SS Incoming!

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SS34?37?12?

DH and I have retired to a tropical paradise, leaving kiddos and our old lives behind. SSxx (who cares how old he is?) is due to arrive for his bi-annual visit in an hour.

A truce has been in effect since DH and I decamped for sunnier climes--probably the result of being thousands of miles removed. I'm not looking forward to his visit but thankfully am not dreading it either, as I used to do back during the bad old days of Disney Dadding EOW. This week we'll all go for a nice dinner once or twice and be polite. I'll have to feed him once. Other than that I'm looking forward to shutting myself up in my office and not being bothered for a week while the boys entertain themselves.

Nobody else will say so, but SS is on the spectrum. He's very awkward. He's had one girlfriend in his life and she dumped him awhile back. Our adopted country is a destination for sex tourism. Knock yourself out, kid.

He still skeeves me out. Thankfully there's a door on my office.

Just a message to let you all in the midst of it know that peace can come, eventually.

Just make sure he does not take tours in your home.

The tour guides are not ones you want knowing anything about you, your home, or your life.

Good thinking

Never thought of that.

DH planned to put him up in our place for his first trip a couple of years ago. I raised a huge stink and so SS stays in an AirBnB nearby. Better he keep his foreign adventures and tour guides to places better equipped to deal with that sort of thing.

New policy: Keep your tourist shit the hell away from my premises. Have I mentioned he skeeves me out?

Glad to know I can still be an evil step mother.

As far as these skid

As far as these skid situations go, it sounds like you have found a really good place to be. Congratulations. My SS, too, is 36/37/12? He's had more than one GF, but his relationships are extremely short-lived.

SS is staying in a AirBnB

That sounds awesome! You can either stay cozy in your office or go out and enjoy the Christmas season. It’s just one dinner, no need to stress!

Miss T - this sounds like an

Miss T - this sounds like an excellent plan. Way to go. As for SS skeeving you out...I get it. Check out my blog on Mendez Brothers- I get a little weird inuitive gut feeling to watch out with one adult SS. Your instinct is telling you something. Is the feeling that he might do somethign to you ? Or is it that you are afraid you will get implicated in his bizarre behavior? Watch your back.

Yes!

Re the skeeving out. I've learned not to rely solely on my gut feelings, but I've also learned to pay attention to them. I don't think he can harm me. I don't fear him financially as I paid a very good attorney to protect our assets from him. (DH doesn't know, because of course why would anyone need protection from his darling son?) He's not a physically violent type, though back in the bad old days of EOW Disney Dadding he once kicked my dog. (DH witnessed the incident but I had to practically beat him over the head to get him to acknowledge that yes, SS kicked the dog. Months later, DH wanted SS to house/dog sit while we were on vacation. Another near head beating occurred as I backed him down by insisting he recall the dog kicking incident.) Also back in the day, as evidenced by a million incidents I can't even remember, SS would happily have broken up our marriage if he'd been able. And no, I did not break up his parents' marriage so he didn't have that excuse. He just effing hated me and the feeling was mutual.

The waters are calm these days, but I'm still on low-level alert. If he did something alarming I'd be shields up. But nowadays I don't think the spideys are signalling danger. There's just something off about him. The government of this country estimates that while here >10% of foreign tourists employ hookers, a significant percentage of whom are minors. I'd be willing to bet that SS is among the buyers. He's got expendable income and the locals are strapped for cash. Bless his heart--and he really did not know what he was seeing or he'd never have mentioned it to me--DH reported proudly that SS was quite a hit with the local girls.

Yeah, I'll bet he was.

Call me a prude, but I find that behavior horrendously skeevy. But even beyond that there's something else I can't quite put my finger on. SS just gives me the creeps and I don't quite know why.

Happily I don't have to put up with him much.

Skeevy is a great word.

It applies so appropriatley to any number of situations that we see as SParents. Skids, Xs, ILs, lawyers, Judges, etc.....

That would creep me out too.

That would creep me out too. Gross. Keep him in an airbnb for all future visits. As for not being able to put your finger on SS creeping you out - I *get* it. It's real and never discount it. I get creeped out by both adult SSs but slightly different reasons and for a long time one of them I couldn't quite put my finger on and then after digging into my feelings and gut reaction I've come to the conclusion of who he really is. Once I honored my feelings (like you are doing) and took time to process it I can almost predict behaviors like clockwork and know his motivations behind the behaviors. It takes out the guess work. Based on your assessment so far you're on a path to understanding this and you can steer clear of that SKID with a good sense of what creep activities are going on.

You have valid reasons

Not to like SS. Or trust SS. and realize he's not a person you want to be around. Unfortunately DH doesn't see it that way . To keep peace for the year you must put up with these few days. You have time to make plans yo be away as much as possible. Fo r these days, One dinner out a few pictures and your good for another year

Xackly

I get the sense that SS is just biding his time. That's probably where my creeps come from.

DH and I have income-producing assets. I brought them into the marriage. (Might I add that I earned them myself. My parents left me only scrappiness and a cynical disposition.) DH brought a beat-up truck and a recent bankruptcy into the marriage, along with his adorable self.

My attorney put the assets into a trust. The trust will be liquidated and the proceeds will go to a charity when we're both gone. I watched my kids piss away an inheritance from their father's sister, and they know I won't be giving them a second shot. I only wish I could be around to see the look on SS's face when he realizes that he's not getting a cent either.

Ive considered

local animal shelters for my assets.

Now Im getting curious

Husbands family comes from a country like that. But they dont talk about things of that nature, just the wonderful food and scenery.

Right?

Don't get me started. I have a lot to say on the topic but this isn't the forum.

DH reported proudly that SS

DH reported proudly that SS was quite a hit with the local girls

Oh, dear Lord!

We, too, tightened up and locked down our wills. I have an azz-kicking niece as executor. She takes no prisoners.

SS here once hit our dog. DH stood there and said nothing, which blew my mind. I told SS to never do that again.
When DH came home from the hospital after major surgery and I had our dog greet him (I had our dog on a leash just in case), SS said, "If that MFer jumped on Dad, I was going to kill him." WHO is the MFer here? I think SS was confused. I have reminded DH of that statement a number of times and reminded him that our dog has been more of a real son to DH than his bio son has been. So, the real MFer is not allowed back on our property (over that and many other bad behaviors during his last visit here).

My skids know that I did not break up their parents marriage (we married 8 years after the divorce) yet had it pounded into their heads that I broke up the family. BM wanted the benefits of a husband and intact family while divorced. She would be Wife #1 and I would be kind of like the whorey Wife #2 So, everyone was/is angry.

Point being, all of our stories have strings of similarity in them. I don't know why this still surprises me. Is there a factory somewhere spitting out these idiots?

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY!

There is an idiot factory and

There is an idiot factory and yep they come out with the same toxic models every year...if I had a $1 for everytime I heard the parallels in all our stories and then another $1 for where the stepmom ends up after dealing with decades of this mess -I'd never have to work another day in my life! Keep that SKID outta your house - only fair after they try to screw up your marriage, your life and to decimate your characters. Seems fair not to let them back in EVER.

SD30 might have been produced

SD30 might have been produced from the same idiot factory. No sugar coating it anymore.

I did see a random joke post saying that It Has been accounced that Stepmoms should be entitled to $100 for every time someone tells her that she knew what she was getting into. She should have thought of x y an z before marrying someone with a child..that kind of rubbish. Or just charge that fee for any nonsense we had to endure because of our Steps. Oh boy, I really wish that were for Real! I would sending some ( itemized) invoices ( including interest) out to my darling SD herslef first, then one to my MIL.How would that be for a Christmas Present....Merry Christmas, guys!!!!! Pay up.

Some of our DH's could be charged too for our trouble and greivances.

This makes business sense not

This makes business sense not only for the dollars and cents but eventually they'd realize that they had racked up quite a debt and it would stop, essentially creating a healthier and respectful enviroment for the stepparent. That is if they actually would have to pay it...a few hefty fines for the same idiot stuff happening and that should whip them into shape or drown them in debt- either way it works.

I am leaning towards the

I am leaning towards the drowning the debt option playing out more than likely. These skids never really change no matter how much they might desperately try to convince you otherwise. They always tell on themselves revealing that a tiger never changes its stripes. Right now, I'd probably just charge SD30 just for not leaving me alone hoping that she stops before she is over her head in debt. . Or Id pay her to do that ,,would be money well spent just for my peace.

Yes...

...agreed! 100%!

The Idiot Factory

There's nothing new under the sun, is there?

"The Idiot Factory" We

"The Idiot Factory" We should make money off of all the BS we have endured and write a screenplay for a movie!

Just because DH has his head

Up his A$$. and sees a perfect DS. That's on him. Nothing to do with you. You make sure SS gets nothing from you. You know he's '''''''special''''. You have a right not to trust him. Personally I would not. You have a lawer hope the lawer has you legally wishes set up. And you can sleep good at night knowing..'''DH reported proudly that SS was quite a hit with the local girls.'''

SMH.