. Mine are much larger than his. Our assets together are small and will be eaten up by end of life care. We have basically lived our life to the fullest with current earnings. 
And while we each know what is in the others will, we used different lawyers (the lawyers we used for the prenup). We went to our lawyer by ourself.

Rags's picture

Great advice

Though not my first marriage, our finances, Will, and heirs are in line with the first marriage model.

My XW and I married young (23 (6wks before my 24th) and 20) and divorced young (26 and 23) so the assets were not complicated and fortunately, I got it all per her settlement stipulations.

DW and I started with just my newly printed BS in engineering, two 8yo cars, and two apartments full of college furniture so we have built what we have together.  We are each others heir and benefciaries and it all goes to SS upon the end of both DW and me.  Not as complicated as it would likely seem due to me not having any BKs and.... SS-31 asking me to adopt him when he was 22yo. Not a planned money grab on his part. I have been his dad since before he turned 2yo.

He is ... our kid.

While once DW and I set up our Wills and estate structure to protect our assets from the SpermClan and stop them guilting SS out of his inherritance, we now would remove all restrictions from his inherritance.  He would not waste a Cent on them.  They have written themselves off from his life with their attempts to get him to repay them the CS that they were COd to pay that according to them took food out of the mouths his three younger half sibs by two other baby mamas.  That was the final nail in their coffin removing them as any consideration in his life.

I am all in on protecting what we build from toxic. Even when that toxic is a mate, a skid, or a kid.  Their toxic should not be rewarded upon our demise.

IMHO of course.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

My ex-BIL is one of those "show up with kids and nothing else but the shirt on his back" types. I heard he's living for free off some poor woman in the Midwest right now. After not working or having stable housing for years, he's now fighting for joint custody. My sister is all worried the girlfriend will take over with her kids. I told her the girlfriend will likely be the one putting a stop to it after the first summer of her doing all the work, since she either stays home or works from home (i'm not sure) and ex BIL finally got a job. I'm like "Trust me, no woman gets in a relationship with the goal of stealing some BM's kids. She's not going to be happy with the arrangement." 

Lillywy00's picture

Trust me, no woman gets in a relationship with the goal of stealing some BM's kids

Unless they're really desperate or self loathing 

Rags's picture

In an unbalanced marriage where one is a trainwreck and the other has their head in the game, I would be all in on isolating the trainwreck from any benefit of assets upon the death of the viable partner.

If I had any concern that my DW would waste one Cent of what we have built on her family, I would lock it all up in heartbeat under a very tightly defined trust under the hairy eyeball of a pit bull of an executor.  She would do the same if I represented a risk of wasting our resources on lost causes were I to survive her.

Since DW is far less likely to help her family even than I am, there is about as close to zero risk as possible to her giving any of them a Cent.  She gets it all upon my demise.

Ditto if she predeceases me.

Whatever is left upon our codemise, all goes to SS-31.  If... he is either 40yo or has completed a Bachelor's degree from an accredited institution.  If not, it goes into trust until he completes either or.  A final element of parenting from beyond the grave.

So to speak.

thinkthrice's picture

Was amazed that I did all the record keeping and taxes myself!  I told her that I keep very good records and electronically scan in everything with  redundant backups.