A stand out year for me in awfulness with the SDs was Xmas/New Year of 2009/10.  My mother was dying - in the end she died in mid January, we had very heavy snow and lived about 1.5 hr drive from her care home, so that I only managed to get to see her once over that Xmas period.  While this was going on, SD23, who was 13 at the time, had a friend to stay over.  Unbeknown to us they had managed to acquire some alcohol - they were sleeping in our living room and SD threw up on my best rug.  She kicked off majorly the next day because DH wouldn't let the friend stay over a second night.  I took DH aside and told him I couldn't take any more of her behaviour and her attitude, not with my Mum on the way out.  After that, she and the friend left and went to stay at NPD BM's, thank goddess. 

I think our worst Christmas was the first when BM attempted suicide a few days before Christmas.  Coincidentally, it was on my birthday.  That was also the year that DH left on Christmas morning to go to BM's house to watch his kids open their gifts.  He never understood why it bothered me for him to leave me alone on Christmas morning.

There were several rough years later before I cut back on the Christmas tasks.  I was working full-time, attending night school 3 nights a week, had a hyper DH and the 5 kids at home.  I was buying and wrapping many gifts, decorating, putting up a tree, baking, making crafts, sending cards, cooking, entertaining, and putting up with step drama.  I would get so depressed each December thst I was close to tears every day.  The more I started to cut back each year, the better I felt.  Now I ask myself, why did I do It?  I don't even like to do crafts, why do it at all at the busiest time?  Nobody cared about any treasured recipes, why heat up the kitchen and go to all the work when I could order it?  I guess I bought into the "Perfect Christmas" fantasy.  Whatever.  Im happier nowadays altho I am vigilant each December for signs of depression.

Girhippo told skids in advance that they were getting an ATV.  They came blasting in the house shrieking "WHERE IS IT!!!????"  Then proceeded to storm the house, trampling everything in sight like a 3-pack of rogue elephants.  This was because Chef had, against my advice,  told the Girhippo about the ATV in advance,  which prompted her to launch a series of inquisition type questions about the safety helmets.  Of course a FATHER cannot possibly be trusted to parent his own children (TM) especially not that he has moved on with an EXPERIENCED parent   But I digress 

Oh and my very first Christmas with them. How could I forget?  I ended up tagging  behind Chef and his three ferals, holding their coats and their shopping bags like sone servant while they got photos with Santa.  

The photo told all.  These were NOT children suffering from the throes of divorce.   They were ill behaved brats making silly faces for the camera and joyous over the prospect of  TWO Christmases, Birthdays, Easters, etc.

Chef, on the other hand, looked as though someone had shot his most treasured pet   Which is unusual because Chef has naturally beautiful teeth and loves to smile for the camera.   To add insult to injury,  Chef felt a huge loyalty to Battleaxe Galactica (Gir's BM), of all people.  The original PASing oversized freak   He got angry with me when I questioned why it was necessary to buy his ex-MIL an ornate photo frame for Christmas?  Of course all of this was coming out of my salary as he had about $100 a week, if he was lucky,  coming in after taxes and VOLUNTARILY overpaying CS.

Final X-mas was the year the Gir conspired with the skids to launch phoney CPS allegations against us.  OSS was the only one to admit to lying so that "we could make mommy happy."

SD in particular was very angry that there were consequences to their actions and that the ATV would be going bye bye. 

Even still, Chef INSISTED on getting them fancy presents that year...CPS still had ceased all visitation (much to my delight) while it was being disputed (by me).  I was there when the "incident" happened   How DARE a FATHER put his child in time out for misbehaving, which started the whole fake CPS thing.

Back to the Xmas prezzies...Chef dropped them off in their driveway and immediate his phone rang.  No, it wasn't the skids thanking us for the gifts.  They were actually crying,  whinging and chastising Chef for the gifts as they "hated their presents!"   These were on the top five toy list of the year, mind you! They were on speaker phone so you could hear the Gir chuckling over the rejection in the background. 

Chef immediately began APOLOGIZING to the brats which was especially insulting since I never had Christnas as a child and would have LOVED to have just one tiny gift!

This was the last Christmas before they PASed out for good. 

Thank heaven we never had them for Thanksgiving as that is considered the ultimate family holiday and as we all know,  skids only have ONE family, the BM's side!

Ouch, so many holiday drama stories.  That is probably par for the course for the holidays in many blended families.

Fortunately we never had any of that kind of thing.  My DW was always the CP with full physical and legal custody so SS-28 was always with us for the holidays from 1.5yo - 18yo.  He tries to make every Christmas even now, though his duty often prevents that. 

SpermGrandHag was our particular burden, holidays or not.   The fringe Christian cult the SpermClan belongs to does not celebrate Christmas so our CO awarded every Christmas to my DW.  The Skid's SpermLand winter visitation alternated on even and odd years. Even years he left for SpermLand the day after school was out and returned on Dec 24.  Odd years he left for SpermLand on Dec-26 and returned the day before school started.  The only part of the Holiday season that my DW did not always have was New Years which would alternate.... if they actually took their winter visitation.  It was not always a sure thing that they would.

After a decade of more.... SpermGrandHag suddenly decided she wanted Christmas day with the SKid.  Apparently as her idiot son, the Spermidiot, kept breeding out of wedlock spawn with yet more baby mamas SGH decided Christmas was important, though her fringe Christian cult sure had a field day with her when they "found out" that she was celebrating the holiday.  Nope, that was my DW's day and she/we never gave up a single Christmas with our kid.  That started the annual vitriolic banshee shrieking tirades from SpermGrandHag regarding Christmas day.  

About the only thing that the Skid did during the holidays that made me go huh? was  his last Christmas with us before he launched.  He had enlisted in the USAF on the delayed entry program a few weeks before Christmas with a MEPS reporting date in mid April.  That year he had successfully completed HS on time (which was a closely run thing), turned 18, and was cutting his mom and I a break on paying for college, which we would have gladly provided the mom and dad full meal deal scholarship for him to attend college/university anywhere in the world he wanted to go, and it was Christmas. So... we bought him a brand new car.  That was what we thought would be the last big and best thing we could do for him as he launched. Reliable transportation.  He opened the small box that had been in his stocking.  It had a car key in it.  No comment.  Kind of a slack jawed uninterested look on his face.  So I asked him what it was. He held it up and said "a car key".  So I said, go look in the driveway.  He did.  Almost no reaction at all.  If it had been me I would have been freaking out with excitement. I would have spent all day in that car and slept in it that night.  His reaction was extremely confusing and disappointing.  His mom and I were all excited, we were proud that we could do that for him, his GPs were all excited along with us ... and .... nothing.  The 4 of us stood around looking at him and each other all confused.  Not a tragedy, no drama, just significant disappointment.  He was for the most part a really great kid, though we did have some drama during his last year of HS.

It took a few years before he gave me clarity.  A number of years later, during another Christmas, I asked him about his reaction, or more accurately his lack of a reaction, to getting a new car...... For several years the holidays would resurrect my memory of the new car let down.

"Dad, I was scared to death.  I had just enlisted, I knew I would be leaving for BMT in a few months, I did not have a driver's license, didn't know how to drive, and I was afraid to learn. Of course it was cool to get a brand new car.  I was just numb and terrified about everything during that whole period of time."

I felt so bad that I had misinterpreted what I perceived as lethargy and a lack of appreciation.

But I got him with the gift for that year.  I gave him my first high end watch (one with a crown on the stem) that my parents had given me as a JHS graduation gift 37/38ish years before.  I had been planning on giving it to him for a couple of years and had sent it to the factory for service and refurbishment that summer with the intention of giving it to him for Christmas.  He opened the gift, stared at it for a few seconds, tears streamed down his face, he got up, gave me a huge hug and just sobbed on my shoulder.  "Dad, really?  Are you sure you want to give me this?  Deema and Deepa gave it to you a long time ago."  I cleared the frog in my throat, of course there is no crying for me, (ha-hahm), and told him that I wanted him to have it. 

Watches are a big deal in the Rags clan.  My granddad was a watch freak, my dad is a watch freak, and I am a watch freak, the Skid comes by it naturally, or at least adoptively, since he was raised in a family of watch freaks.  I gave my SS his first nice watch, nothing with a crown on the stem or anything, but a very nice watch when he was about 14/15.   I gave him my watch when he was 25.  I do love and am extremely proud of that kid.

Passing heirloom watches to the next wave of Rags's is a tradition for our clan.  My mom gave my DW her first heirloom watch that my dad had given her for their 10th anniversary, my brother gave my eldest nephew his JHS graduation watch when my nephew graduated from HS.  My SIL gave my niece her heirloom watch, that my brother had given her when my niece was a toddler, as the niece's HS graduation gift.  My brother gave my granddad's watch to my youngest nephew for his HS graduation this year. I still wear that watches' twin every day.  My granddad bought two identical watches, one for him and one for my dad, in the mid 50s.  Dad gave me his for my HS graduation.  My brother got our granddad's when he passed away 25 years ago.

Depending on order of departure, my son will get my other 4 heirloom watches eventually.  Three of those I inherited from my grandad, the 4th is a gift from my wife.  The only caveat is if I significantly pre-decease my younger brother. If I go first, my brother will get the watch that was given to our granddad by the founding king of Saudi Arabia.  Dad gave me that watch for Christmas a number of years ago.  Like my son did when I gave him my watch, I sobbed like a baby.

SS is my kid.  I was happy and proud to give him my first heirloom quality watch.

I have never purchased myself an heirloom quality time piece. The only ones I have purchased have been for my wife.  My guess is that hers will go to my/our niece eventually.  None of our nieces on my IL's side would have a clue what they are and even if they did, they would likely pawn them for a pittance.

I know, nothing too dramatic.  But, those are two Skid related holiday stories that stand out for me.

North Korea never gave them to DD6's dad.  There was one xmas we had them for an hour or so.  We had to drive all the way to the vacant marital home.  We sat in the living room with no furniture in it on the floor and there was lights on the curtains that I had hung up.  They opened all the presents that I had bought and took them to BM's house of course.  The youngest SD was suffering from undiagnosed type 1 diabetes back then.  She got into the chocolate truffles at like 7 am and DD6's dad had to carry up to BM's stairs like a baby in his arms when she was like 11 years old because she couldn't walk on her own and was sick from having that sugar.  And I just kept thinking how f'd up that was that BM and her dad thought that was normal because it wasn't.  It wasn't until February that she finally ended up in the hospital and diagnosed.  But all of the Thanksgivings, he would sit on the back step at North Koreas and his Ex best friend's house while they had their party eating some ham they might give him and trying to spend a few minutes here and there with the steps.  Christmas was usually him meeting them in the mall parking lot and giving them their $300 xmas cash sometime in the month of December.  

Oh god...my worst story is...DH and I got married in mid December....drama from his ex at an all time high....

It was Christmas Eve day and BM texted that morning that she and skids had plans for the evening....DH was annoyed as skids we're supposed to be here but whatever....so BM picks up skids....we find out the next day that the plans were going to DHs dads house and spending Chrimstas with DHs dad, step mom and step siblings..... and to round it out....Christmas Day morning Dhs mom went and spent the morning at BMs house which DH didn't know until weeks later....this was a high conflict divorce where BM was horrible to DH and his parents and the skids......so it wasn't some poor kind BM situation....so weird.

The following Christmas was the first that skids were to sleep here and be here Christmas morning...BM had to come get younger SD on Christmas Eve for an hour for some lame reason...SD left the house cherry and happy and excited for Christmas here...she came back crying and immediately asked to go back to BMs....not only did she not spend Christmas but she went on to not sleep here again for 3 years....up until that Christmas Eve she slept here regularly with no issues 

2 years ago I was hosting thanksging for extended family. My mom was terminally ill already and had few months to live, she was still in ok enough shape to join us at a dinner table.
 

My YSD lives out of state (normal SD) and could not travel.

My OSD is a felon, former drug addict and stripper/escort and is very thuggish. Well still she is family. She said that instead of her and SGD attending holiday dinner like everyone else she said she'll drop SGD at our house on Thursday when dinner starts and SGD will be with us for 2 days straight. Because she was going to work double shifts at a strip club and then "have a client".
 

First of all on Friday we both had to go to work so we couldn't watch SGD. OSD told us that we have our priorities wrong choosing job over her child.

Then we asked what we supposed to tell everyone where is she going in the evening on thanksgiving. She said she'll tell everyone where she is going plus she'll be already dressed for a job (stripper outfit) and there is no shame.
 

We told her to just come for dinner and stay at the table like other guests, DH also asked no stripper outfits. It's been known for OSD showing up for events like church wedding etc in stripper outfits.

OSD called DH a piece of sh...t. And then asked for 1k to pay some lawyer because she was on probation again. DH said no. She didn't speak to him for a year after that fiasco. This year she brought up again how we didn't allow her to come for thanksgiving that year. Please....

But I imprinted on my DH that Christmas with the skids would be done the way I'd always done it with my dad.  We meet up before Christmas at a nice restaurant for a special meal.  No stress or hassle and everyone knows what to expect.

I cooked 1 christmas meal for DH and YSS when he was living with us but after the lack of appreciation, I never cooked again and DH booked a restaurant for Christmas day.  That way if YSS pulled any shenanigans we could ignore it and enjoy the meal.

This comes from our first Xmas in our home, not the rental. SDs were 9 and 11/12. My fave holiday memories include making cookies, decorating tree, putting out all kinds of snacks, no cooking on the day of, etc. All dashed.

We did decorate tree, but DH didn't help at all. So I had to deal with SDs and then several things were broken from my already reduced collection. Including TWO ornaments my grandmother made, YSD pulled out the hanging string from one then I watched as she put her finger through the other and claimed it was an accident. Nope, it was not. I was furious...I hadn't learned yet that they didn't give two sh*ts about taking care of things or that some things were precious. So after this I kept a special box of ornaments hidden and unused, until last year. 

Then the cookies. I made two of my choosing, no one wanted to bake with me. Wierd but ok. Then I made a batch of kid friendly ones they liked from the year before. DH was out, and I had to practically drag them to the table to decorate them as they had no interest in making them. We talked about traditions and things like that....so partway through this DH comes in with bags of chocolate, announces a chocolate delivery and of course no care about what I'm doing. SDs drop everything and rips open chocolates. They don't want to finish the cookies. So I tell DH that he was rude and why did he do that...he tells me that it's not a big deal. But it's MY tradition, DH, can you let me have ONE thing? Then ISD says, "But your tradition doesn't count because you're not blood related." I left the room in tears. DH made her apologize, but I dumped all the dough and unbaked cookies in the trash and never did it again. YSD helped decorate just a few cookies a little last year but ruined all of them, I think on purpose.  No one eats any cookies I make either. Not DH not SDs. It's just wierd. So I give them to neighbors it take them to work. This year I'll do just a tiny batch for me and bubble neighbors only.

I put out snacks and treats the day of. No one touches any of it. They want luuuuunch or diiiinnner. Fine, DH, cook something.

Dinner....so DH let SDs choose dinner from that Xmas Eve. It's the one thing I have been able to get him to do, shift dinner to Xmas Eve because no way am I dealing with Xmas day and cooking. Shrimp, crab, mac n cheese, mashed potatoes, just decadent stuff. You got it! Two bites and they were done. Even DH was mad. Never again. We now do turkey dinner and DH cooks most of it.

This doesn't include bthe present tallying, opening stockings and not knowing how to react to little fun gifts like soaps, mini flashlights, fun socks, etc...my stocking remained unfilled of course....

Basically I only now do minimal Xmas stuff...tree ok, some decorations (OSD always wanted more but I kept telling her to ask DH), cookies for me, and champagne for mostly me. A few gifts. Don't help DH even wrap.

... my own holiday step tales seem like romantic comedies. Here they are anyway.

In his teens SS spent winter holiday breaks with us. Can't remember why--maybe it was a custody agreement, but I do remember enduring 2 or 3 weeks of grinding holiday misery for several years running. One year SS's mother sent him with gifts wrapped and tagged as specifically coming from her to DH--pajamas and bedroom slippers. It took me days of arguing in front of a jolly lighted Christmas tree to convince DH that these "gifts" were inappropriate and needed to be sent back to the ex unused.

Then there was the year that DH was called back to his home country for a family emergency. I felt horrible for DH, who called daily with tales of mounting woes, and horrible for myself. SS was here per agreement, and I nearly lost my mind with him in the house for 3 weeks without DH as a buffer. My bios were elsewhere so it was just me and him. He was full-grown by that time, sullen, surly, and doing his best to ignore me. In my own damn house.

Also, if you're  ever offered the pleasure of sharing a bathroom with a grown man who resists the use of a toilet brush--well, let's just say I cannot recommend it.

Admittedly not much compared with what some of you have endured, but still deserving a small place in the canon, I think.

Wow these are some real winners!  Mine is not that bad in comparison but it did finally open my eyes to who SD really was and led me to eventually disengage.

Two years ago it was going to be just SO and I home for Thanksgiving so I told him to invite SD (then 21) to join us (she was in college on the east coast at the time).  We knew she was sometimes vegan but generally ate vegetarian food and sometimes fish.  I asked SO and sent him a menu to make sure it was stuff SD would eat and he said all good except SD probably won't have any turkey.  No problem. 

I spent a day or two before doing most of the prep work so we could all spend time together on Thanksgiving day doing something fun.  We went out for an easy bike ride that morning (and SD whined the whole way - slow down, etc. - if we went any slower we'd have to get off and push the bikes).  Then we when get home I start putting stuff in the oven and making a couple of last minute things.  SD was talking to me for bit and said, oh I hope you don't mind if I skip having any turkey, I don't eat meat anymore'.  I said sure no problem and all the sides were vegetarian.  So a couple of hours later we are pulling food out of the oven and setting the table.  SO is standing over the turkey breast and all the sides and saying how amazing it all looked and smelled.  So then SD starts asking does it all have butter in it, ew, does this one have butter in it, ew, how about this one etc (all asking SO not me, who is answering but looking mortified) and then SD proclaims she can't eat any of this.  So I snap at her and said it is Thanksgiving, most of the dishes have some butter in it, deal with it.  Then SO tells me to 'be quiet' - WTF.  I was so pissed.  We ate that meal in silence (SD finally pushed a few potatoes around her plate) and it was the worst Thankgiving ever.  Later SO and I argued and he apologized for snapping at me and said he would speak to SD about her behavior.  So no apology or anything from SD.  Then the next day SD was scheduled to leave on a late flight so we asked her where she wanted to have dinner before dropping her off at the airport.  She said Boston Market and proceeded to chow down on chicken and mac-n-cheese (this was litererally 24 hours later).  I said nothing then and ate nothing but after that told SO she is not welcome to live with us after she finished school that year.  We also went to counselling (just us two) as I was hurt he did not support me when SD was acting out.  In counselling (which did help us) he did see SD's behavior was unacceptable and asked her to formally apologize to me in a letter.  Well, I got a letter with basically saying it was my fault because SD is lactose intolerant (which she is but only mildly and often eats pizza, dairy, etc) and lectures me about it (PS both SO and I are also mildly lactose intolerant - we just take a lactaid pill before and did offer one to SD who refused it).  Two years later we ended up in counselling again (because we were kicking SD out) and this was brought up again.  SD now claims she doesn't remember saying she couldn't eat anything there, still blames me for not guessing she wanted vegan food that day, and claims it was Boston Market's fault that she ate chicken and mac-n-cheese the next day since they had no vegan options on their menu.  She also whined about not being included in our Christmas trip to my parents home on the east coast (they don't even know her first of all so why would she be included on a trip to my parents' house?  Secondly no way am I bringing that drama queen to interact with my family - she would ruin the visit for me).

Needless to say SD is not welcome at my holiday table for the foreseeable future.  It is SO's problem if SD has nowhere to go on holidays because of her own toxic behavior.

One Christmas Eve SD and DH started the trip down memory lane around lunchtime. They were still reliving SD's childhood into the evening. At one point I tried to include myself in a piece of the conversation, and they both shouted me down. Everyone else mysteriously left the room or went home. I was stuck.

I lost it on DH 10 seconds away from SD's driveway. Hasn't happened since.

Ah, good times, good times.