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Just shoot me!

foxymama87's picture

Submitted by foxymama87 on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 1:45pm

Just found out I might be keeping SD9 for 3 months ON MY OWN!!! DF might be going out of town for business. (He's in the military) He needs to do some training for 3 months and he "Needs me" he Pleads me to keep SD9 during that time, during the week(because of school.) and have BM take her the weekends.

Our wedding is coming up soon. I've been planning for that with out DF's help and now on top of it he wants me to pretty much take care of HIS child (play the "other mommy" role.) while he is away at work for 3 months and BM is sitting in her home fanning her crotch not doing anything without a care in the world!!
WTF!!!?!! :jawdrop:

His reason: "because he really doesn't want BM to do it" I'm the better role model/figure and she's better off with me" Very true but Seriously!? Then he should have never had kids with the women dammit!!

Now I really need that week for "me time"!!

I just want to cry! Can this week get any better? What am I suppose to do now?? Sad

Comments

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 1:49pm

Oh hell no! I would not do it! Doesn't BM have first right of refusal for times when he's away? Would she want to keep her??

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 1:59pm

honey you don;pt have to do anything you don't want to do! Just tell him I do not want to do it and be done with it. If he can't get it then maybe you need to rethink marriage as it will always be a fight about this issue. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Do NOT allow him to treat you this way.

HELL NO to 3 months that is just plain wrong to even think about asking you to do it let alone really asking! I am so pissed for you!

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:16pm

yes, I agree please dont do this. I kept my ss for a whole year while my dh was in Iraq for the exact same reasons your man is asking you to keep his dd. I did it for dh. But truthfully did not stop to think-that it was wrong. Certainly wrong for me as I was caring for my own 3 kids (all under age 5) and working full time-but also very wrong for ss as well. At a time when his dad was gone from the house-he should have been with his other parent. He needed his other bio parent (even if I did think she was a below average parent)Like or not, bm and dh are the girls parents and the ones that she needs to learn to rely on. Perhaps this could be a time when bm and your sd bond more-it may improve their relationship which is ultimately something both your dh and you should want. The better parent she can be, the better off your sd will be. I did not even give my bm that opportunity and I think it further confused my ss. He was only 5 and just didnt quite understand where his dad was and why he didnt live with his bm? He had thought prior that he didnt live with his bm because he lived with his dad-now he wasnt living with his dad either and still wasnt living with bm? Confusing-since at the age he was aware that the majority of kids out there did live with either their mother or father or both.

BM, even if she's not jumping for joy at the opportunity, still needs to have it. She needs to take care of her own child and your sd deserves teh opportunity to have her mother care for her.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:19pm

Wait…wait…wait….you just told him that you did not want to watch her for a week so he turns around and asked you to watch her for 3 months? WOW. Just wow. I would tell, just what you said…BM is sane and is the MOTHER.
Now…I will be the one to point out that if the BM does keep her for 3 months…your DH will probably pay child support and she may want to keep her full time after that 3 months so your DH will lose his full time with her….(not that it sounds like he actually has much to do with her in the first place)…but if this happens he will probably blame you for not keeping her.

If she does keep her for three months, I would make sure it is done legal and noted that he will get her back full time after that.

Your FDH just floors me. You really need to stand up for yourself.

foxymama87's picture

Submitted by foxymama87 on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:54pm

"If the BM does keep her for 3 months…your DH will probably pay child support and she may want to keep her full time after that 3 months so your DH will lose his full time with her……but if this happens he will probably blame you for not keeping her."
________________________________________

That's what I'm afraid of. That she would want to fight for full custody of SD9 not for the sake of her child but to hurt DF and just be spiteful. To benefit her and no one else and honestly that's DF's worse fear, losing SD9 to her mother. He pretty much raised SD9 on his own (until I came in the picture of course.) BM did not want anything to do with that child. Once she gave birth to SD9 she handed her over to DF and said she's yours... He did everything! and I know he would blame ME if BM decided to fight for custody and actually win because I didn't want to keep her for those 3 months while he was away. But we are not married and it IS a liability for me. What if something was to happen to SD9 while she was under my care. Then what?. I would be screwed! How is that fair for Me? A child is better off with her parent. And that parent is not me. DF just doesn't get it.

newbiemommy's picture

Submitted by newbiemommy on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:23pm

If I were in your shoes I would say, "I understand how it may be better but she has another parent to care for her. I'm not her mother and I think she should be in the care of her parent. 3 months is too much to ask of me." I KNOW my SO would try this when/if he ever goes out of town.

majka's picture

Submitted by majka on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:47pm

Whoa! I hope this doesn't happen. My husband (and myself) are military, and I would NEVER do this. And I love my stepkids! Accoring to their parenting plan, I am able to have them up to 14 days alone (say if their father goes to training or something) but after 14 days, they MUST be given back to their mother.

Please let us know what happens, and your husband is a dreamer... he wants what is best (staying with you) but is not thinking realistically. You are NOT her mother, and if he has a problem with her BM, he should not have had children with her.

Goooooooood luck!

steptwins's picture

Submitted by steptwins on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 2:50pm

Dang I felt over the top asking DH tomorrow to have skids call BM for a ride as I'm out-of-town visiting aunt with cancer and he's at a political mtg. I made my plans weeks ago btw. Last weekend he was in a golf tournament both days, then baseball game all Sunday night. DH doesn't spend anytime w/his boys, nor does BM. Why me???

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Fri, 10/07/2011 - 3:00pm

Agreed with all of the above 'hell to the nos' Lol.
I understand there are many times that SM might be 10x better than BM, but maybe he should have thought about that when he made his career choice!? or maybe when he had a kid with BM!?

Uh no, short term maybe. Maybe split time between BM and maybe grandparents in there too? But the whole 3 months. AND THEN deal with her when he comes back too. NO WAY!