Update - Counseling
So I went to my first solo session with the counselor today, Honestly it went well.
I know you probably all believe that I'm wasting my time still doing counseling at this point, that he's had enough time. But here we are. We're both aware it's more of a last ditch effort than anything else.
He did a solo session last week, and I went today, Wednesday we have our next together one, though it's honestly a toss up on if he goes or not. Which is fine, I could use the counseling, and it will show me if he actually still wants this, or is just blowing steam.
She made some excellent points today. She pointed out, that while his poor behavior is not my fault, I am enabling a lot of it with how I respond. When he says he's going to end us, I typically respond with "no, here's why." She said instead I should respond with. "So you want to end us? I don't agree, but is that what you want?" Or with similar repeating fashions that takes out an overly emotional response that gives him control over the situation. Which has not been healthy, for either party.
She also sees him kind of as a "boy who cries wolf." Barks the bark but no bite. So I should mainly ignore and use the technique mentioned above.
We talked about several other things as well. About my fears, how while a lot of them are overemphasized in my brain, a lot of them are rational and backed up, so it's okay to have fear and expect certain things.
She also told me not to give up anything I don't want to from now on, it's teaching him very poor behaviors. If he's a jerk when I want something and I give in, it gives him power. It's not helping me, or him that way. I need to decide what things I want to accomplish, and go for them, inform him that's what I want, and ignore the guilting.
So basically my therapist is amazing, I'm feeling level-headed right now and that's a blessing. Still looking like we're going to tank. BUT, I plan to keep on with the personal sessions regardless.
And if we tank in the next week, I'm going to see about making a trip back to Utah for the holidays 
See my family, spend some time in snow, etc. I might even drive it so the furbabies can come with me!
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I think you are doing great.
I think you are doing great. I also don't think you are truly "done" with your DH yet, because once you reach that point you won't care what he says or does anymore. Walking away will be easy.
Yes, this - and with enough
Yes, this - and with enough work on yourself, you will get there. The path will be clear.
Thank you both!
Thank you both!
Continue the individual
Continue the individual counseling for sure and regardless if you and H "tank", you should reconsider still traveling to Utah to be with your family and around people who love & support you. That is always needed during this difficult time and I'm sure the distance can help give you better clarity on both yourself & your marriage.
Distance could help Also i
Distance could help
Also i haven't been there in over a year.
I honestly want you to just
I honestly want you to just be happy. So what ever you need to do just do it. Life is short and we all get mixed up in BS.It really is how life is. Ups and downs. I hope your counselor helps you find your way to a life that is what YOU want. Good luck!
Thanks queensway. The
Thanks queensway. The therapist has been helpful.
Go to Utah. You want to, so
Go to Utah. You want to, so do it. You're not living with DbagH, and your counselor has given you homework to do what YOU want no matter how he reacts.
So go spend time with your family. You have missed out on them for years, and the furbabies will love the road trip. So just go. DbagH has his own family locally, so he won't be alone. And it's not weird for couples in good relationships to spend holidays apart.
So go do the thing you want to do because YOU WANT TO DO IT. Any reasoning he has for you not going is self-serving; it's not because he has your best interests at heart.
I man honestly you're right
I man honestly you're right
My mom said she hasn't bought anything for me yet, maybe I can see if she'll go ahead and donate a bit to my trip (I mean even $20 is almost a tank of gas. lol) Everyone else will be home for Christmas 
Take the furbabies and go.
Take the furbabies and go. Check with La Quinta or Red Roof Inn-both tend to be dog friendly, but every location is a tad different in their policies, so check ahead. Imagine how much fun just to plan your trip out there! It will do you good.
That's nice to know! :) I
That's nice to know! :) I was wondering where I might be able to spend a night with them on the way there and on the way back!
Sweetie, you will do things
Sweetie, you will do things in your own time. Whether we like it or not! LOL
My two cents... GO SEE YOUR FAMILY.
With everything that's going on, I don't think you should be spending Christmas with your estranged/stbx H. I also think he will try to guilt you into spending Christmas with him (and the girls). IMO, it will be a ploy - to make you "see what you're missing" and a YUGE attempt to suck you back in. There is NO point in playing Happy Family when you are anything but. Do not give those girls false hope.
The Choice Hotels brand is pet-friendly: Econo Lodge, Quality Inn, Comfort Inn/Suites, Sleep Inn, Rodeway Inn... I believe the Motel 6 chain is pet-friendly. You can google pet-friendly hotels or check the motel/hotel website before making your reservations. GO!!!