SM getting involved in SD's school...........
The bio mom has phoned me at work regarding school for the SD. At drop off she was showing me school related notes. I do the bulk of the homework with SD, because DH told me he'd rather I do it, as I have more patience, and am more organized. DH is in charge of all school matters, ordered by the court, it is his responsibility to choose the school, and communicate all school things to BM. Some things were not communicated by the school to the BM and the DH and now BM is making an issue out of it. Now DH wants me to go to parent teacher interviews with them to get the progress report first hand....I wanted to opt out of that, but DH says no I want you to go. This will anger BM as she has had issues with me being the other female in the girls lives. Although she has acknowledged that she can see I am not trying to replace her, it has been an issue for her....(I can understand it, but I wouldn't have the problem, because with my own kids, they know who mom is).....Anyway, should I go to PT interviews or not......what does everybody else do.......????? Also bio-mom has shown some willingness to include me in the school matters, as I think she thinks she can manipulate me into convincing DH to switch schools for the kids to a school more of her choosing....
get involved
I do not see any reason why you shouldn't attend the PT conference especially if you are the one who helps them complete their homework.You and your husband are a team and you are raising the children together. I go to all my SS's school meetings etc. My husband and I tried attending the same PTC as BM but have now decided to schedule separate ones. Ultimately it should be your decision and what you are comfortable with.
I agree
You absolutely should attend PT conferences and any school events for your SD. DH and I attend all conferences, school events, sporting events, etc for skids. It shows them that we think school is important and that it is a priority for us. BM does not like that I'm there, has even told DH recently that it is "illegal" for me to talk to teachers, etc about the kids (note that I have never gone to their schools asking for information by myself, DH has been with me at all school conferences. I have however volunteered in the youngest's classroom and she contacted the school to say she is uncomfortable with me being in her child's class). She does what she can to push me away from it, but as long as I continue doing what I feel is important and the right thing I feel good about it. The jury is still out on whether I'll continue volunteering at his school, but I did it for 2 months and the SS's all see everyday how important we think their education is, that's what matters.
With my youngest ss I do almost all homework with him. BF usually does homework with the 13 year old, works better that way. I know that I spend more time doing homework with the youngest than his BM or DH. It drives BM nuts, but I say "If you hate it so much then you must feel threatened... then step up. Do a better job. Be a better parent to the boys than I am." I of course do not actually say that to her, but would like to.
You are a big part in the child's life and have the right to attend these things. You also should attend to show the child your priorities. In the end actions will stand out to them, lead by example.
~S
GO!!
Take it from a SM AND a teacher. Go to the conferences. I have seen too many times divorce parents come in and they have no idea what true progress or ability the child has. If you are the one who helps with homework then you know the strengths and/or weaknesses of the child. Your husband chose that for you. If two parents go in and they are discussing child's progress can they really speak intelligently about how well school is going. No because they really aren't the ones helping. Also if the the teacher offers strategies for helping child you get the info second hand. This is your chance to show parents, child, and teacher that you have stepped up to the plate in helping child succeed in school. Believe me I felt that I shouldn't be at conferences either with my SS but child would't be as far along in school if it wasn't for me and like hell I was going to let BM or even DH take the credit.
Go!
Your SD is a huge part of your life, dont let bi$chy immature BM stand in your way. You love SD obviously or you wouldnt care to put the time and effort into her schooling at all. I do homework with SS every night, I also volunteer in his class once a week and for field day this year I was in charge of potato sack races
I took him to science night and I go to all his school functions. My situation is probably a little different than most because BM lives 6 hours away but I always take every opportunity I can to involve myself MORE in his life. He lives with us 90% of the year ( one weekend a month and 5 weeks of summer with BM) so for me its just natural - Go, your SD will appreciate how much you care!
I will go
Thanks,
I will go to the PT conferences. I don't know what I will say, but already the BM is trying to convince BF that this school is not the answer for SD. As well, she wants to get control of education decisions, and is trying to make us look like we are not totally informed, which makes her look like she is more capable.....I admit some communications have not been passed back and forth, but to me these are minor things, and I trust that the school program is adequate.....this will be interesting, I know I will be taking alot of notes with my daytimer, and most likely one of my goals will be to improve communication amongst the school, the bm and the bf, I think I can help in that department.....although i am getting frustrated about all the accountability I am forced to take wrt to my stepfamily. I work full time, have a child of my own with a chronic metabolic disorder, that needs monitorring constanty, have two grown boys, out of the house, that on occasional I help them out, and then dh and his two little ones.....I am screaming to find time for me.....literaly
I help SD with her homework
I help SD with her homework on our weekends and I used to one weekday every week as well. (I don't go regularly during the week anymore because it's very late for our little one, plus she distracts SD from her work.) SD prefers to work with me because she doesn't get frustrated with me like she does with her parents.
I thought that, as an adult who helps her with her homework, I should be at the parent/teacher conferences for the exact reasons you mention above. Well, BM wrote a two-page letter to the teachers, principal, school board, etc outlining all the reasons I shouldn't set foot at SD's school, which we ignored completely, but she was successful at barring me from the p/t conferences because the teachers said that if a parent objects to a non-parent attending, they have to respect the parent's wishes. I guess it's a privacy law thing or something. We're currently not married - but I don't see anything changing once we are.
Anyway, as a teacher yourself, if a mentally ill BM went off on a rampage and forbade you to see a SM, what would you do? Respect the lunatic or respect the caring adult who wants to help the child excel at school? We just couldn't believe that her jealousy and insecurity were the deciding factors here and not common sense.
I would just love your input as a teacher. Have you ever run into something like this?
the reply above was to Elle36's post
I don't know why it ended up here and not below her post. And I'm a dummy and can't figure out how to delete it and put it where I meant for it to go.