I started dating my fiance about a year ago, and she is the most awesome woman... smart, sexy, kind, educated, professional, artistic ... she is pretty much the best. I have 3 bio children of my own ages 16, 14, 12. My kids are the best, good happy children with tons of interests and good behavior. I didn't realize how good I had it until I met my soon to be step kids. My beautiful classy lady has two bio children, SD 15 and SS 9. They are messy, often disrespectful, lazy beyond belief, have no interests other than video games (SS) and 'drawing' terrible copies of web comics (SD). I actually watched my 9 year old SS walk through the room one day and shit literally fell out of his shorts on the floor. I often will walk into the room he shares with my own bio son, and it smells like someone crapped on the floor. 

My fiance is so amazing, I've often wondered, and even asked her, how these kids are so different from her and what kind of trauma they had to turn them into demonic selfish beasts. The real answer we both know is the bio dad.

After dating about 6 months, her lease was running out on her rented home, so we excitedly decided she should move into mine. My house is 4000 sq ft, 6 bedroom, plenty of room for everyone. We even talked to both kids to make sure they were cool with it, and they both said yes, definitely. It was exciting and everyone happily moved their stuff in, rearranged the house etc. We also had a long term plan to move to a city about 100 miles away, to be closer to my extended family, my own kids, and better work opportunities for both of us. Again, we talked to the kids about this plan and they were all smiles and liked the idea.

Cue the bio dad flipping out when he finds out we moved in together. He hires a lawyer and sues for a decree modification, then proceeds to poison his kids against our household.  SD begins a downward spiral, fails out of 9th grade, starts cutting herself superficially, blaming her mother, and gets institutionalized for a month, then put in extensive outpatient therapy for another month. And then the icing on the cake, she is now claiming she is a transgendered boy, and they we 'dont accept her'. She tells the court she wants to live with her bio dad, who has close friends that are a lesbian couple, the SD calls them her 'aunts'. We know they have been encouraging her concept of being trans, because she told us that when she tried hitting on her young friend in our home - that they had told her to do it because they thought she was interested in SD. We feel strongly the trans thing is about her insecurity and is attention seeking. She has also threatened suicide to her school and friends which is what landed her in the mental institution. God help me, the other day I had an uncontrollable feeling that I wouldn't even care if she did that!! WTF!

SS basically sits in his room playing Fortnite all day every day he is here. No matter what we suggest they are not interested in anything that involves physical activity. We tried going for walks daily with them when it wasnt so hot, and I tell you I have never experienced two people who whined so much about walking around the block. We did that for about a week before we were like hell no.

I love their mom dearly but honestly I have found lately I cannot even stand the sight of those two little monstrosities. I WANT them to go live with their bio dad, they can all live in a pit of squalor and misery and I would laugh. But, its causing my fiance pain and that upsets me. She is such an amazing person. I'm still mind blowing that these two came out of her DNA.

Lately I find myself hiding out on the porch or in my room when they are around, going to grab a burger myself rather than eating with them, and I know this is also causing my fiance pain. She feels helpless to do much about it when they spend half their time at their narcissistic  dads house. I feel bad for her but I'm finding myself unable to control my negative feelings about them, and lately have been lashing out more, mostly to her, about them. She is not like alot of bio moms on here who take their kids side against the Step dad. She agrees with me and tries everything she can to get them in line,  but she is a gentle person and is fighting against the bio dads constant onslaught of bullshit.

I dont really even have a question I just found this forum and wanted to vent like so many others. I'm glad to see that these things are common from all the other step parents writings.

We are planning the move (we have 10 acres of land and are planning a small farm), and it's a done deal, now we just have to figure out what to do with these children. Like I said, at this point I am almost happier to see them live with their dad and visit us on weekends, but I'm worried about my fiance and how she is handling these unexpected problems with her kids. I want to support her but I'm also struggling with my negative feelings towards them, and expressing those feelings more and more to my helpless fiance who is trying to navigate it all.

I hope she finds peace, the life we've started building is what we both want and we love each other very much. I feel we will progress through this, I just thought getting my feelings out or getting anyone else's opinion might help. There are so many aspects I didn't detail.

By the way, we are historically really happy positive people and still are, and wont let this destroy us, although it has upped the tension between us a bit - mainly my fault as I struggle to manage my feelings and not turn it into arguments with her.