Nothing can prepare anyone for so  much as half of all the surprises and twists flung our way in StepHell. Even if there was an arrangement in place when or before we come into the picture, you still never know when that said arrangement will change. I know that from experience. Had no way of knowing ahead of time that things worked out the way it did, since SD wasnt  under DH's custody for pretty much most of her life until then. I had no reason to prompt me that deal would change. Not that im hoping my SD will ever grasp any of this. Right now, her being Pseudo StepMom and the Best One ever is one of her new personalities now. Thats right, SPs....my SD apparently has all the answers so none of us are doing it right..but she is ! Better take notes( sarcasm) Id sooner take advice from a rock instead of her about much of anything. Knowing her thus far, I'd say she is only claiming Perfect "StepMom" status now because the full Reality of it hasnt hit her yet. I bet you that she wouldnt be so Cocky if she actually had to deal with BF's spawn regulary or they were all living together. I;d also bet she would be singing a different tune if the same pressures and unrealistic expecations that fell on me would also end up on her head. And she is also most likely bullshitting in trying to make me feel Guilty over my failing to meet HER vision of what a SM as she has found me lacking and not up to her standards. As if I actually care if I have her approval anymore since I quit chasing that. . As if I really give a damn about her latest BF, his kids of whatever relationship she allegedly has. I have no idea why she thinks that would be of any concern to me, The minute I got word that her BF had other children, I just instantly Knew that she would try to hang that over my head one day and once again..my gut feelings proved to be correct. 

I have been asking myself the same question as to this sudden Urgency or desperation for us to be "real parents" to these adult skids.  It's rather interesting how they pop up to  flip the script demanding I owe her a mother now. that SHE's decided she is entitled to it because its on HER terms.  Meanwhile, for most of the time I have known her, she didnt want or expect any of that ( which I was careful not to force on her)  Its like she still isnt totally sure if she really wants a relationship with me or still envious at the same time. Its like its never occured to her that I stopped playing that game waiting around for her to figure that out many years ago. Its even more interesting ( and annoying as all get out) when these skids think its OK to still put all these unrealistic expectations  and Pressures on the SM's shoulders even LONG after they have become adults with families of their own that they should be more focused on instead of worrying about what im doing.  And as for the "freeloader" remark? Is she serious??? Its always about deflecting with these entiled skids. Just like with yours, mine has yet to be able to handle a part time gig since she felt the need to "take a leave of absense" after the last one fell through. This was 3 and half years ago mind you. And what does that even mean anyway? Take a leave from what exactly?  As if she hasnt been leeching off the state for the better part of the last decade anyhow,( plus her spawns have been old enough to attend school full time now),whose being the freeloaders  and moochers now???

that I am dealing with idiots. I told SD flat out that No one or nothing could have prepared anyone for what had transpired with her. And that I had heard that old song and dance before so I shrugged it off to her after that.  Simple, clear and to the point and thats a fact. I actually dont care if she understands or not since Clarity and common sense arent exactly her strongest suits. I feel that The idiots who spit that line are really just projecting their own failures and struggles to try to make themselves feel better anyway . It just shows how insecure they actually are . They are also usually the last people on Earth who should be criticial of anyones life choices given thier own less than stellar track record. As you say, they resort to being insulting and condescending while still ( literally) begging for my energy and attention yet SD still wonders WHY over and over again why I'd rather keep my distance and not deal with people like her if i can help it. 

Believe me, this thought has occured to me many times that part of her motive is to try buttering me up again to get special favors and treatments without question from me. Its been the typical cycle. I usually dont see or hear anything from SD ( not even through her Daddeeeeeee) for long stretches of time ( Mercifully) . When she does pop up, its not without needing something and the pressures come back with her which she expects to be met. Its like she takes whatever crumbs of tolerance and kindness ive given her and ran a miles with them.  Then I put my foot down when I dont comply with said expectations, she gets all pissed, then radio silence ensues for another long time. This is Old Hat for me. 

I am not pleased with  how skeptical and mistrusting I have become with her since I do my best to give others the benefit of the doubt and have empathy. But the same patterns always play out and its gotten old so long ago.  

For someone like SD who had been Love Bombing me ( another piece of these pattens) gushing over how she thinks im so beautful and smart ( eww because this was just moments before she started coming at me for what I should have thought of before marrying someone with a child, yes she still refers to herself as THE CHILD. who "Never was put first"( Give me a Break! ) She still acts like one for sure so it not totally inaccurate) , She must still think im pretty naive, stupid or was just born yesterday

Its also noteworthy that in light of recent discovery its clear how low she will go to get money when feeling desperate in ways operating outside the law and not overly phased or ashamed once caught ( truth) Since getting a legit job is too much for her or beneath her)   Needless to say that any suspicions I had already have been heightened to the max now. 

Try telling that to SD or anyone else in my DH;s family or whomever who cant seem to understand that. SD really does have way too much free time on her hands and does watch Full House reruns and what not. NOT knocking it, since that used to be one of  my favorite programs in its day. Thats got to be her fanatsy of one big Happy Perfect Family, which according to her, she feels deprived of. The key is that I know the difference between that and Reality now.  Aside from the TV, I dont think I will ever understand why she would still have these kind of high expectations, given that DH and BM were never married ( ill take any silver lining i can get) and split up not terribly long after she was born. She has rarely known a time when they were together so she can't possiby remember. This had nothing to do with me, so I really dont know why she is still expecting me to conform to her warped sense of reality and  uphold these standards ....meanwhile, she pretty much had trouble accepting me arriving on the scene. I still will never understand if its because she still held out that much hope for her parents to get back together or she wished her Dad ended up with someone else who wasnt me. Its not like she hadnt make some rude commments back when she mentioned in front of me that she had hoped that Daddyyyy married some other ex girlfriend instead.  That tells me , I bet she and her Momma scared away all his other relationships and she has been secretly resentful that I am the one who stuck around. and why she failed in getting Daddyyyyyy alll to herself . Yet she cant get why I had to step back

that has been my agenda. As crude as this sounds, I got too much of my other stuff going on to put my life and free time on hold to cater to however SD feels or what SHE wants at any given moment. This 29 year old troubled little  girl changes her attttude and personalities  like a defective Mood ring on crack..You never know what you'll get.  Who can keep track anymore? Its too exhausting to try. and her feelings are ultimately on HER to try to regulate.   This is a huge thing for me to say since normally, I really am a more compassionate, kind person who never ever has meant to hurt someone elses feelings, am a Recovering People Pleaser. and normally I'd feel even more guilty. THEN I remember that I can be a nice person without feeling obligated to Sacrifice the Peace I worked towards conserving, for Those who arent at peace with Themselves and may very well never reach that State no matter what I do or dont do.  That much has become Evident thus far, and Im so Done with any of that.