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Christmas Vacation Drama

rachaelnoel92's picture

SO's parents decided to buy SO and HIS daughters tickets for a Christmas cruise. They never asked me if I wanted to go or had the consideration to ask if I minded being alone with my toddler son for a whole week. I am hurt, disappointed, and furious for the following reasons: 

1: They think i'm dumb enough to believe that they didn't think this trip through. Step daughters talk crap about me all the time to grandparents, i'm convinced they planned this to exclude me so that SO and his daughters can have christmas alone. I include daughters in all of the trips that we plan. 

2; Winter is my busy season at work and i am being left at home to fend for myself with my toddler son. 0 consideration. 

3: SO expects me to host holiday dinners and cater to their schedules. Sorry not playing happy family and catering to them when they are willing to leave "Family" behind. Trust is gone. Family bond is gone.  

4: I do EVERYTHING for SO and his daughters despite the fact that I work full-time and they do not pitch in around the house. Why can't they acknowledge that I pick up the family's slack? 

5: SO is totally cool with leaving me and son at home while they vacation together. He doesn't care about my feelings I suppose. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life getting involved with this man. I wish I could start over. 

susanm's picture

What his parents do is beyond his control.  What he does is another story entirely.  He is fully capable of purchasing another ticket to include you and your son together so that you can come or arranging to change the tickets in some way for another cruise if you can't get away because of work.  Or simply refuse the gift altogether because it is simply not going to work and his parents can give it to someone else.  He is an adult and does not have to do what mommy and daddy tell him to do.  Cheerfully leaving you and your young child together alone over Christmas is in no way OK.

hereiam's picture

I wish I could start over. 

Do it. I know it's not exactly what you mean since you now share a kid with him, but you can start over. You don't have to stay with someone who allows, and participates in, this kind of disrespect and exclusion.

ndc's picture

Well, at least you know where you stand in this "family."  Sounds like it's you and your son on the one hand, and the "first family" on the other.  If this was just the grandparents arranging a trip and your SO wasn't going along with it without regards for your feelings, I might feel differently, but I really do think he just told you by his actions where you rate on his list of priorities.  

Knowing this, you have some decisions to make.  Please don't think that you can't start over - you can.  If you're willing to be the family outcast and be treated with disrespect, knowing that you're not your SO's priority, I guess that the status quo is one of your options.  I personally would take this as a sign to start getting my ducks in a row and preparing to leave.  Your mutual son means you'll always have a tie to your SO and makes things stickier, but you are not stuck by any means.  In the meantime, stop doing for them.  If they want "family" things, let your SO and his daughters do their own planning.  Don't include the skids in your planning. Remember, you're only a member of the family when it's convenient for them, so there's no need for you to put in the effort.  Stop cleaning up after them.  Let them fend for themselves. 

In any event, I'd talk to a lawyer to get the lay of the land and see what your options look like if you decide to leave your pathetic excuse for a partner.

Lollybobs's picture

Wow...just wow. That is unbelievably horrible. So what did your OH say about you not being included?

notarelative's picture

You have a SO problem. If SO is willing to go on a family vacation and leave you and his son at home, your relationship is over. If he's willing to miss a toddler Christmas (the best ones in my book), he's not much of a dad to his son. 

Holiday dinners . SO's parents have shown they don't consider you or your child family. They wouldn't be eating at my table. They can go have dinner with whoever they consider family. 

Adding. Coming back to add after I thought about this.

If this happens this year, you may be looking at future years too. My DH's ex took the kids to visit her parents one year. He stayed home as he had used his vacation time for a family vacation in the summer. That one year turned into multiple. (It might be their last Christmas. He shouldn't deprive the kids of spending time with them. It was warm where parents lived and cold here.) DH spent his Christmas alone for years. (Ex and kids did call to wish him a Merry Christmas). 

If the grandparents and the kids enjoy the cruise, and the grandparent money is there, expect a repeat. Maybe not at Christmas, if BM is not invited and objects to the time, but a repeat where you are not invited.

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, I'm stunned.

I can't believe your husband didn't tell his parents that "thanks.. but no thanks".. that time of year doesn't work for me and my wife."

no words really.. this would not be acceptable to me.

SteppedOut's picture

I'm going to add... you know how you are feeling right now? While your son may not understand now, he eventually will be old enough to. He will be made to feel like you are right now. Get away from this poor excuse of a partner while your son doesn't understand.

I went through the same crap with my formerSO, with the added bonus of his kid tried physically hurting our baby multiple times, so I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm sorry.

Husband's wife's picture

I would be happy with such situation, because I would have a lot of facts and arguments to tell DH that I am not preparing any family dinners anymore, I am not including his kids in our trips and so on. It is an opportunity that you are offered here, enjoy ! 

Rags's picture

Oh hell no. If your SO goes along with the shit his idiot parents are serving up when he gets back from this shallow and polluted gene pool cruise he should be met with his key not working and divorce papers.

smh