I hear ya, sister, I am very territorial about my house, too. When my SD's husband left her, she could not stay in their apartment as she had no job. Well, not my problem (she ended up back at BM's).

My SD has never stolen from me but I don't trust her and she is a total slob. Plus, I don't like living with other people, plus I did not get my tubes tied to live with somebody else's brats (my SD has 2, which she does not discipline).

If they lived here, I would end up having a psycho-bitch episode that would make BM look like Pollyanna. I am hyperventilating just thinking about it.

I would be feeling the exact same way...and you are right..she must have really fucked up if more than one person has kicked her out WITH A BABY. There is no reason you should allow her in your home.

What you should do, or, what you should guide your husband in doing, is to find a local shelter that exclusively takes women and children. These places can be ok from what I hear and they may even set her and baby up with a room and help them get into some kind of housing.

Does she take care of her baby well? Is she on drugs? Usually people who steal repeatedly are on drugs...that is why I ask.

I hope you update the situation. I am curious to see how it plays out. Good luck to you and stay strong!!!

When I was young, I was an idiot more than once and my parents didn't let me come back for years and years. She made her bed. The only sad part is the baby.

I am sorry that this situation has occurred and that it is stressing you out. However, I feel obligated to say that most bio parents are not going to allow their young adult child and grandbaby to stay on the street. So if you are taking a hard line about her staying in your home, then I would suggest you help find somewhere for her to go or be ready for your DH to continue to pay for a place for her. If you refuse to allow him to help her, it will cause him to resent you so much it may well be a deal breaker for him too.
I know that on ST everybody likes to say how they won't allow this or that and then the next thing you hear is they are getting divorced.
So to avoid getting into a bunch of drama and one or both of you feeling so disrespected, try to give your DH an out so that he can help his daughter but still respect your boundaries.
This is just my two cents and I really am sorry you are caught in such a bind.

Hmmmm - so she has a history of stealing.

Perhaps she stole money to get the baby pics done? From the BF's parents. Perhaps she has stolen little bits and bobs over the time she has been there and they lost it over this.

Perhaps she used money she was supposed to pay board with to get the pics done.

Obviously they didn't kick her out for having her baby photographed, and your DH MUST know that.

Ok, so - here's what you do. You need to get to sleep. You need to relax and let your body know that even though you are upset you are safe.

Take a deep breath, push out your belly button and push back your shoulders and breathe deeply. Stop thinking about it and realise that no matter how hurtful and ridiculous that was you are not in danger and it's ok to relax. Nothing needs to be done or thought about in this moment. So, breathe for a while until you are calmer and then find something to do that relaxes you. Take a shower, read a book, whatever - you will be mentally pissed off still but MAKE yourself focus on whatever it is and just allow yourself to let it go.

There will be time enough to think (because lets face it while you are angry and worked up you aren't really thinking clearly anyway) tomorrow, when you have all calmed down.

Just leave him be for now. Ask yourself if there is anything you can do in THIS moment that will change what is happening? No? Then let it go for now, come back to it tomorrow and start brainstorming plans - the girl and the baby cannot come to you, but it's his d and gb so he'll want to see them safe - help with that. Address your feelings to him in a letter - try and keep it calm, you don't ever have to give it to him but get it out on paper (tomorrow!)

Hugs.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your home! That "story" she told your DH sounds like such BS. She's already lying. Sooo glad she's not going to be in your home. Once she gets in, you know she won't leave since no one else will take her.

Stand your ground! I applaud you for sticking to your guns and not letting him guilt you into changing your mind.

That kid is not your responsibility. She isn't even his, any more, given her age. Geez, when I was 17 and pregnant and decided I didn't want to be married, I supported myself AND MY KID with nobody's help. I grew up in a house where we had maids, a chef, gardeners and a personal mechanic FFS, and I managed it. My own Dad would've said "you made your bed, now lie in it", if I dared approach him for help.

n this day and age support is available everywhere - so she needs to learn how to take care of her own shit.

Your idiot hubby is behaving like a true clueless dickwad. He is actually choosing her over YOU, his wife - what a fucking moron!!

I'm happy to hear it's YOUR house, so you can make them leave - never, ever compromise your own happiness - especially if you're getting no support from your spineless hubby.

These kids need to learn how to be independent - why'd she even spread her goddamn legs if she knew she couldn't handle taking care of a child? Did she think her parents would raise it? Oh..wait..yep..looks like Daddy's gonna carry her through this. So, what happens when she falls pregnant again? and again? Will Daddy continue to raise her kids and teach her absolutely nothing??

Fuck these entitled asswipes. If you can't raise your own child, then close your goddamn legs.

I certainly can't blame you for standing strong about the SD/baby staying in your home. It sounds like SD has worn her welcome in three different homes now. I wouldn't worry about the 'why' she left BF's home. It could be as simple as BF and her fighting and it got mean and nasty . Who knows, BF may have thought she had no where to go and would come to her senses...or she may have really did something that forced the parents to have no choice. Whatever happened doesn't change the fact she's out on the street at least for now.

I can't blame your DH for racing to fetch her and baby. Very few parents would let their young adult (still a teen in school) daughter and their little grandchild stand out on the street corner. I'd not worry he slept over in the vacant with her. Maybe if he works for the building this morning he can help the SD get the apartment for real at a discount (perhaps SD can work out something where she cleans vacant or does groundwork or something for a cut rent). The SD is safe for last night and DH has to find a more realistic situation than crashing over in a vacant. Give him a chance to find an agreeable place (or hell, SD might be going back to BF's after things cool down there). Dad can help SD, f she's really out of there, to file for child support and perhaps some assistance for young single mothers.

While I would continue to stand strong on using your own home, I would also do what I could to let DH know you aren't as heartless as he seems to think you are. Of course you care about the baby being homeless and the mess SD is making out of her life. Simple ways to show you're supportive (without opening your home). Gather up some spare blankets and pillows, a bag of food, maybe a spare this or that...just a handful of things SD will need to be fed and comfortable (or as comfortable as a homeless person can be in her emergency set-up). You don't wish or want any harm to come to either SD/baby and you are concerned about what's going on, but moving in with you just isn't doable. It's not the answer. It would just cause other problems. You can do little things without endangering your own self and home. Look up things like where SD can get single low income daycare for baby while she's in school for example.

Actually having it 'tough' (but safe) might do this young woman a favor by turning the mess she's made of her life and the poor decisions she's made into a 'good' thing. it might wake her up and make her grow-up and realize she has a child to care for now, and it's time she make serious changes in her life. There are gazillion agencies and govt. programs out there to help this girl. running home to Daddy and expecting Daddy to make everything all better isn't a solution. The SD got herself into this and she has to become independent enough to make it right for her child. let her use the agencies/programs , which are their reasons for existing, to give her the hand up she needs to hopefully become a functional adult and good supporting and strong parent her child needs.

Do not let DH take his frustrations on you. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it for his daughter. If he wants to 'resent' somebody/thing, let him put it where it goes...his young daughter who has made mistakes and poor choices. All you can do and should do) is be sure SD/baby are physically ok/safe and point her in the proper directions to find her way up and out of her self created crisis.

this would be my hill to die on, too. although my step sons have ever stolen from me (yet - never been given the chance), if they had, they would not be welcome, either. if my dh left to stay with them, i'd change the locks on the doors. this girl has made poor choices in her life (yes, bad parenting is the blame, but the results are the same), and obviously will continue to do so as long as she is constantly rescued. your dh will always come to her rescue, as mine probably will, and may be the down fall of my marriage yet. I've warned my dh about it and I mean it. it's not like we haven't tried with ss18, he knows the difference between right and wrong, but if he choses wrong, he'll go it without my dh or dh will do it without me. I see YEARS of drama ahead with these mal-adjusted kids. but, it WILL NOT affect me and if that means divorce, so be it. if dh wants to be a stand up parent NOW that it's too late and the only thing he can do is rescue, cue me out! stand your ground lady.

She is a minor. She is your husband,s responsibility. Unless she is strung out on drugs and unmanageable, in which case she should be turned into the court system and the baby removed from her possession , she still needs the protection of parental guidance and food and shelter. She is the child. You and your husband are supposed to be the adults in this picture. I expect i will get a bunch of flack for my opinion but there are too many throw away children in this world that could have the chance to become better people with the guidance of their parents.

Zerostepdrama has never said she is against her DH helping MSD or guiding her, but she does not want a thieving, lying, disrespectful, manipulating girl-woman living in her home.

There are alternatives to living on the street, one being, straighten your ass out so that the people you live with don't kick you out (if that's even really what happened).

Unless I missed it, why isn't anyone suggesting SD18 give custody of GB to her baby-daddy so SD18 can focus on getting her life back in order? Why is it assumed the SD18 and GB are a package deal? The GB has a BF and he has a family. Maybe it's time one or both of them step in for the baby's sake. I actually know what the answer to this probably is :).

But seriously without the GB in the picture, most of this hand-wringing and fretting goes away. It simply puts the focus where it should be: SD18 needs to grow the eff up. She is using the GB has a pawn to garner sympathy and support for her cause.