New Here and Moving Out !

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I will try to keep this as brief as possible but I need to vent. I have been living with with my SO for 8 years. I have no children of.my own. His daughter currently 32yrs old got married 3 years ago and started planning their own family. Good for them I thought. I wish them the best EXCEPT....once she became.pregnant SHE decides her and hubby who is(40yrs!!) are going to move in with us for FREE to save money for a house and pay off.the 75K debt of credit cards and student loans they have ! No asking, just telling and SO is completely fine with it because you do anything for family he says. And if I disagree.I am.not a family person! Fast forward 10 months and they are still here with baby now born and NO END IN SIGHT. They dont even look for a house anymore. They work and make a descent living and can certainly afford something buy why when you can live for ZERO. SO allows it, enables them and loves having his daughter and grandson here. Daughter also loves living with Daddy. The whole thing makes me sick & angry with resentment that I completely withdraw to the bedroom when they are home. I am SO uncomfortable with the situation. They have taken over the entire house with baby paraphernalia, they are.slobs.and make.no contribution to any expenses. My SO doesnt need the money but that is not the point. They need to learn responsibility and figure it out for themselves. Anyway Thank God I declined marrying this man because I know the situation would be no different. I have no say and he does not care.enough about my feelings which I have made crystal clear on numerous occasions. My mom raised.me.to be a strong independant woman and I am.leaving. I just bought a place.and waiting to close.on it. Enough is enough! I thought I was in the clear when I met him because she was already out of the house. Joke is on me! Thanks.for letting me.vent

Good for you for having the

Good for you for having the gumption and the independence to get out of a situation that's making you miserable and where you aren't a priority. I couldn't live in that situation either. Best of luck. Does your SO know that you bought a new place?

In another year you will be thanking your lucky stars!

8 years SEEMS like a long time until you look at the situation and imagine what this would have been like if you had stayed longer. SO likes how he is living and I doubt you would have convinced him otherwise. And it is not going to get any better as SD sprouts new kids. I'm sure he will take care of all of them until he goes broke or dies. Good for you for getting a place of your own and getting out. Please keep us updated.

He will probably follow OP.

Didn't think of that

God forbid if you are right. It IS a possibility. Let's hope the OP keeps up her momentum.

No kidding OP, there have been cases on this site when the OP allows the DH to reel her back in - don't do it. If your DH thinks so little of you that he arbitrarily brings people in to live in the same house with you without asking for your input, he probably won't ask you the next time.

Good for you. If you live

Good for you. If you live together, it should have been a mutual decision if they move in and how long they stay. Glad you could see that this is not just about his precious daughter and grandkid, it's about how much he respects and values you and what kind of partner he is and will be.

Too many women on here stay and complain endlessly about the situation while saying they loooooove him too much to leave. "My kid is living here as long as she wants, and if you don't like, too bad!" would be a deal breaker for me too.

Be proud of yourself!

Being able to leave a bad situation and find your own happiness is something to be very thankful for! I am in a similar situation in that I don't have kids either. I also did not marry my SO and never will because I fear of being in a situation just like you found yourself in.

There is absolutely no guarantee that skids won't wind up back home at some point. I know for a fact that my SO would never turn away his daughter (and her offspring once she has them) no matter how old she is. I cannot gamble my future on just the kind of scenario you have unfortunately been thrust into.

Because I am aware of this possibility, I don't feel my SO could honestly take wedding vows since I know he would never "forsake all others" as that would include his daughter. Plus, I want to keep my finances and my own home completely separate.

It gives me great comfort to know that I still have a place of my own to go to and money that isn't tied to him, should I ever need to bail. I am certain you are thankful of that, too.

Again, be proud of yourself that you can pull up your own bootstraps and get the hell out. Within a short period of time, you will have no regrets for leaving such an unhealthy and untenable situation. Please keep us posted as to how/when you tell your SO that you now have your own place and are moving out!

IMO, your story has the happy ending that most SMs in bad situations can only dream about - getting out!