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What are your thoughts?

stepmom92's picture

My husband and I dropped my step kids off today at their grandmothers house. We got to her house and he leaned back for them to kiss him and they said bye and love you. He pointed at me for them to say it but I waved at them and said bye and I loved them. I froze anxiously because I felt like I had to do what their dad did. I’ve been in their life for 3 years. When they hug me, I put my arms around them back. Last night my step daughter leaned on me and said goodnight. I put my arms around her and said goodnight and I love her. Is it bad of me to let them initiate affection first? I get so anxious doing it first even though they always show me affection. I am going to therapy soon. But I just want to know if this makes me a bad step mom?


LittleCloud9's picture

If the children are not uncomfortable you're fine. Most kids like affection from the adults in their lives. It seems you over think this a lot..... Maybe you can't control the impulse to second guess yourself but you really need to cultivate your confidence. Steps need to be pretty tough and they need the strength to be decisive and stand up for themselves. Hopefully your therapist can help you grow in these areas. Best wishes 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I can only ever be myself. Forcing things and being "fake" never work for me. Find ways to be positive toward them that fit your personality. For example, i make sure to acknowledge or praise anything good i see SS11 do. 

It's ok to be yourself. You are enough!