getting up to speed since last blog
Hi there, so its been a few months since the 'brat is back' blog. Well, theres been phases of it. Up and down. Ultimately Its school (and oh...having to like...work..and..pay attention) thats the real problem for SS. He has fairly bad Learning Disabilities (LD), and seemingly has such low motivation that it smells like low self-esteem (or maybe depression). My partner reminds me that 'Im not a doctor' so i should shut up and watch as he maybe never gets the help he needs...... But, the kid, he just can't see/sense how good hes actually got it - and how much worse it could be. He dosen't or can't or won't acknowledge how hard his mom has worked to get off the bones of her ass to drag him through school and keep him fed and clothed. He can be real obnoxious kid, and seemingly totally self-absorbed. As his SD, I wanna just be there if he has any questions. Very occasionally he'll ask me something - but mostly its 'did you get me a treat'. He has a very intense relationship with his mom, a very headstrong woman who takes parenting extremely seriously, and is very defensive of him, the two of them were a pair against the world for a long long time. Now its time for the kid to receive his instructions from the peer group, or so normal teen development and social psychology suggests. And its a real tumultuous split, i tell ya. Often I get so depressed - so wrapped up in it i can't get on with my own work - i don't feel creative, i feel stifled and bogged down. But I am loyal and admire my partner very much - I know we'll have a very good relationship when the SS leaves home. But hes failing high school , and I hope like hell he dosent become one of those kids who live at home till they're 30! Luckily he at least seems to have a very independent streak - but alot of it just may be posteuring. He's still a baby in many ways, but hes a big bulky lanky monster of a baby. A real paradox - he wants all the adult stuff, but still needs looking after. I dunnow. If me missus finds out about this blog im DEAD.
So, we're nearly half way through 2010, his high school are getting sick of the kid constantly giving them lip, not turning up, not doing a thing to respect the school rules, we might have to home school him soon. Oh no!! Less time to myself!!!!
I want to keep this blog until FREEDOM happens, that is, when he leaves home, so bless this blog , send me your love and um, i swear itll turn out good and he'll leave and paradoxically become a millionaire or something, another dyslexic genius success story or something and ill be 50 yrs old, a burnt out indie rocker.
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Cruder, Your partner sounds
Cruder,
Your partner sounds very similar to my wife. The main difference being that it was the Kid and his Mom alone against the world until I came along when the Skid was 15mos old. Since then the results we have had with my SS appear to be similar to the results you have had with your SS.
My SS graduates from HS (Maybe) in two weeks. At some level he is a very intelligent and well behaved young man. On another level he is an 8yo in a man's body and the world is about to chew him up and spit him out.
It took years but my wife and finally figured out that we can't fix our Son (my SS). He is going to have to figure himself out. The only way for that to happen is for him to fail, learn, fail and learn until he lands on what works for him. To minimize the family drama associated with his self discovery process his Mom and I decided to focus on HS graduation and forcing him to perform at at least the minimum level required to graduate. It looks like we are almost there (cross your fingers and knock on wood). He will at least have the options that a HS diploma will give him. Enlistment in the Armed Forces, college (some day maybe if God is willing), trade school or flipping burgers at the nearest fast food place.
To get to the cusp of HS graduation we basically stayed continuously up his ass. We checked his assignment planner every night, made him show us his homework the evening before it was due, and forced him to confirm with his teachers each week that they received his assignment and that he got credit for the work.
When we slacked off on verifying his work, he slacked off and his grades dropped. So, I recommend that you and his Mom keep your feet up his ass so he won't keep his head there. He may not learn how to self perform but he will at least move in to the young adult phase of his life with a chance of figuring it out.
I would recommend that you re-tune your prospective on "FREEDOM". Once a parent, always a parent IMHO. In the fortunate event your SS leaves the house when HS is over you will not be rid of the parental drama.
My own parents regularly remind me when my sails get a little to full of my self generated wind and have no problem letting the wind out of my sails when they feel it is necessary. And I am 46yrs old. Be ready to deal with the Skid and his issues for the rest of your life. Hopefully his issues will be of the reasonably usual type and not due to an endless string of bad decisions that he runs to Mommy (and you) to solve.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck and best regards,