My SKs always got the Disneyland Dad amount of money and presents for Christmases and birthdays. DH would spend literally thousands of dollars on each kid. My SKs would always "forget" to bring the money from BM's. DH would bitch to me about how the money he gave them always ended up at BM's. DH would also bitch about being seen by BM and the SKs as nothing but a walking wallet. Well, that's because he was. If the kids "forgot their money, DH would fork over the money. Why bring your money over when someone else is a sucker and will pay for everything? Also, DH never told the kids they must bring Dad-money back to Dad's house and Mom-money stays at Mom's. If our spouses won't enforce that and they keep buying for the kids without requring pay-back, then it makes perfect sense that the kids won't have to bother brining any of their money with them. Also, in your SS' case, it may be that if the money is mainly from BM's side of the family, she may be telling SS to leave that money at Mom's house. 

Since my SKs were so spoiled rotten, SD31 never worked until she was 20. DH constantly lamented over it, but I would remind him that since he provides the SKs with 10K worth of gifts and money each every birthday and Christmas, he has made it so that they don't need to work. DH never did learn that lesson. He kept desperately buying the brats. To this day, SS29 has employment issues. He's worked only part time since graduating HS. It's a crying shame because he's a brilliant young man. I think he's got a super high IQ and is actually a genius and has the amount of charm to match, but unfortunately it'll all go to waste. 

Well, it's good that he saves his money rather than blow it on stuff he can do without.  A lot of teens cannot do that.  It's bad that he's selfish and won't use his money for others, like to buy a gift for DH.  It's bad that he doesn't want to work a crap job as a teen.  Clearly he doesn't understand that even a crap job provides valuable experience and the lack of any work experience when you're looking for your "real" job doesn't look good.  It's totally on your DH that he buys stuff for SS after he tells him to bring his own money to buy that stuff.  I'd leave my money at BM's too if I knew dad would pay for my stuff if I didn't have money (although any time we went out as a family when I was young, my father bought stuff for me and I wasn't expected to use my own money).  If that's what happens at BM's house, it's not surprising SS would expect the same thing at dad's house.  I think his thinking is totally normal on that, and he'll continue to do it as long as dad foots the bill.

Saving is smart... not selfish.  If SS is told to bring g money if he wants treats while in vacation,  daddy needs to not buy him treats.

Your fixation on the Skids saving habits and his money is a bit odd IMHO.

I do agree that his cash needs to be in a bank account.

What he gets from bm side is only their business surely? It's up to her to make him bank or spend it.

If he's getting money from yours or dhs side then that's up to you guys.

Ss has a fair amount of holiday and birthday money saved in a bank account dh made him. We don't expect him to spend it on days out with us but if he suddenly decides he wants expensive clothes or bag above the average, he can get it out of his own money as after all that would've been his birthday gift he could've asked for at the time. Its essentially his money to spend in place of presents. 

Should be spending his money on anything except presents for his BM and BF. Brother and sisters. Or anything he really wants.  Not things when he's out with you or BM family. He's still a kid at 13.  He should be saving got college or a car ect

You are assuming that SS really does have that money saved somewhere, unless and until you see it I would just think the kid is lying and stating this to sound important.

That aside your DH is part of the issue here, he buys SS whatever he wants whenever he asks. Also your DH is more than capable of opening a savings account for his son and putting money in there.

Dad has the ability to say "no" your problem is w/ him, he can say no, he chooses not to.

As I moved into my older childhood years my parents started vectoring me towards earning, saving, and spending my own money for key purchases.  The most notable example was a new bike that I had my heart set on.  Rather than just buying it for me outright, they offered to match any money I saved for the bike.  That allowed me to focus on earning and saving, ultimately for a much nicer bike than I origninally had my eye set on.

My parents never expected me to spend my money on family related expenses, or even on gifts for the family.  I often did spend my own money on gifts for my parents and my brother, but... it was neither expected nor demanded.

YSD15 is a hoarder of things - not just money (but at least she's neat and clean about it).

But she has a lot of cash just stashed in her room here and at BMs (most of it ends up at BMs of course).  I am all for her learning how to use a bank/credit union and start leaning how to manage her money. She's had an account at $0 for over 3 years now because BM and DH don't care.  I gave up on this learning experience years ago becase DH just didn't think it was something she needed to learn.

She never spends her own $$. Because DH and BM buy everything.  DH asked me why she doesn't spend anythnng, "Why should she? You and BM just get whatever she wants."  No answer.

At 13 I would expect the kid to learn how to spend for his true wants (candy, snacks, etc.). By 15 maybe certain clothing or toiletries beyond the basics. This would mean ordering on line, or going to the store and the KID does the transaction with the cashier. It's basic living skills.

But what do I know?  I'm just a SM.

CalliMay, this is not your battle to fight. Why do you care if SS hoards his money at BM's house? I can see that you would care if DH is spending money you don't have, but that's entirely different.

Of course SS should keep most of his money in the bank. His parents could take steps to ensure that he does, or provide incentives for him to do so. But they don't. The excuse that the 13 year old refuses just tells me that his parents are weak.

If DH tells SS prior to a visit that there is no shopping this time, and DH doesn't enforce that, then DH is the problem.

LET IT GO. You have no power to fix any of this, unless the real problem is that DH is overspending. SS's money habits are not your concern.