Thank you, Willow. I have also noticed this "trend"... If that's what you can call it. I think some of this boils down to the toll that emotional abuse/gaslighting can take on a once healthy psyche after repeated, relentless manipulation. I agree that counseling would be beneficial in these cases as well.

I think those ladies are younger, maybe not confident in standing up for themselves. I was like that in my first marriage for awhile, then as I got older, I got bolder.

With my current relationship, I went into it as a strong, confident, self supporting woman so I didn't allow my DSO to start making demands in the beginning and it set the tone right away. I allow him to get away with some things step related that I probably shouldn't, but it is tiring always being the bitch LOL.

I hate to read women that work, take care of kids being treated that way.

I don't know... some of these things may sound like they are one sided... but in reality, may not be as cut and dried.

1. He makes me babysit. Well... perhaps she is being asked to do so because the household is tight on funds. Sure, if they weren't together, he would be forced to figure out a way to have the kids cared for while he worked... but she would also have to figure out how to get some things done that HE probably helps with too right.. mowing the lawn.. home maintenance.. paying half the bills etc... And in many cases, the women saying this are already watching kids of their own.. so I can see the logic of it making sense for one parent to watch "all the kids"..especially if one of them may be a SAHM or working PT.. or if the other partner has a job that requires OT or whatnot (and pays more). So, maybe this is along the line of.. well, I know it's what we have to do to make things work around here.. but I don't like it.

2. He lies but I trust. Sometimes people lie because it is the path of least resistance. They don't want a ration of crap when they know their partner may not like what they have to say. They avoid telling her they gave their child a gift or whatever. That doesn't mean they are going to cheat on you.. but maybe just trying to avoid an argument. We can train people to be honest but also dishonest. And.. we all tell white lies on occasion I guess (at least I do..lol..)

3. THe joint finance issue/money control. Well, we all might like to spend our money as we choose on shoes etc.. but perhaps the reason why the SO says "no" is because they know the responsible thing to do is not charge a present for the kids.. but pay down debt? The flip side is that people will use the "we are partners and we should share things..like finances.. married people pool their money etc.. This works for some and not for others. In my case, I have 100% control over my money and 100% control over my DH's money.. but it isn't reciprocal. I get all our bills paid and there is money in his accounts.. but he asks if he can spend it.. Basically, I have done more than my fair share of financial contribution.. and even when he has made good money.. has trusted me to handle it all. But, if he needs/wants to spend, I can tell him whether we can do that or not.

I don't know.. guess there are two sides to things. Sometimes we want to do things differently than we logically know we need to. I know some situations on here seem awfully onesided and like the women are being mistreated... but there are cases where it is probably not as onesided as it appears.

Me too Willow. It seems like the women on here are regressing back to the 50's.

What bothers me is people who on one post say their spouse is a royal jerk and they allow this same DH or DW to disrepect them in ways which make me wonder why these people are so spineless and lack basic self-respect. In the next thread, you see the same poster defending the same crappy husband or wife and making stupid excuses for behaviour no one should put up with. What gives?

I have noticed some real two faced hypocrites who are too ashamed to admit they married a lemon so they stick by their "marriage vows" as if it is a sign of courage. Vomit! Pathetic and stupid don't earn you a merit badge. Grow a spine.

I think there a few things at play here:

1) People are posting anonymously on this site and sometimes it helps to craft the "story" for maximum impact if you push the boundaries a bit on what is really going on.

2) It seems like more and more people - not just women, but men, too - now think and act as if they are passive actors in their own lives. Things happen to them rather than them taking control of their lives. With that in mind, I think there may be some people who feel as if they are being "made" to do something when really, if the objected, they wouldn't be expected or required to do whatever it is. For example, I tell my DH that I don't like it when he expects me to do something like pick up after the kids or babysit when he has to work. He tells me "I don't expect you to do it, but I know you will." He's not making me do those things and if I don't do them he wouldn't tell me I was a terrible wife. He's just assuming in the absence of discussion I'll pick up the pieces, so he's taking advantage, but he's not forcing me to do anything. It's still my choice to agree or object and maybe go out of my way to object if he's just made that assumption without any discussion. If I wasn't the type of person to speak up or object, I might perceive it as him "making" me do those things, even if he isn't really making me.

3) In the same vein as number 2, some of the things you mention (how money is spent, separate finances, etc) are general marital conflicts. If you're the type of person who likes agreement or expects to decide together on things, then you might feel as if your DH holds all the cards for those things, simply because he is objecting. For example, I personally feel conflicted about separate finances. I want for my husband and I to be partners in everything and therefore, I sort of agree with him when he says we should have joint finances because we are partners. However, we aren't partners when it comes to spending money on his kids, so for my own peace of mind, it feels like we have to separate our finances. It's not that my husband is refusing to let me separate my finances, it's just that separating them makes him unhappy. I could see there being people who stop at the unhappiness or view it as a way to control or dominate, when really, it's just a conflict-prone topic.

although we are in 2017, 80% of the world's population is still under the believe that the woman is the home maker and the husband the breadwinner,
due to economy this is not possible anymore, woman needs to work, or wants to work cause we are not 1950 any more, but the males never caught up,
they still think it's a woman's job to raise the kids and take care of the home, cause this is the way people got raised for the past 2017 years..

Woman are still the romantic ones, if they meet some one it's rose colored glasses and they want a specific life, happy family, every one getting along, Man brings the bacon home and she will cook it, but in reality this is not the case any more.... children are not held responsible for their actions, to punish a child is a no no, cause what about Children's rights.... IMHO Children have no right, they are children and have to learn how to be a successful adult one day, who will teach their children, and so on... Schools are not teaching anymore, back in the day you did not dare speaking rude to a teacher or class mate, today it's the norm cause if you punish the poor kid it's a law suit, Way back people did not care if you where slow or had any alphabet illness or not, you had to complete school and you had to find a job and become a earning citizen, technology destroyed basically all of that, and slack parenting...

Now think about it, children evolved into brats over the years, why can adults not evolve where men can do house chores and help with raising the children, cause we are not wired that way....

When I joined ST, I was one off those ladies who kept quiet, ate crap and let the brat be, I wanted to be a good mother, but this site showed me that I do not have to mother her, she has a mother and a father and why should I be doing stuff for her, her own parents are not doing? My point is when you join a site like this, you really tried everything and suddenly you discover there's nothing wrong with you, there's a whole lot of woman who felt like you once, who can help you...... some newbies take the advice home and it works, some newbies are way to scared to do so, cause it's not the way the world works, it's not the way they are wired, we just have to be patient with the new ladies....

I thought about this over the week-end, MIL is close to 80, I'm 4 generations below her, (generation is only 20 years) she told me to dish up for SO, I looked at her and said, he's an adult he can dish up when he's hungry, I'm not his maid.... She simply looked at me like I committed a awful sin, MIL never worked in her life and she was and still is her husband's maid/slave and she thinks all her son's deserves wives like her,
No way I'm going to be like her..... FIL will demand MIL hands him the remote... it's effing next to him, he's just to lazy to reach, pisses me off to no extend cause MIL will be busy dishing up for him... SO tried these tricks on me cause that's how he grew up, I simply ignored him or told him take it your self... this week-end MIL told FIL, it's right there, you can reach it.... he was so stunned he could not speak for 20 minutes and I swear MIL got taller with an inch, you could see her grow, staring to evolve into a new woman