Irritated and hurt

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My first post, so my OH has his 6yo every weekend from Fri - Sun evening, we both work full time, luckily I work EO weekend, so we never get a day alone just the two of us. BM can't wait to get rid of her every weekend so I suspect she doesn't get much attention at home, OH is great from the sense that he actually does stuff with her and spends time with her, however, she literally follows him everywhere and won't go even to the loo without him, from the moment she's awake we don't get even five minutes alone, she's ok at bedtime if she's not overtired but he still has to sit with her for about half an hour, I've really tried to bond with her but she constantly wants him and if we are playing as soon as dad's free she'll just drop me for him, I feel she's doesn't appreciate anything and he's not teaching her, I really feel my purpose is to cook and clean and 8m starting to not want to be there when she is I'm finding it hard to hide these feelings, I have spoken to OH but he just doesn't get it and can't understand how sidelined and taken for granted I feel, I don't really know how to deal with these feelings on my own, oh and I have spoken so many times so that's a no no

Disengage. It is not your job

Disengage. It is not your job to cook and clean for this child. Make your own plans. Go out with girfriends, have a spa day - do something for you and do it out of the house. Men often feel everything is fine if you are in their space. Don't play the third wheel.

Well, you've told him how you

Well, you've told him how you feel, and he chooses not to care how you feel (seriously, he "doesn't get it"? He doesn't want to "get it"), so as someone else said just plan that weekend full of things for yourself and with friends. Don't ignore the little girl, of course, and maybe you do a thing or two with her and OH - be kind to her and friendly and fun - but don't cook or clean for her, or feel obligated to help with making her eat dinner, or putting her to bed or anything else parental.

If you are going to stay with him, plan special time for the two of you when she's not there, and then just accept that weekends are not going to be time you can spend with him - but don't get caught up in feeling like you have to do every last thing they do.

You have to get a free weekend

hire a babysitter. Do you two can go out to dinner, movies, something fun. You need to get a free weekend now and then to go away for weekend. What do you with vacations time ? Do you get the week days free I’d S.D. ?

The every weekend crap is

The every weekend crap is insane. It means the NCP has no life and the CP gets to party every weekend.

Better a EOWE or even an EOW than an every weekend bullshit schedule. Why an NCP would ever accept this is beyond me. Time for SO to just refuse his weekends when you are not working. The one thing that an NCP has as an advantage is that they do not have to take their visitation. When the NCP refuses a visitation the CP is stuck with the kid.

DH needs to play that advantage any time he chooses.

IMHO of course.

Every weekend DOES suck. Rags

Every weekend DOES suck. Rags has the right of it, it really should be EOWE. This is the thing that bugs me most out being involved with a man with kids, never ever having a weekend to ourselves.

Try to get that, even if it means having the kid on a weeknight. But Every weekend won't work forever.

We never lived nearer than

We never lived nearer than about 1200 miles to the SpermClan so my SS had long distance visitation with them. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).

For years my bride would refuse to vacation or do anything noteworthy while the Skid was on visitation because she felt guilty that he would miss it. I finally said enough is enough and told her I was no longer going to forego our life due to the visitation schedule. My compromise proposal was that if we did something that was particularly noteworthy while he was in SpermLand we could do it again when he got home.

Even my guilt ridden former single teen mom bride learned to enjoy our kid free time. I firmly believe that the visitation schedule allowed us to bond more closely and helped prepare us for the empty nester adventure that we are enjoying so much.

I've never understood the

I've never understood the notion that just because the parents are split, parents think they need to spend every second of their court assigned time with their kids. Biological parents don't even do that. How often was I shipped off to Grandma's before my parents split so they can go do things? All the time, it was actually fun for me. But this guilt associated with split families creates a sense of obligation to give up any form of life when you have parenting time.

Maybe there's a family member you can ask to watch the kids? Cousins or something that will be fun for the kids and allow you to have alone time. Any relationship needs to allow room for fun and growth. You can't do that if you're battling work schedules and custody schedules for kids that aren't even yours.

Tried all that

I've suggested, in fact his sister offered a sleepover, but he feels that he should be spending all his time with her as "we have all week together" the mum is not very reasonable, she has an 11 month old who she palms off to the grandparents at weekends too, she's unreasonable so trying to get even one weekend a month isn't gonna happen, think he's scared of her, I do usually do my own thing when she's there but it would be nice if I didn't feel like I had to, I've been with her dad over 4 years and I met her within a few months, we've had periods where we've been tight and I felt we were bonding but I think at the moment she's havibg a hard time, she wants to be at mums more with her brother, she's just started yr 1 at school so I think she's clinging to her dad more cos she's feeling insecure, isn't really an excuse for some of the lack of manners and curtiousy though, it's just that harsh reminder that no matter how much you do you'll never be anywhere near as special as mum or dad

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