SD just barely 17 is having a full on relationship with another female, father knows, mother doesn't...when is it time to tell..
SD, will be 17 in Dec. Splits time between our house and BM. Father and Mother do not speak. BM hates gay people. SD is involved in full on sexual relationship with another female who is 18 and a class act loser. SD is in honor classes at school and participates marginally in after school activities but is losing interest in everything except this girl and anything to do with her. This girl still lives at home, no GED, part time job...can't even write a sentence with real english...writes like a ghetto rat. Is telling SD F#$K Skewl. (school) ..SD writes all this filthy stuff on Tumblr and posts pornographic photos of men w men, women w women, posts graphic death and suicide photos, mangled bodies, people with scars from cutting. I have told her Father about it and tried to show him how gross...he will barely even look and will not tell the BM (whose house the SD is having sex in because we do not allow the loser girl in our home) because he is afraid of what she will do because she hates gays. SD is obsessed with this girl. It is so gross. If she is truly gay, so be it. I do not have a problem with that but she needs to be authentic. Her keeping her life secret is causing her to be angry, and have major health problems. I have observed many anorexic behaviors and she blogs about food constantly but never eats. she also brags of drinking and getting high. I can't decide if I am more worried about what will happen to her or if I am just sick and tired of having her angry self in our home. Last night she raged all over tumblr about me....wait for it.....I WASHED A DIRTY SWEATER OF HERS.....I know. how could I. She thinks I hunted up her room looking for something to wash....hardly. her father got sick of her pigish piles and put it all in the wash....I can't stand this kid anymore...I want her out. She ruins at least 3 days out of everyone of my weeks and I can't take anymore. I know if I tell her mother about her relationship I could put mine in jepoardy but sometimes I don't even care....
Honestly, if this were my
Honestly, if this were my stepkid, I would be doing everything I could to encourage DH to have a conversation with the BM. If not about the sexuality, which at this point seems like a secondary issue in comparison to the things SD is getting herself into. All of these things are self destructive. Think about it this way, if it were a BOY that she was all wrapped up in and changing her behavior would DH go to BM and talk to her about it?
Maybe it can be approached from a "this girl SD is hanging out with" is a bad influence etc. etc. The sexuality of it all doesn't even need to be addressed. The fact is, she is spending a lot of time with this girl and she is causing problems. I would encourage BM to check out SD's social web pages and maybe BM will figure it out on her own.
I have been trying for months
I have been trying for months to get him to talk to BM. I even suggested anonymously mailing copies of pages from the Tumblr account, he won't. He refuses. SD knows that father is aware of Tumblr so if BM finds out SD will know where the info came from. BM has a 10 year long history of irrational reponses no matter what the issue is... my therapist says her behavior sounds extremely Borderline but of course no one knows for sure. He says he is worried what the BM will do to SD if she finds out. BM knows that loser girl is a bad influence and is still allowing her around and even lets her spend the night and come over when SD is babysitting 7 year old brother.
Well, if your DH isn't
Well, if your DH isn't willing to step up and do his JOB as a FATHER, then I guess there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. Why is he afraid of his daughter? Who cares if she knows that HE told her mom about her wrong doings. She is a child and he is her father, he needs to do whatever necessary to protect her. DH needs to get his testicles back from his kid.
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If you're SO isn't going to
If you're SO isn't going to do/say anything about it, there's nothing more for you to do. Disengage. The girl has two parents, and you aren't one of them. If they don't care enough about her to monitor these things, that's their problem.
We had very similar issues with SD16. Lots of very dangerous behaviors and Internet postings. I was the one to view them all, because I'm more savvy than SO. Is was seriously stressing me out, always having to be the one to point these things out. Then I finally printed up a big stack of pages from her postings, handed them to him and told him I would no longer do it, that it wasn't my job, if he cared enough he could do it himself. And he did!
He discussed the postings with SD and put her on restriction. Also showed them to BM (they don't talk, she won't communicate anything unless it's done through skids). Of course, SD quit coming home on our weeks shortly after, choosing to stay at BM's where there were no rules. I was happy to wash my hands of her. A huge weight had been lifted and our house was calm and peaceful again.
I wish that it could be that
I wish that it could be that easy.....I would die for calm and peaceful.
Echo, I never ever thought
Echo, I never ever thought about the guidance counselor aspect. that is a fabulous idea. I agree that she is screaming for help...she has been for years! About 3 years ago she was cutting herself and BM took her to a county appointed counselor who did little to nothing for her. She learned to smile big and snow both her parents, actually all of us until I found her Tumblr. I would never have even went to look for it if she wasn't acting so weirdly giddy about these 2 girls who were 18 and not in her normal circle of friends. She said the word Tumblr soooo many times it was like she wanted me to find it.
I feel for you! I have the
I feel for you! I have the same situation with my honey... he is so passive about things. I don't get that type of parenting. I have gone around my honey with respect to school (his son is flunking and won't graduate), but there is still no discipline with respect to school. Long story with my SS. So, the only thing you can do is disengage. Keep saying, it's not my kid... I guess. It's soooooo hard to ignore that stuff, but you will go nuts. I have been a roaring b*i^ch today because I can't handle my honey's lack of parenting skills. Mine is nothing compared to your situation so hang in there! Get out of the house more... start drinking heavily (just kidding!) I stopped drinking for a while, otherwise, I would be plastered! LOL!
Beware. If BM is going to
Beware. If BM is going to react as badly as you think she will, you might end up with SD fulltime. Not an ideal result.
She will trip herself up in time. Disengage as best you can for the time being, short term sacrifice for a long term gain.
Keep us posted.
uggs idiot, get off my page.
uggs idiot, get off my page.
Update....last Friday, I
Update....last Friday, I emailed the BM with links to some of the offensive pages of her Tumblr from a ficticious email address, so she would actually read it...if it had come from me, she would have just deleted. She flipped as we had expected but SD17 turned the anger from her mother into pity as she made up lies and told her BM that her Dad had been blackmailing her with the information, abusing her and calling her nasty names. All which is ridiculously untrue. BM rose to save the day and moved SD17 out of our house. This is the 2nd time in 2 years that SD17 has moved out and that will be the last. Our home is not a motel you can check in and out of whenever things are not going your way. We are a family, we work thru our problems and then we come out stronger on the other side. I still cannot believe that SD17 was able to manipulate her BM so well....I guess 2 of a kind...sad, I had much higher hopes for SD17.
Pretty much the same thing
Pretty much the same thing that happened with ours. Except our blamed everything on me. She was "reaching out for attention" because I had "stolen" it from her. *boo hoo*
I was happy to be done with her.
It's not your right to tell
It's not your right to tell BM of her daughter's sexuality. As much as you want to you need to just not. You will get the blame for everything and if she lies to her mom it will come back that you are also a liar. It is time for you to disengage.