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Hmmm...DH just told me I am a cold, bitter wench regarding Skids...

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 4:35pm

How the hell do I make this man see the truth? I am losing my damned mind! I tried to tell him about this site and how I dont feel so alone now with my feelings. I tried to read him a few things to try to give him some insight. NO WAY! He immediately put up his guard, got defensive and said "BOO HOO...you all are just a bunch of cold, bitter wenches that have nothing better to do bitch and complain!"

What the hell do I do to make him see how I feel???

Comments

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 4:51pm

Tell him you can come her for free or pay a counselor hundreds of dollars. Which does he prefer.

In here experience speaks. In his world are the problems.

Because he's produced the problems, you find solace in here.

If he has a problem with that, have him hand over the check book so you can write a small fortune away to have a counselor tell you the same advice you'll receive in here. And, you don't have to put wear and tear on a car to drive for an appt. OR to a support group. Bet he wouldn't want to drag his A$$ to the car and talk with other couples having kid problems.

You've got it great on this website.

So, now...what's his problem with you being here??

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:04pm

he doesnt care that I am on this site, he just doesnt ever want to hear about it. He said he has real issues and real life to deal with. I wish I wasnt so passive all the time. I just let him and the kids walk all over me. I have been told that this is why they dont respect me. I just dont know how to change things.

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

Submitted by ErinOnTheEdge on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:12pm

I have been reading Stepmonster, it's really helping me to see that my feelings are not unusual, and that are problems are shared by many other families. I read parts of it out loud to DH and he seems intrigued too. I suggest you try reading the book, it would be great if he would read it too, it might help him to see something based on research, interviews, etc.

Hang in there!

tigerlilly00's picture

Submitted by tigerlilly00 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:17pm

Thanks. I think I will go get the book. I already know that there is absolutely no way he would consider reading it. His words and actions have definitely already told me that he doesnt care what I think. I fear that I am going to end up being disengaged. I dont want to do that, but I am being pushed that way quickly. I do so much for the 3 Skids now but nothing is ever riciprocated. I am starting to think...why bother???

Mominator's picture

Submitted by Mominator on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:43pm

Leaving does no good. Been there, done that. Just gives those people full access to YOUR house, and they will take full advantage of it. You aren't creating any pain for him by leaving for a day or two.

Like SA said, DISENGAGE.

I also recommend a book my Therapist told me about, and it's done WONDERS for my self-esteem and being able to stand up for myself AND disengage SUCCESSFULLY.

BOOK IS:
Boundaries
(when to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life)
by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:49pm

I would like to see how your DH would deal with your situation if he was in your shoes. My guess is he would handle worse than you do, because as well all know men are babies.

myhusbandswife's picture

Submitted by myhusbandswife on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 10:10pm

Well, wench, Wink did you come here for advice or just to vent? If it's just to vent, then you got it out, quit your bitchin' ....... lol

Seriously, you need to LET GO Girl!!!

I understand completely, but there's such a thing as "sanity" and "staying in love with your spouse"!!

You are NOT these kids' mom, you are their Dad's wife. Period.

Back off. Do not try to parent them. It almost always does not work. If Daddy darling thinks it's so easy, LET HIM DO ALL OF IT! Get OUT of parenting mode. YOU are not their parent. It's not your job. Good luck, hon.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 02/26/2011 - 3:38am

I have found that some things about my STalker life I can share with my wife and others I can't. Not because of anything that I would not share but because of her reactions.

Most of the time she finds the discussions insightful, humorous or interesting.

Other things she reacts to in ways that I completely do not expect.

Share carefully as far as StepTalk. It can go either way at the drop of a hat.