godmother issues
Question regarding my SD's godmother.. I of course can't make this call because I'm not her bio parent, but it's something DH and I have been discussing so I just wanted to get some input.
SD's BM is an addict. Her godmother is BM's sister and she is also an addict. Apparently drugs were not an issue when they asked her to be her godmother but things have changed over the years. IF anything were to happen to SD, her godmother is in no shape to really care for her. She doesn't have her own housing, transportation, vehicle, and really can't even take care of herself and the kids she already has. She loves SD, but the stability just isn't there.
DH has been considering what he should do. Does he go back and name a new godmother/guardian for SD, if BM would even go along with it? To be clear, he does not think this person is fit to be godmother/guardian but I guess he feels bad about the whole situation.
It seems it varies within
It seems it varies within cultures.
My understanding of a "godmother" or "godfather" is someone who you ask to be present at baptism and is the person who will help raise your child in the Christian faith.
It is more of a religious honour to me, than a legal responsibility.
It has nothing to do with being a legal guardian of any sort.
"Godparents" have no legal standing here in the UK outside of anything to do with the church.
If you are worried about someone who needs to take of the child should something happen to BM or DH, then appoint a legal guardian.
Of course the person will need to consent to that as it comes with responsibilities for everyday care and upbringing.
It is the same here - the
It is the same here - the aunt is SD's godmother and also her legal guardian - sorry, should have clarified that!
Can you explain to me why she
Can you explain to me why she even has a "legal guardian" when she has a parent who is involved? What rights does that give her, legally?
The guardian doesn’t have any
The guardian doesn’t have any rights while the parents are living. It’s part of the parents will that states who they choose to have raise the child if they both pass away. Obviously if only one dies, the child stays with the living bio parent. I think this is more geared for parents who are together who may die at the same time in an accident or something like that.
A godmother is a religious
A godmother is a religious title, it does not mean automatically that they take the kid, unless a will says so. Many people do use the same person. Do nothing as far as telling her or changing her god mother title, which is not anything legally binding anyway. Have a will written thay designates someone else.
Unfortunately, she is also
Unfortunately, she is also the guardian - sorry, I should have specified that in my post. She is the godmother and guardian. DH is considering appointing a different guardian but I'm sure BM will put up a fight about it since it is her sister.
If something happens to BM,
If something happens to BM, SD is going to go to her Dad, not her Godmother. Even if her Godmother is designated as her guardian, SD is going to go to her Dad before her Godmother. So, DH can appoint whoever he wants as a guardian in case of his passing.
Even though someone is appointed as a guardian, it still has to be approved by a judge. So a judge might not approve BM's sister anyway.
This. The designation of the sister
as a guardian is meaningless. Right now, both parents come first, and there is no other guardian. If BOTH parents die, the courts will consider the wishes of a parent, but not dispositive. Dad can name one too, but might want to write a letter to his choice, indicating the sister is an addict. Of course, if sister cleans herself up in the meantime, court may consider that too.
BM dies, SD goes to DH. If DH
BM dies, SD goes to DH. If DH also dies, then SD is going to be in the middle of a legal battle between DH's family and BM's family no matter who he puts in his will. Sames goes for BM.
However, when CPS or whoever tries to place SD with family, they will likely make sure that family member is fit to care for SD, especially if there is any infighting over who should raise SD. They won't just automatically give her to XSIL unless no other family steps forward. Even then, if XSIL isn't capable, SD remains in foster care.
My advice is for DH to appoint another person in his own will and stipulate in said will that SD has access to her maternal family in the event of both his and BM's demise. He doesn't need to consult BM about changing his own will.
Thanks for all your responses
Thanks for all your responses. I may have worded this wrong. The guardian does not have any custody right now. I’m referring to what BM and DH have written in their wills regarding who they want to raise SD if they die. If one dies before the other, yes SD will stay with the living parent. DH can change his own will without any input from BM. I think his concern is if he dies before BM, and BMs will lists the aunt as guardian, then her will is the one that would be used from what I understand. Huge mess lol. I’m the one who got him started on this because I was talking about having a guardian for our bio kids written into our will and he got started on SDs guardian. I’m kicking myself now.