SD screams and cries allllllllllll day!
My bf and I met when my daughter was 2 months old and his 10 months old. I moved in with him when my daughter was 6 months old. A month later he gained full custody of his daughter who up until then I only interacted with on weekends for a short period of time. I left him 4 months later because I couldn't handle his daughter and had no relief except my own family whom was helping all the time as was I. We work opposite shifts and would see each other every 7 days if that. She screamed and cried all the time. Complete opposite of my daughter. BM is not in the picture at all.
Here we are 7 months later and decided after being separated for 5 months that we wanted to try to work it out. I truly love him. We have both said if it were not for our kids we'd be a perfect couple. Truth is - my daughter never causes issues between us. Now she is a little rough. She is use to carry on with bigger kids and they carry on back. Bf daughter does not like to be touched and isn't around other kids like my daughter is so every time my daughter comes near her she flips out screaming and crying. When we started dating again his daughter was going to a babysitter and it was peaceful. Now my family and I have taken on the task of watching her every day 7-8 days straight.
Little insight in to my relationship with my daughter's father - she goes with him 3 days a week - no court ordered! We agree on everything - right down to child support! She goes with her father's mother every other week and is with my mother and gmom during the day while I work. Very healthy environments.One of the reasons I believe she has such a healthy disposition.
Now here I am typing this after a longggg night! My nerves are so damn bad I can't even eat! My daughter is with her father and I have spent 45 minutes of my night listening to screaming because crayons were taken away - the third time. Yes, she didn't cry the firs or second time, the third time! This is EVERYDAY. ALL DAY. She screams and cries allllll the time. My daughter fusses if she's tired. If she cries it's because she is really hurt. I CAN'T do it. I can endure this every single day and I can only imagine how it disrupts my daughter. Which it does on days when his daughter screams at nap time for over an hour and my daughter can't sleep. BUT you'll never hear my daughter cry then either. She'll sit there and finally fall asleep when DS stops screaming.
You give SD her way she is hushed instantly! I just don't believe in that. Especially when you're caring for two kids under 2. It's hard.
I told him tonight I can't do it. I can't watch her every day. And I can't. If I do I will resent him and leave again because it makes me depressed. But I feel horrible! Like I'm not supporting the man I love. Then I try to put myself in his shoes and how I would feel if he said he couldn't watch my daughter because of her behavior but I can't because my daughter isn't like that.He apologized the other day and said he knows it's hard, that he is taking her to the docs to see what he can do to help this. Every site I go to says it's from being spoiled and that you have to ignore it. But I can't spend every day of my life like this and "trying" to ignore it.
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Ignore her, eventually she'll
Ignore her, eventually she'll calm down and stop the screaming. Sounds like she trained her sitter to give her what she screamed for. Retraining her will take awhile. Wonder if she is autistic? The not wanting to be touched has me wondering.
Her mother is diagnosed
Her mother is diagnosed bipolar and on medication. He has ADHD and on medication. And yes, we ignore her and she has screamed upwards of 2 hours. It's easy for us adults to ignore it but it disrupts my child. She cries and doesn't know what is going on. And I have questioned that myself. But how do you say that with bf being offended? It ends up with we have two different kids and it is normal. But I know so many kids her age and none of which act this way every single day.
Repeat after me: Not my
Repeat after me: Not my child, not my problem. You are not the child's mother and your family is not her family. Time for your BF to step up and make arrangements for HIS kid. And if he won't or claims he can't, move on--it'll only get worse.
I say that.....in my head.
I say that.....in my head. But he wants us to be a family unit but it's unbearable some days. Even for him. This is something I won't take from my own child that I am subjected to through his.
1. Listen to dtzyblnd - the
1. Listen to dtzyblnd - the ipod is a gft from the gods.
2. Watching this child s not your responsibility.
10-18 months old then I left
10-18 months old then I left and NOTHING has changed with her. He works night shift so she is home with daddy every day during the day. Just them and she gets whatever she wants. And he said he is guilty of giving her her way to avoid these fits!
He wants a doctor to say "no,
He wants a doctor to say "no, it's not normal" and here's what you need to do. He expressed to me that he knows it's hard on me. He offers to take her to the sitters to give me a break but it's still reality of how she is regardless. Doesn't make a difference but just makes it less for me to deal with.
This isn't just crying. This
This isn't just crying. This is screaming. Fits. She cries over everything. She came out of her room fine and smiling then just starts flipping out again. This happened 4 times in a row. Changed her diaper in the morning and she's talking and fine, I get up and walk and she screams but the next morning is fine with the same routine. For the past two mornings I have opened her door to screaming but haven't gotten her out right away. Instead I tell her I will get her out when she's done screaming and she quiets down and then I go and get her out. The reason I think it isn't "normal" for her is because of how her life was before I came along. At 12 months she would flip out if her dad left her sight and this was after BM kept her from him for 9 days when they have never been apart. Way more to the story but that gives you some insight. She also rarely smiles and is not affectionate at all.
I'm wondering if the child
I'm wondering if the child has drug or alcohol syndrome cause by the mom drinking and drugging during pregnancy. They have extreme behavior problems and emotional issues.
Same here. I think something
Same here. I think something is wrong BUT because I am the step parent most say I'm insensitive and she's just being a normal 23 month old. She cries constantly. Going to bed and waking up. All day long.
I agree. He doesn't watch my
I agree. He doesn't watch my child. He use to when we first dated but now I won't leave her there just to get reprimanded all day for making his daughter cry from doing absolutely NOTHING to her. I take her to my mom's.
To me it could be either or.
To me it could be either or. She comes from a not so good infancy. I know emotions and stress effect a baby in womb! His daughter is a product of her environment is how I see it and that could cause issues with emotions and can mentally mess a child up.
Now I parent my daughter with what you call "modern" parenting and she is very well rounded. She did not grow up the first year of her life with verbal and physical arguments, drinking and being left alone in a crib hours at a time (from what I am told). And her mother walking out on her at 13 months. Instead my daughter at 4 months of age went with her father 3 days a week, which she still does in addition to her paternal grandmother one day every other week. And sometimes paternal grandfather watches her if her dad has to pick up a shift. I also had a very healthy pregnancy and have not been diagnosed with bipolar and on a daily dose of lithium like BM is. Now had SD not been exposed to such I would chalk it up to merely her being a two year old BUT I believe this behavior is a direct result of her upbringing and then maybe a bit of being 2.
Sure, it's easy to say ignore it for us adults but when you have a 15 month old watching a 23 month old screaming, kicking and flipping out it's not so easy to tell your 15 month old to ignore it. I am home 7-8 nights straight with just the two of them. My daughter has NEVER thrown a fit for not getting her way or something taken from her. Right down to her paci, kitty or blanket. She simply moves on. Now my PARENTING has worked quite well for me but it was something I worked on from BIRTH to ensure that my daughter did not exhibit this type of behavior. Which to me makes a huge difference. You are your child's first teacher!
This is what I was going to
This is what I was going to recommend. Talk to the pediatrician. This baby is 2. You guys have time to correct behavior but you need to be on the same page about parenting, but first you need to make sure that nothing else is wrong with her.
Don't subject your child to
Don't subject your child to this. She's developing and doesn't need to be around a disturbed child. I, personally, would be afraid it would rub off on my child. Just live apart , and date. You're also enabling him to be a shitty dad. HE needs to STEP UP and PARENT his child- not dump her on his girlfriend.
Poor kid. What a
Poor kid. What a heartbreaking situation.
I think you should move out BG. There's no reason why you can't maintain the relationship. Sometimes you have to take one step back in order to go two steps forward. But your BF needs to step up and PARENT. Only when he steps up to the plate and starts managing this situation ON HIS OWN can he be the partner that you and your daughter deserve.
I think your heart is in the right place, but you are doing yourself, your daughter, and really, your BF and his daughter as well a disservice by staying in this situation as it stands. Taking yourself out of the equation will force your BF's hand, one way or the other.
I agree. And I did once
I agree. And I did once remove myself from the situation entirely. He expressed to me this morning that she never threw fits like this when we were separated. But she also sat day in and day out with daddy and whatever she needed/wanted was right there. I can see it being difficult going from constant attention to having to share time and attention with two other people but if anything she gets more attention!
Her babysitter has twins and is a single mom so I don't believe that's the best situation either. They are 3 years old, I believe. But where can you take your kid to from 2pm until 12:30a.m. 7-8 days straight for $100 and know that they are at least safe? It's so many factors to this.
Btw, his family has
Btw, his family has absolutely nothing to do with her. If they do watch her (rarely - maybe once every 3-4 months) they make sure she comes right back home first thing in the morning. When we dated the first time his family took to my daughter while his gave the evil eye and screamed if they tried even talking to her.
This is a nightmare. I can't
This is a nightmare. I can't imagine a grandma not wanting to be around her grandchild. But that isn't the issue anyway- you need to DATE this man , and get your daughter far away from this toxicity. Don't be his free maid/ babysitter, you can do better for you AND your daughter. And if he can't date because his daughter is disturbed, that's his bed he made, not yours.
Sad thing is - he said what
Sad thing is - he said what am I supposed to do - not date someone with a kid and that won't be around consistently because my daughter doesn't like it. Because she is fine (for the most part) with daddy.