After the mediation that went horribly wrong, a lot of very good friends and family intervened, I am grateful they did really. I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel and dh was quite broken too. First we had the it's so close to Christmas just get through it for the kids (considering it was our fiest ever Xmas with ss 11 that I fought for probably an idea) so he went in bd room and she came in with me and tried to crack on. And Christmas was actually lovely it really was, I actually forgot for a while that bm is always there about to cause trouble. And dh put in so much effort to make a lovely Christmas I found my rose tinted spectacles back out.

Now I thought I had disengaged a good while back, turns out I really hadnt and was still fighting all his battles. It took a friend to turn up sd, n say give me a copy of that mediation transcript, to give me any hope. Mediation it seems isn't worth the paper it's On in the UK. None of its legally binding. So friend says look dh, do you want to be back in contact with bm? Do you want her to have your number at all? Do you believe the mediator in saying ss should have all his own way in order to be happy? Dh was a firm no. She said well then you two, tear it effin up n act like it never happened. I don't know why that wasn't an idea to us. So, now we know that we will never get anywhere in court, and as ss both gets older and more pas, by bm we were throwing everything away to fight for a kid who essentially doesn't really want to be here half the time. With that in mind friend says just give up, if he wants to come let him come, but if you have plans and he changes days he won't be able to come end of. I still feel like the evil step mum, and it doesn't sit well but yes I've stopped including him in the limited plans we can make, I haven't booked him on the next holiday, if it even comes off. Now bm and bf have covid n he hasn't been tested so I won't be reminding dh when isolation is up and he could visit again. Its a whole new level of disengagement for me, but like friend said if dh doesn't facilitate a relationship with his kid it's not your problem, and that relationship will probably die down much quicker. Dh now accepts that he's essentially lost his son so fighting with bm n risking this marriage and a full time life with bd5 is crazy. Incidentally Ss 11 hasn't contacted his dad once since he went into isolation over there, I went to say you should really contact him but I'm learning to keep my mouth shut and maybe just maybe our marriage will survive huh