apparently there's no safe place to vent/or blow steam
i'm not gonna lie, i've made myself out to look like an ass on this site (under a different name, will not disclose) and other sites.
i give the impression that i HATE HATE HATE my life, that dh is a moocher (he got fired shortly after we married 3 yrs ago and has not had steady income since) YEAH it's hard to deal with that, but our vows were for richer or poorer. and he DOES do great as a sahd, and works when it's available.
so, on so many sites i've been to (because i vent about things so i DON'T blow up on the wrong people) i've made myself look like an ass, made people wonder why the hell i'm a smom, and that they dont' blame me for sd15 hating me (she isn't bf's with me, but she doesn't despise me either-that i know of) sd14 loves me and dh and i as a couple are doing pretty good given our financial circumstances.
and i was even wrong for moving sd24 out of my house AFTER taking advantage of her food stamps, and student loan to get us there and back AND letting her use the student loan to pay on my car, but apparently i was scamming the system doing that (she lived under my roof NEVER helped pay a bill, and after sd14 moved in, the food stamps wasn't even enough to feed everyone (7 ppl full time) so how was that taken advantage of the system?? it's not like i flat out LIED to the government, or had her lie either. we told truth.
it just makes no sense to me
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Well, if you used the food
Well, if you used the food stamps, you would need to provide your income as well. Did you? If your income was included as household income and you still qualified, then you didn't cheat the system.
If you didn't, then it was fraud.
A student, when signing for financial aid, must sign and agree that the money is only going to be used for school related expenses. So, yes, if she used that money to make your car payment, it was wrong.
I can understand your position. I really can.
But just because your SD used and abused you doesn't give you the "right" to cheat the system. (If that's what you did.)
as far as the food stamps go,
as far as the food stamps go, no i did not cheat the system, no we didn't use *my* income on the application, but by state law we didn't have to because of her age, and the way i saw that was the food stamps that i received in a round about fashion was her monthly contribution to the additional expenses that existed because of her living here. as far as the student loan, it's meant for living expenses as well (car, utilities, etc-what MOST students use the loans for to get through college full time while working part time) so no that wasn't cheated either, cause her payment using the student loan was her way of contribution for using the vehicle for her personal needs, like getting to dr appts because she was prego
kwim?
I think you need to stop
I think you need to stop beating yourself up, With all the people you were supporting on your income alone you should have been eligible for foodstamps and if your SD would have been paying rent and/or helping with the added expense of her living there the entire time you would have never had to have had her have to make a car payment for you so yeah in a round about way it was money truly owed to you. Cut yourself some slack.
Supplemental school loans can
Supplemental school loans can be used at the discretion of the student. Many students live on supplemental loans while going to college. Grants and stafford loan funds got to the unversity to cover tuition/costs .... supplemental loan funds go to the student.
Not that it is a particularly good idea. My SIL (wife's youngest sib) has supplemented her family income with them for years. She and her DH bought a house that they can only afford if they are maxing her supplemental school loans. She had been in school so long the school finally would not allow her to enroll in any more classes. When all was said and done she has $70K in loans, a house about to go in to foreclosure, several vehicles that have been reposessed and she is stalking shelves at Walmart which is what she was doing when she started at the university.
So, 6yrs, $70K in loans and a degree in Inderdisciplinary Studies that the college won't confer because, supposedly, she owes the school $800 directly. I have my doubts. I think that she does not have the minimum GPA required for a degree. She has apparently taken all of the classes for a BSIS but she has failed so many classes and never retaken her F's that I think the school finally just got sick of having her around.
I agree that you need to stop beating yourself up about this. You have supported your family, kept your home, etc.... Many people have failed at these things in this economy. You managed things well enough to sustain your responsibilities. If SD was living with you then her food stamps and loan income were used for her support. No issue IMHO.
DAMN, i guess if she didn't
DAMN, i guess if she didn't have the GPA required, that makes sense, i'm just under a 4.0, so i dont think i have that issue, though i have been close i haven't failed a class yet (((knock on wood)))
thanks for your words