Dumped after 4 year relationship. I am heartbroken.
I was recently dumped after a 4 year relationship. I was a stepmom and I got to know my exes two children very well over the years even though we had our ups and downs and drama with them I was attached to his kids. I do not have a close relationship with my family and they would call me mom2. I would do many things with them and got to know them well. We spent a lot of time together. Our relationship had been off and on for the past couple of years mainly because of drama that was not necessary involving his kids behaviors. Whenever his kids would be disprespectful and rude to me I would have no choice but to ignore it because if I brought it up he would get angry with me and defend his kids. This led to him yelling at me at times and then me leaving and not speaking to him for days because I was very hurt by this. Then he would blame me for leaving. His daughter's behavior was getting worse as she got older and she was turning into a little bit of a mean kid in general. There were times when she was very disrespectful and it was never addressed. His son and daughter also became more and more entitled and unappreciative which led to many fights and disagreements because I felt they never appreciated anything. The end came when I had spent nearly 80 dollars on his kids during taking them out to eat, a movie then trampolining. Nothing was ever good enough for his kids and they complained a lot. His daughter began acting up saying she did not feel well and I called my ex to ask what to do. He was angry he had to leave work to get her (I did not ask him to do this) and when he showed up he asked me "wth my problem was" angrily. This was a week after we came back from a nightmare vacation in which my ex would barely speak to me because I voiced my not only my concerns about his kids' behaviors but also expressed some things I wanted to do on the trip myself. I felt like a third wheel and he always seemed angry with me because I also would not pay for his kids meals and activities as well. After one of his anger outbursts over me attempting to address his daughter's poor behavior he blew up at me and told me to leave so I did just that. I also caught him talking about me on the phone to his mother. Two months later and we had not spoken other than a brief text syaing he missed me. Suddenly he is seeing a woman who lives over 800 miles away. He seems to have moved on quickly. This really hurt me because I am not ready to date yet and am still healing and cannot get over how someone who claimed he loved me, had been with me for so long, talked about marrying me and let me get to know his children so well could just move on so fast. Also I always felt I never did enough for his kids according to him so now I am wondering
1. How can someone who lives 800 miles away be a better parent for your kids and do more for you and your kids than someone who lives 15 minutes away? and....
2. Since he never had much money when we were together, at least not enough to pay for his kids things(his utilities were also switched off a few times because he didn't pay the bill), how can he suddenly afford to date someone long distance now?and
3. How can he move on so quickly?
4.How did he meet this woman as I do not see his profile on any online dating sites? And if he's already off of those sites because they are serious how can you be so serious with someone who lives 800 miles away that you've known for two months?
5. And how can you suddenly cut me out of your kids' lives as if I never existed? I loved his kids but in a way he choose his kids poor behaviors and trouble making over me. How can someone do this to someone they claimed to love?
I am so confused and hurt and do not know what I did to deserve this. He was also so cold about everything.
I am sorry you are going
I am sorry you are going through this. The reason he is choosing to have a long distance relationship is because he cannot deal with reality. Sure this woman is great when she's not there with his bratty kids, his terrible financial situation and his anger rage issues 24/7 . She is not being hit up for money for his kids things yet either. Eventually reality will hit and if he continues to choose his children's poor behavior over his girlfriend and continues to be abusive and angry it will not work either. Either that or she will stay and be a miserable person with a miserable life. Be glad you got out when you did. I highly recommend you start dating even if you are not ready. Getting out and meeting other men will do you some good even if nothing comes of it other than friendship. YOu need to get him out of your head.. Also the reason why he moved on so fast is because either he likely already had your replacement ready when he was still with you and he never truly loved you and is just using her as supply. He was likely just using you (for sex, attention, to pay for things,watch his kids etc..) I am sorry. You did not deserve this and please know he will likely be the same way with everyone including his latest long distance "love affair." that is based on non reality. Be glad he is your ex. Very glad. And be glad those brats are no longer your problem to deal with.
Anyone else having a
Anyone else having a groundhog moment...?
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If Steptalk needs a content provider, can we at least hire a freaking professional?
I have been writing web content for almost 10 years and I have a degree in creative writing. Just offering....
Allow me to assist:
Allow me to assist:
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OMG!
I think the usres name is Pete.
And he has a twin.
The easy answer is that you
The easy answer is that you were more committed to this relationship than he was. I think we've all told you that many times over the past several months.
Time together in a relationship and feeling love for that person should not be used as a gauge for how healthy or good a relationship is. This was a bad relationship. Don't keep dumping time and energy into it.
I am sorry you are hurting.
I am sorry you are hurting. It sounds like you poured a lot of yourself into this relationship and into his kids.. and unfortunately, it sounds like this guy had a lot of issues.. behaviors that didn't make him a great partner for you.
I know it sucks feeling like you are rejected.. but if you really go back and read your post.. and if your girlfriend had told you those things.. what would you have told HER? You likely would have said.. you are too good for him.. dump him girl.
You are worth having someone who will cherish you.. not react in anger.. not one who will run to mommy when he can't deal with his own adult conflicts.. one that will appreciate what you do.. not nitpick.
Your ex is a crap father and
Your ex is a crap father and a jerk. Be thankful you are no longer with this POS. Short and to the point...
1. He's a crap parent and he doesn't care about anyone but himself.
2. He may have the money, but have poor spending habits and let you foot the bills. She may be giving him money.
3. He needs another sugar momma and was never serious about you.
4. There are THOUSANDS of dating/hookup/sex encounter web sites. He probably has another email address for these.
5. He loved your money and your skid-sitting.
1. He's a crap parent who
1. He's a crap parent who lives in a fantasy world and likely has no problem abandoning his kids for the weekend or having a stranger stay over that he barely knows while his kids are there.
2. He's likely either running up even more credit card debt or she is paying.
3. He never loved you and was using you just like he is using this woman.
4. He likely met her on oner of the hundreds of dating sites he is lurking on and likely met her while you two were still together.
5. He is a cold narcissistic abusive person and a crap parent who cares only about himself, not his kids nor you.
This guy is a real POS and you deserve so much better. I am very sorry he did this to you.
Please seek real life therapy
Please get some real life therapy. You have posted about this several times and it is clear that you are not processing your break up. This man did not treat you right when you were together, why would he treat your breakup in a good way? You are better off without him. You will probably never get answers to your questions. It is time to move on.
With a sociopath it is always
With a sociopath it is always the same abuse and drama. They will anger and rage at you over any slight disagreement only for it to be followed by the silent treatment and isolating you. This is abuse. They will talk badly about you behind your back to others including to their own family and kids. They will smear your name and reputation for not complying and allowing their abuse. (I found out my ex told people I was an alcoholic. I drank an average of two drinks a month. I am not kidding! lol I guess that made him feel better about his own behavior to make that up!) He was quick to dump me over any little thing. They will expect you and allow you to pay for things that are not your responsibility and will rarely return ever the favor. They will discard you and replace you quickly but don't worry give it some time and their next victim will experience the same abuse just like you did. Be glad he is no longer part of your life. Please seek help so you never allow yourself to be with someone like this ever again.
1. & Only 1. I had a date
1. & Only 1. I had a date the evening of the day my XW moved out. When my XW informed me that she wanted a divorce it was not a huge deal because I had worked through the demise of the marriage before she informed me (again) that she wanted a divorce. The first time when I asked her if she wanted a divorce she said "I don't know". I got us a marriage counselor and we did counseling for 5+ months. I knew it was over when she walked out of therapy two months before she moved out. I was over it.
He knows this is over so he is not dwelling on it. He has moved on while texting you to to hedge his bets on the next victim. Quit being his victim. Quit giving a shit about how he can afford to date, quit giving a shit about if his long distance GF can be a better parent for his kids than you were, quit giving him space in your head and quit stalking him on dating sites, the fact is... he has moved on because he never actually engaged in the relationship, his kids are not your kids and never have been. So... extricate your head from the sand and commit to yourself. No one will commit to you until you commit to you. And if you don't, anyone who does present themselves as committed to you should be viewed with strong suspicion.
Take care of you. Enjoy your new life adventure and be the best you. When you least expect it, the right one will be there.