Sorry, but I think this affair may be more than "emotional". Secret meetings, bike rides together, requests for pics? This sounds like it will soon become a full-blown physical affair if it hasn't already. You need to call him out on this behavior & get to the bottom of this - pronto! If I saw these kinds of texts, FB posts, etc., my DH's bags would be packed & the locks changed before he got home tonight!

Oh hell no Elizabeth. Put the kibosh on this stat. I'm sure there are plenty of MEN that your DH works with that he can be chummy with. Unless this woman is missing a bunch of teeth and has a mullet and weighs 350 pounds, this WILL escalate.

This is beyond disrespectful to you. Especially that they are both being so brazen about it... posting pics on FB etc. I'd kill him

IMHO...If this is not already a physical affair, it is well on its way to being one.

They are flirting like people do at the onset of "dating".

How are people so stupid as to leave stuff like that on their phone?

I think you should keep quiet for now and get your ducks in a row (financial paperwork etc) and show up at the tattoo parlor for his appointment }:)

Your DH is already on my shit-list with his sneakiness regarding his daughter. Add this to the mix?? Yeah, I don't think he's EVER getting off that list.

Sorry that this is going on. I would definitely confront him. He will minimize your feelings and make you feel like you are a. over reacting b. too sensitive c. a sneaky person for looking at his phone. He will also make you question what you know or feel.

Do you feel it in your gut? If so, I'd go with that. I've gone against my gut before and it was not good.

Annnnnnd you'll need the consult of several good divorce attorneys in the area. You've put up with his guilty daddy miniwife bullshit forever. And now he wants "wife three" in the picture?

Hell no.

Make sure you get lots of consults so that he can't use any attorneys in the area as it would be a conflict of interest.

I'd go all covert on his ass and follow him to the tattoo shop and then walk in while he is in the chair.
I would fuck that bitch up too, she's got some God damned nerve cozying up to your husband. OMG, I am PISSED and it isn't even happening to ME!

Actually Sue is right!! Send someone to take pictures and then follow them when they leave the tattoo parlor.

Let their HR department know. Most companies do not approve of co-workers messing around.

Yeah, like seriously, I have read this post 5x and I am getting more and more worked up each time. Why haven't you shown up at his job? I would go up to that bitch and tell her, "If I ever see another inappropriate text from you on my husbands phone you are going to regret even looking at him sideways. I will plaster your face all over the fucking neighborhood as a home wrecker. STAY THE FUCK away from my husband bitch." Then tell him "If you EVER disrespect me in this manner again I will make sure you pay for it for the rest of your days. I will leave you penniless and destitute and then we'll see if this ratchet ho pays any attention to your broke ass."

What is DH's FB relationship status? Does he say he's married? If not, he may be pursuing her actively, and she may think he's available. Nothing to stop something from starting if it hasn't already.

If she is aware he's married, then the fact that she's not EXTREMELY uncomfortable with this kind of flirtatious conduct from a married colleague suggests she's available for an affair. Again, nothing to stop this from starting if it hasn't already.

The only thing that makes me think she's *maybe* trying to keep him at bay? That she texted him a pic of her drink. She could be feeling harassed by him and not sure how to handle it. Ofc, that's pretty much countered by the bike ride....

My DH had a co-worker want to get a little to close and I told him that anything that makes ME uncomfortable is not acceptable. I don't care if it is innocent. I am not a crazy super jealous person, however I know how things 'accidently' happen. I know how tramps are as well.

So sorry Elizabeth.

It sounds like he's having an affair.

Be smart - hire a PI to tail him and get photos - evidence. Also work on an exit plan protect your assets and bank account, hire an attorney.

~BettyRay

>Does this constitute an emotional affair? I feel it does, but I'm trying not to overreact or get all bitchy crazy.<

Emotional affair, actual affair, whatever you want to call it...It doesn't matter. This man is married to you and yet he is behaving like he's still single and available. So even if there is absolutely nothing going and they are just good friends, YOU are his wife and YOU trump good friends.

DW has a very close male friend from work. Yeah, they'll go out for drinks after work sometimes. He'll invite her to his place with some friends for a BBQ. To an outsider it may look like DW and this guy are an item... The big difference here is that DW hides NOTHING from me and whenever she gets an invitation, she calls me right away to invite me along. Now, due to the fact that we have children, most of the time we turn the invitations down. DW puts her priorities on us and our family first.

I would one of two things: either show up at the tattoo parlor yourself and act like nothing is going on, your DH will know he's been caught, and the other woman will wonder why you are there.
#2 would be to send someone else, let them take pictures, let them observe how they act together.

I did this before. I had someone check up on a past SO who was on a bowling team with someone I didn't trust and knew was a big flirt. At first he didn't tell me who he was bowling with, then I found out. I sent a friend to the bowling alley he didn't know and she talked to me on the phone and told everything that was going on. Lots of flirting, mostly on her part, but yea my ex SO was involved in it too. That was all I needed to know. Send a woman he won't recognize, women can tell most of the time when they see 2 people and how they react to each other, if anything is going on.

I feel terrible for you because this is so obvious. My heart hurts reading it because I know it must be painful for you. My husband knows better than to behave in any of the ways that you listed up there. And I would do the same for him. It's respect. When you are married, engaging in this kind of behavior is disrespectful to your spouse and should not be tolerated. My heart would be broken if any one of these things happened but I'd certainly be making plans for anything at this point. Don't wait for it to 'happen' to you. Take control of it now.

The thing is, Elizabeth, if it truly is "no big deal" then why did he hide it all from you? That right there points to the fact that he KNOWS he is doing SOMETHING inappropriate.

Now I am questioning ALL the time he spends with SD and the money he spends on her. How much is REALLY going to SD? How much is going to his "work wife?"

(((HUGS)))

Just let us know if you need us to come and kick his ass for you.

Why is anyone from work texting him? My DH is the only man that works in his office, and he doesn't get texts from coworkers. His phone isn't paid for by his company, and anything pertinent that they need to call him about can be phoned into his office and left on voicemail.

Your NOT confronting him will 'just slow the inevitable'. He will probably continue this path for sometime if he thinks you're not onto him. I saw a counselor once because I was having trouble dealing with a partner that my daughter chose to be with. The counselor after hearing that I stayed with my ex husband for 22 years - the last 10-12 I knew I wanted to leave, but was always trying to figure out how. The counselor said to me 'what do you think you were showing your daughter by staying with an alcoholic and in a bad relationship?'..you showed her it was okay live with an abusive person and remain in a bad relationship'!

Your NOT confronting him will 'just slow the inevitable'. He will probably continue this path for sometime if he thinks you're not onto him. I saw a counselor once because I was having trouble dealing with a partner that my daughter chose to be with. The counselor after hearing that I stayed with my ex husband for 22 years - the last 10-12 I knew I wanted to leave, but was always trying to figure out how. The counselor said to me 'what do you think you were showing your daughter by staying with an alcoholic and in a bad relationship?'..you showed her it was okay live with an abusive person and remain in a bad relationship'!

OMG - my partner is soo like that. He is super inappropriate. Hedoesn't have friends so work people are the closest he has.

I will say right now that we met at work. Before i joined the company he had already left his wife with a girl from work. That relationship bombed and 3 years later i fell for his charms.

I had no idea what i was in for. Honestly I can be so naive as I had no idea the work place could be a cess pit of extra marital affairs and gross inappropriateness.

At the start if our relationship he flirted with any half decent looking woman in the office. I am the queen of snooping and caught him at his own game. Twice I left the relationship and had a job lined up elsewhere so i could move on from his BS. But I struggled to keep the break up and we got back together and i stayed in the same workplace.

He's made passes at married women I considered friends, everytime a new person starts in the office I have to secretly check it's not a hot young thing. Now I'm off work for 9 months and I have bouts of doubt and insecurity as to what he is currently up to.

He is a senior executive so gets to travel across Asia a lot. I recently discovered that some blonde him and my boss would always discuss was in acountry he had a conference in. He does not need to attend the conference but he was insisting on it. When I found out the blonde was now working in the office there I told him he was going there if he was taking me and my daughter with him.

he says I talk a lot of shit. BUT when you do shit, what do you expect.

Put your foot down. From experience i know these things can escalate real quick. The women at work always seem more fun because after all they are not calling your husband on his bad behaviour so you end up looking like the boring bad guy.

I've told my partner that he can flirt with these office tarts all he wants, have an affair if he feels like it but one day they will just turn into a boring nagging GF like we've all become...LOL.

I hate men who cheat and i now also hate women who throw themselves at men(married or not) at work. I never took note of it until I started dating a work colleague(He was single at the time so i didn't steal him from anyone just in case you're wondering)

My heart hurts for you....I too know this sickening feeling of something being wrong. I hope the best for you but I do think you need to have that long uncomfortable conversation. Find out what happened, and what you are willing to work on/fight for. Many people split up due to affairs and many go into counseling and stay the course and many just ignore and suffer in silence. I think you need to spend some time processing it and then just talk to him and figure out what is going on and proceed according to your heart, mind and conscience. xoxo lots of hugs

Elizabeth (((HUGS))) I have been here before with BS's dad It sucks.

My cousin got married the weekend after DH and I did. They had been together 7 years prior. They were married for 9 months and she caught him cheating with a co worker. First texts. When she confronted him about the texts, he said it was nothing, that she was married, they worked together, for her to quit being crazy and not trusting him.

The texts stop. But they just started to email each other to communicate. So she confronted him about the emails. Again same stuff as with the texts. Cousin was crazy and didnt trust him.

Then he just moved out. Wouldn't tell her where he was staying. He would come to the house when she was at work. This has been going on for over 10 weeks.

The co worker is now divorced. Where she was previously married.

My cousin has found bank statements, receipts, emails, texts and her husband still denies that he is cheating. It's so freakin obvious. He actually shredded receipts at their house while she was at work. They were grocery receipts. She went to the grocery store, used the store card and asked for the receipts for the past 2 months. Found purchases not only for stuff he doesnt eat or even like but also for women's items.

He finally did tell her he wanted a divorce but still denies he is with the other woman.

He will probably never admit it.

The sad thing is, he is more then fine to leave my cousin just hanging for these past 10 weeks, letting her live in the house, paying the bills all while shacked up with his mistress.

Elizabeth, have someone that DH doesn't know go take a video at the tattoo parlor. I agree with other posters, you need to have evidence that something went down. All of the signs are there, and pointing in the wrong direction, unfortunately.

Regardless, I would be packing my bags (or HIS). What time is the appointment and what are you going to DO? We're all here for you. Be strong and save yourself.

He's not worth it.

~ Moon