You are here

Family Therapy

newnewnew's picture

Submitted by newnewnew on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 12:18am

Forums: 
Parenting Issues

I recently became a stepmom to 3 1/2 year old twins. I have been in their lives for almost two years. Their mother adored me and thought I was one of the best things to happen to her kids until I married her ex and we asked for more time with the kids. She is mentally unstable and we have had the kids for extended periods of time because of this. When we approached her about a 50/50 split she freaked and has made some decisions based solely on revenge. We are now in the middle of a nasty and costly custody battle. She doesn't want me to have any part in decision making and does not acknowlege me in anyway now. The little boy has been acting out recently and she mentioned to my husband that the four of them should go to family counseling. My first thought was this is just another way to alienate me. Am I out of line in thinking this and would it be beneficial for them to do this?

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 12:24am

My view? Ex's, get your family therapy done BEFORE I come into the picture...otherwise, deal with it.

newnewnew's picture

Submitted by newnewnew on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 12:27am

That is my thought, but my husband is confused about it and says he just wants to do whatever will help his son.

CalgonTakeMeAway's picture

Submitted by CalgonTakeMeAway on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 1:35am

How is he acting out? Is it normal 3 yo behavior? They are not a family unit anymore. She can go to therapy, the kids can go to therapy, DH can go, but I don't think it's appropriate all together. My DH and BM have a few sessions together, but it's because BM will not communicate with DH and it makes co-parenting impossible. The psychologist is trying to get her to cooperate a little...but it has nothing to do with "family".

If his son needs help, take HIM to therapy. Let the therapist evaluate the dynamics between them all and decide what's the best course of action. I'd be pissed if there was "family therapy" with DH, BM and skids and didn't include me.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 2:12am

I used to be in relationship counselling, and think it is unlikely any family therapist worth their salt would countenance a situation where your husband and his ex and children would get counselling as a family and you would be excluded.

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 2:27am

This has happened to me. But my SS was 17 and it was for drug/alcohol and for behavior problems. BM said that DH,SS all had to go together as a "family". Well, I flipped b/c they werent married, and it was 50/50 shared parenting. SS was staying with us 1/2 the time. I called the counseling center they said that they would like ALL parties invovled, but that it was not neccesary. So in other words I was to be included to, but BM left that out. (FYI--Dh did not go)

wkd_sm's picture

Submitted by wkd_sm on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 12:13pm

I understand your point of view and your DHs. He wants what is best for his son and you want what is best for yourself. Encourage some sort of counseling. It is absolutely expected that you would attend at some level as you would be seen as their caregiver when they are in your house. You should be kept apprised of any behavior treatment they try to implement with the child and your feedback and insight should be heard as well.
Stand by your DH and help him do what is best for his son. It sounds like he would love to have your support and would love you even more for caring that his boy is ok (if it is even possible for him to love you more). Smile

P.S. Depending on the situation, sometimes counselors like to have a "meeting" with the two bio-parents together. If this is suggested, find out the reason before making assumptions. Often it is a time when the parents can communicate to the child that, "this is how it is going to be in Dad's house and this is how it's going to be in Mom's house. We will communicate with each other and support each other's parenting styles so don't try and funny business and try to play us (manipulate). Understand?" If that's the case, by all means, you want them to have this meeting. KWIM?

dilde's picture

Submitted by dilde on Tue, 01/31/2012 - 1:19am

I found this is an informative and interesting post so i think so it is very useful and knowledgeable. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article.

psychotherapy denver

lylahonks's picture

Submitted by lylahonks on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 7:39pm

You have the right to decision even though that you're just a step mom and you're lucky that you are the present to her former husband with complete family.

sjbcl106's picture

Submitted by sjbcl106 on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 12:16pm

This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free. It is the old what goes around comes around routine.
mexican spanish translation