You are here

Update to Eff my life....

halo1998's picture

We now have a very pouty SD cause DH made her deal with this crap.

After I got home the other day. DH knew I was PISSED off about this whole thing.  I told him I am not waiting another year to get on with our lives because SD can't get her shiznit together.  I will sell this house out from under them..they can figure out another year of housing and I will move where the eff I want to.  I was done..I've done my time and its not fair to keep jacking my life around for his failed reproductive experiment.  

DH at first was like...oh its' would only be another year.  Then he realized I was not kidding and I was DONE.  That got his attention.  

DH was going to just take SD's word for everything....but I quickly blew holes all through that bullsh*t.  

SD tried to tell DH that some random guy pulled her out of class and talked to her, but didn't tell her his name or his title.  I prompty told DH...REALLY YOU BELIEVE THAT....yea I highly doubt some random guy pulls a kid out of class and doesn't tell them who they are or what their title is.  So...given that do you really think she has all the information?  (at this point I didn't care if I was being controlling or not....neither one of these chuckleheads can get their heads out of their @ss). I told SD she needs to get to her guidance counselor and figure this shiznit out, as in the NEXT DAY.  Then I got treated with .

Sd:  I don't know where the guidance counselor is.


SD:  I don't know where the office is.

Halo:  After almost 4 don't know where the office is?  what do you know?

SD:  I know where the attendance office is. 


SD:  They won't knowwwwwww......


*This is where I channeled Rags to deal with both of these dumb@sses*

I told DH..tomorrow morning you both have plenty of time to go the school.  DH you don't start work till 10 and SD you have late arrival.  DH, YOU WILL FROG MARCH SD TO THE SCHOOL IN THE MORNING. You will take her to the attendence office and ASK WHERE THE EFF THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR IS.  There is no, we will do it later, I will email, or what the eff ever.  Either you will do this or your will both find your selves homeless very quickly.

DH sensing that I have reached the end of my limit and he will most likely be divorced before the month end if he doesn't get this sh*t sorted takes SD to the school the next morning.

Low and behold the office is RIGHT NEXT TO THE FRONT DOOR.  The door SD has walked through every school day for almost 4 years. (Yes I knew this).  The go in and imagine that they have a sign up computer for the guidance counselor.   Ah...but as luck would have it....SD's guidance counselor was there and was available right at that time. the end SD DID NOT have all the information (insert shocked face here)......and the random guy did tell her his name and his title . (He is the graduation counselor that works with kids at risk of not graduating)   SD at that point admited she just forgot but didn't want to say that.  Then while the guidance counselor is explaining what SD needs to do....SD was on her phone apparently.  DH took said phone and lit SD up in the guidance counselors office.   

DH and SD got the information on what needs to be filled out for the last seal that she can get.  It was more complicated than SD "remembered". 

DH did tell SD if she doesn't graduate there will be consequences if she doesn't graduate ontime.  Things such moving into our condo, etc.

DH and I did have a very lenghty conversation. I will no longer put myself at the bottom of the list.   Either get this in line or he and SD will be jetisoned from my life and I will move on.  I'm done waiting, etc.


Winterglow's picture

Woohoo! I've been hoping you'd let loose and you did and in style! They are going to be crapping themselves for weeks!

Yesterdays's picture

Hopefully it is not too little too late and she is able to get that last seal to graduate. I know you will have to wait and see what is going to happen with SD. DH stood up and got some of this done and seems serious.. It's a shame it took him that long to go bad a$$ but maybe it will make a difference now that SD hopefully know that the 2 of you are not messing around and it's not all fun and games.

Only time will tell if she can pull anything off or if she will have another year on her hands before graduating. And even then... Will she be able to graduate after that year or will she mess around, continue to play "pouty victim".

The good news is you've come to a place of self value and understanding the importance of your own needs and wants. Hopefully the 2 of them can pull it together and you'll have to think about what you want your life to look like regardless of what ends up going down with them.

As far as what THEY did   that is a step forward for your DH. SD... time will tell and hopefully she realizes the severity of not following through on important school matters.

As far as what YOU did, that was amazing! You were always there for them to help. Same as now.. Even this would not have happened without you!!

Are you going to leave this in their hands now and see what happens? 

notarelative's picture

They have a graduation counselor to work kids in danger of not graduating so it's not too late. 

DH is going to have to stay on top of her though. He's met with guidance, but on another day that he starts at 10, he should make himself an appointment with the graduation counselor. These counselors, at least here, communicate with parents. He needs this guy to communicate with him (and not Beaver only). DH needs to check in periodically as to SD's progress on completing the seal (as SD has proved herself unreliable).

DH has made a (very late) good start to ensure his child's graduation. He needs to keep it up. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Wait wait.. "no moving into our condo" Red flag, hopefully she's not planning on moving in with you guys after graduation?

halo1998's picture

So..I own our 2500+ sq foot house.  I bought it before DH and I got married.  We have always lived here with all 4 kids.  When DD went to college (2 miles away from our house) she wanted to move out. Fair..but I wasn't paying 15k a year for 9 months in a dorm. So, DH bought a condo in his name and our oldest two..DD and DS live in the condo. Its about a mile and half from our house.

If SD graduates....we told her next fall she could move into the condo.  DD will be leaving next year for her masters in the UK and DS well..who knows what he is doing. But its a two bedroom condo so SD can take one room once DD leaves., 

But if SD doesn't graduate..that is off the table. 

ESMOD's picture

Fantastic drill sarge!

Don't let the momentum stop there.. follow up with them... don't allow your DH to "let Sd handle it".. she lost that opportunity to be seen as capable or responsible when she got in this position.. so she gets micro managed.. and HE in turn will be micromanaged.

CLove's picture

this reminds me a little bit of freshman year with SD17 powersulk. I found out she was failing through getting husband signed up for his parentvue account (first mistake), she cried after dad got mad at her for failing classes, then I "stepped in" (second mistake) and did the zooms with different folks to see how she needed to get back on track (third mistake), and then expected dad to keep up with things DURING rather than get mad after the fact, and kept checking on her so there were no surprises (fourth, fifth, sixth etc mistakes).

Good on you for putting the hardline with consequences on there, and good on you for not being like me and "inserting yourself" as I have been doing, and putting this ALL on SD and husband. GOOD.

Now the rubber really meets the road. They have to follow through and results need to be had. OR REPERCUSSSIONS.

ESMOD's picture

The key is for OP to manage her husband not his child.  That is the pitfall you fell into.. overfunctioning for your DH.. when HE should care.. and want his child to succeed.  Even a greasy mechanic can manage to figure out how to log into an account.. no reason that he should have needed you to do it.. except for he took the easy way out.. let you be the bad guy.

OP needs to hold her DH's feet to the fire.. that she expects it is HIS job to make sure HIS child graduates and that HE will share in the negative consequences if HE doesn't make that happen.  

MissK03's picture

"I don't know where the office is.." has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read LOLL. I'm assuming even IF this is a large high school... the offices are in the same spot in ever high school...

Right when you walk in....  as it was..

What high schooler doesn't know where the offices to their school are... LOLL. 

Yesterdays's picture

It's all just rubbish.. She probably did know. And if she didn't that's pretty bad because guidance counselors are integral at this stage. My kids will try stuff like this and I kind of laugh and don't believe them and basically tell them well who cares, they need to figure this stuff out, its not rocket science!

Maybe it's time for a line like, "if you can't figure out where the guidance office is how on earth are you going to manage going to college, find your classes, your teachers... What to do at your job... Are you going to give up? Work at fast food joint making minimum wage, not enough money to live? 

halo1998's picture

l don't think she is that clueless.

Yesterdays's picture

Very hard lines need to be drawn with SD, imo. She's coasted far too long... She's gotten herself into this pickle by not doing the work, not looking into things... Having poor grades, not asking for help, not taking the steps for graduating... She didn't consider graduation implications at ALL. I think she figures its no big take a gap year etc. I also think she assumes she can play victim., pull out the theatrics, the waterworks... Pouting... Trying to make everyone else be the bad guy if she falls behind..

What she really needs to learn FAST is that SHE is responsible for her life and what she does now MATTERS. It's that transitional time now that matters. Despite how "uncomfortable" is, or how "stressful" it is. These are not ok choices... Not ok to fall back onto. But she won't always have you guys to light a fire under her a$$. Also the harder she works now the more chance at a successful future she will have and she needs to learn this one way or another. In the near future it will be sink or swim for her.  She'll be in her own.

I hope that she gets it together. It might be time to drive by and park in the sketchiest neighborhood in town and shut the car off. Sit there for 5 minutes until she pouts and asks why she has been brought to this horrible place. Then bring up the talk of this is where she will end up if she doesnt get it together. If she doesn't put any work in. That ultimately she's responsible for her life. And her decisions will determine her success... Or failure. 

advice.only2's picture

I would keep that momentum going with a For Sale sign placed in the front yard as a constant "boot up the a$$" for DH.

Winterglow's picture

So have the sign made and prop it against the wall just inside your front door...



ndc's picture

Good for you, Halo. I am STUNNED that your DuH hadn't done that on his own the second he got a whiff of her not graduating on time.  I'm equally stunned that your SD didn't know where her guidance counselor was. Actually, I don't believe she didn't.  She had to be lying or she is even dumber than you think.  At our HS you have to meet with your guidance counselor twice a year - mandatory. At-risk students and those who are not on track for all graduation requirements meet with them more frequently. There was not a single person in our HS who didn't know where the guidance office was (it was a stone's throw from the main entrance - must be a common placement).  Even the K9 officer who came through occasionally to sniff out illegal substances knew where the guidance office was!

I hope your DH stays on her. No job, no outings, no electronics, etc. until she gets her school stuff on track.  He needs to make that her job and her priority until that diploma is in her hand. Sadly, I suspect you'll have to rain hellfire on him to keep the pressure on her.  Stand firm - the finish line is in sight.

Lest DuH think you don't mean business, I hope you can start taking the steps to effect your post-skid life, whether that's finding a new place, preparing your house for sale,  starting to downsize by selling stuff - leave no doubt in his mind that you're out of there at the end of the school year, with him or without him. 


halo1998's picture

he always wanted me to do the heavy lifting with the kids..both his and mine.  Mine well they knew all hell would come down on them if they tried this shiznit...even my Asperbergs kid.  DH likes to put his head in the sand and just hope it will work out. while escaping reality  yea know kind of like he did our marriage.  

Oh DH knows I'm not kidding anymore.  I have no debt, a great job and my house will sell for 200K more than what I paid for it.  My kids are grown now.  I have no ties to keep me here..other than him.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Put your moving plans in motion.  If you don't, I worry your ADHD DuH will lose interest in having to stay focused on getting SD to graduate.

halo1998's picture

but I will ride his butt from now on.  I mean really....this isn't hard.

Lillywy00's picture



Btw someone else posted how skids act dumbfounded and their bio parents act willfully obtuse. Like It's some universal language. 

Good thing you lit a fire under their lazy duffs. 

Hope you don't always have to continually drag them along like this. And they start taking initiative.