Need some validation..
I'm suddenly the 'bad guy' in my house because I'm trying to be cautious now that Covid is sweeping through my area in a huge way. I live with my girlfriend and her 13 year old daughter. In the beginning we were all taking it seriously and making sure our hands were sanitized and not going out or seeing many people. Back then there was barely any cases in our area. Now there are a TON of cases in our area but they are both burnt out and want to start taking less steps to stay safe, while I want to take more steps. This situation is complicated by a very unresponsible biological father who, when he has the kid, lets her see friends, takes her out to restaurants, and never wears a mask. This weekend is the daughter's birthday and she really wants to go out to eat, my girlfriend told her yes and I'm trying to make my peace with it, however I'm refusing to go on principle, even though I realize that if they get infected they'll bring it back to me anyway. Am I being unreasonable? My girlfriend is afraid that if she doesn't allow her daughter to see friends, go out to eat, etc that she will just want to stay at her father's more, which is probably true, and I understand how afraid she is about losing her daughter because of this, but I also watch news broadcasts every night from our area where health workers are in tears and begging people to buckle down for a few more months so they do not get overwhelmed. My girlfriend feels like I'm pushing her daughter away from us by insisting on safety first, but if we aren't careful right now we will almost certainly end up getting sick. Is anyone else dealing with this in their household? Am I doing the right thing sticking to my principles and listening to the health care professionals? I just feel really outnumbered and demoralized right now and like I'm causing problems for my girlfriend and her family. 
I totally agree with you...
I think right now it's so much better to err on the side of caution and limit trips outside to necessary things only.
This is a great time for your gf to teach her daughter about responsibility in a pandemic. It sucks for kids especially because they're missing out on so much socialization at school.
For us, we're extremely careful because my DH and one SD have asthma so they're at risk. I've discovered that DH has developed extreme anxiety about getting the virus so we're way more careful than most.
Yes, you are right. The issue
Yes, you are right. The issue with COVID is that if people get it in large numbers, the health care system will be overwhelmed. Most people will have a mild-moderate case, few will die - but there are only so many hospital beds available, which means if they are all full of COVID patients, there is no room for anyone else who needs medical care.
It's sad to me that your wife would risk COVID by being a Disney parent, rather than teach her daughter that there are two ways of dealing with this pandemic - hers and the child's fathers. The kid is 13, it's not her choice where she stays.
If I were you I'd explain my position to the kid, and stay home. I'd also not sleep in the same bed with the wife for a couple weeks, and keep your distance. It's possible not to get COVID even if a family member has it.
You're definitely NOT the
You're definitely NOT the "bad guy" here. You sound like a good guy, in taking COVID precautions seriously. Your girlfriend is scapegoating you, because she and her daughter don't wish to be inconvenienced by it all, which is just wild to me. I'm not sure about y'all, but we currently live in the southeast, and step-kid lives on the west coast. Both of our states are back under stay-at-home orders, as of yesterday, allowing us to only go out to work or essentials. Restaurants are back to strictly take-out or delivery.
I'd be very concerned, if I were you, in the lack of alliance in regards to what it takes to safely navigate this pandemic. All of them sound quite immature, honestly.
I wonder if your girlfriend
I wonder if your girlfriend would be more in line with your way of thinking if not for the pressure from her daughter. It sounds like initially she was, but has caved. That makes me think it's not so much a difference in philosophies about the pandemic and more about you vs. daughter.
I do know people who have this political view of the pandemic and deny the need to quarantine. One is currently hospitalized with COVID, though. Both members of the couple agreed on the belief that they should not quarantine. They travelled out of the country and it's been a months-long ordeal. At least, in their case, they both were in agreement on their actions and both have paid.
I wonder if she can compromise by getting takeout from the restaurant and eating at home. My SO and i would do that, setting the table with candles and making the room nice. It was still the food we wanted and still a special night. I think setting the precedent of caving to a child and putting the child's wants first out of fear is a bad road to go down.
Thank you for your comments,
Thank you for your comments, half the time I feel like I'm going crazy and somehow wrong about everything. Girlfriend picked up her daughter from her BD's house after being over there for a little over a week today, the kid refused to wear a mask in the car and told her mother that I was brainwashing her. My girlfriend told me flat out that she is not going to fight with her over it and this is the way it was going to be from now on. I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home. I'm afraid to touch anything at this point. A big part of me in infuriated that I'm being forced to take these risks against my will.. it just seems so selfish to me. But of course her father has been pissing in her ears all week so it was to be expected. What I can't accept is how easy my girlfriend just folds instead of bothering to actually PARENT. Covid is a BIG deal yea, but more than that, I'm beginning to realize that it will be like this until SD is grown up and out of the house. Every good decision we make will be undermined by BD and my girlfriend will just fold rather than stick to her guns. I'm starting to seriously question if I can endure four more years of this, even after Covid, if I in fact survive Covid under these conditions. My girlfriend is just mad at me at this point, really she's mad at herself but taking it out on me because my principles aren't as mercurial as hers are. I love my girlfriend to death and when we're alone things are fine.. but her ex and her daughters are constantly trying to undermine our relationship and it's getting to be too much for me pychologically with all the added stress of Covid and being out of work etc. I feel like if I end the relationship and move out then her ex wins, but if I stay than I lose, but if I go she loses too, and I'm pretty much leaving her to the wolves (or ex wolf) that will control her life by bullying her through their kids. Am I a coward for considering leaving? It's not an easy decision but the absurdity of it all is really hitting me right now, the selfishness, the inability to parent.. I don't know if I can live like this anymore without having a COMPLETE meltdown! I'm just venting at this point I don't know what the right answer is here, but I don't feel safe in my own home and I haven't been happy in awhile. I was hoping against hope we'd all get through this horrible year and somehow come out the other end stronger.. but if I'm honest with myself.. that just seems very unlikely. I'm bitter at the selfishness and shortsightedness of her and her kids, and they're bitter at the boundaries they suddenly have (which aren't extreme but they're just used to having none) since I moved in. Is this just an impossible situation no matter how much I love my girlfriend?
There's a lot to unpack here,
There's a lot to unpack here, but I will reiterate that YOU are an adult and GF's daughter is a child. You do not need to fold to anyone's will, especially a child in which both parents lack a backbone and integrity. Your GF is literally giving her ex the green light to spread misinformation and impose his wormhole brain ideology on a child which is parroted back at mom's home and in your presence. I would have zero tolerance for that, personally.
You have two options (assuming) you split the cost of living with GF, 1) Shut this BS down ASAP, or 2) move out and live at a safe distance from GF, her daughter, and GF's moronic meddling ex. You don't have to break up with her, but putting some distance between you and them will do wonders for you.
Sorry, dude, but this is a clustercuss of a mess. You only get one life, and currently you're living it under someone's else's rule.
I suppose you need to tell
I suppose you need to tell her what you just wrote and see if she is willing to put you and your health first.
I'm so sorry. It's a huge
I'm so sorry. It's a huge problem when one parent lets a kid go and do whatever and completely disregards COVID19. I would think a lot of people here are dealing with that. Just another situation where a step parent's health and well-being is completely disregarded.
My SO's wife was a fall down drunk and the kids ran wild when they were with her (50% of the time). My SO would just roll over and say "what am I supposed to do??!!" Idiots. I lived in my own house separately from my SO and I gotta tell you...it was a really good decision. We did eventually move in together...when all his kids were OUT.