SD17 asking DH to pay for a trip to Europe
Here is my situation. SD17 is given $100 a week pocket money as part of divorce settlement since the age of 13. DH thought it a good idea to keep it away from BM who was already getting a very nice settlement but he did not think through implications. Last year he organised for SD17 to put $60/week of the $100/week into a savings account and advised SD that $40/week is for her spending and then the rest is for saving for a car or a trip overseas or both if she has saved enough.
Recently SD17 mentioned to her dad in passing that her friend wanted her to come to Europe with her family for 4 weeks. He said but you promised you would look for a holiday job. She said that her friend's parent's are paying for her friend to go. fyi the friend has been working a part time job for a year and gets no pocket money unless she does tasks. They fly out this Saturday. ps not a word of this to me until yesterday.
SD17 has finally got her first part-time job and is only one 8 hour shift a week but its better than nothing.
So DH asked me what I think and mentioned that the SD17 friend's parents raised it with him. I asked him if he advised them that he gives her $100/week and whether it occurred to him that if SD17 is keen why she hadn't already bought the ticket herself?
What should I be saying? I know what I want to say but it has got me in trouble in the past.
Good question. It was an
Good question. It was an existing arrangement but we have been married for 2 years and pooled our funds since then. I am working full time and we are madly saving for a deposit on a house. I would say it is out of my pocket in that we share funds.
I think that he told her that
I think that he told her that the money she is given is for an overseas trip or a car or both. My concern is if we turn around and pay for her air fare and expenses then he is breaking his own rules. If she really wanted to go then she could have come to both of us and discussed it weeks ago and showed a passionate interest and put some money up as discussed with her Dad.
The timing is rushed and I should be asked and consulted on major expenses for either child. We have two, his and mine.
If she asked 4 weeks ago or more then maybe we could come up with a contribution for her Birthday/Christmas present for example.
She is at her mum's this week
She is at her mum's this week and the family fly out next Saturday so we are not left with time with her to discuss this face to face.
How do I get $100 a week just
How do I get $100 a week just for being born? Sorry, this is snarky, but damn, I want that deal.
No that is not snarky. I feel
No that is not snarky. I feel the same but it doesn't help now. It makes me so mad. It is not her fault either. Her parents set up this craziness. Ofcourse my SD17 does not want to work and wants free stuff. I think she thinks love=money. It's sad. This is why I love coming here because people here are sane. I try so hard not to be angry about it. $100 a week for breathing is how I think about it to myself.
Meanwhile I am out working
Meanwhile I am out working full time and missing out on time with my son of 4. BM got expensive house as settlement. I just will not go down that path and besides that her lawyer wiped the floor with him because BM has not worked for 15 years and therefore he had to give her the house and decent amount of cash every week.
Believe me if I start down the path of frustration, I will never stop so I stick to my values. I know DH loves me completely and probably part of it is because I am not a money hungry crazy lady. It is sad that his daughter may be on her way to being one. I think we have to be responsible, especially him to help her have better values.
My god that is over $20,000!!
My god that is over $20,000!! no way would I be forking out one cent for a trip - if she has saved even half taht money since she was 13, she should have more than enough money to buy her ticket!!
That money train needs to
That money train needs to stop. Those parents are fools. Just put the 400 a month away for her. No on this trip, she didn't save for it.
If they don't come up with some harsh realities, I would consider putting my money in separate accounts. I will never understand women combining their money with their spouse. This is our second marriage and we give up all our power when we do this. I did it for awhile with my first husband, but he couldn't save anything, so I separated.
Seriously, why on earth is a kid getting a 100 a month? That is crazy.
Thankyou for making me feel a
Thankyou for making me feel a bit more sane everyone. I needed so much to vent and let it go. Somehow she managed to guilt trip him about that Europe trip. She is good at it.
Now you are making me laugh
Now you are making me laugh out loud. I needed that medicine. Suddenly I felt like crying too. Noone ever treated me like that ever. I won't go on about it but lets just say I had no pocket money and part time jobs plus school or Uni from the age of 15. Maybe it makes me sad that yet again I am the worker bee. To be fair he is too.
Update. DH and I had a chat
Update. DH and I had a chat about this and he has decided no trip to Europe for the reasons that we would all think are sensible. Not enough time to plan, no offer on SD's part to contribute.
SD is reporting that she has not been assigned shifts at her first holiday job. Lets see where that all goes. At least she has a part time job which I did not think would happen.
SD did not miss opportunity to ask Dad behind my back to shout her and 5 of her friends a restaurant dinner for her Birthday which is today. Sort of think the concept is ok (even though it is a million miles away from my own upbringing). Said to him it should have been discussed between the two of us and been an offer from both of us as we share finances. He said "oh but BM paid for a similar one last year." I just gave him the calm look. He has now emailed her that this is a present from both of us.
So guess what 10 of SD17's
So guess what 10 of SD17's friends turn up for their free dinner at the restaurant. I quote comment from one of them to me "When she said her Dad was shouting dinner at a restaurant, I thought cool, noone else does that. I'll be there with bells on." No mention of me who works full time. So when we want her to get out of the house and develop a bit of a social life, no there are no friends but all of a sudden there are 10 friends. Mmmmm. Tell me why does DH lacks basic reasoning skills? He let himself get walked all over again and therefore me in the process.
So I did get a bit growly and he then spoke to her the next day and questioned when she is having her work shifts but did not ask why she invited more friends. Guess what all her shifts are on her mum's time. GRrrrrr. No break for us yet again. Like all her sleepovers ever are on mum's time. GRRrrr.
Oh and while i am venting comment at dinner last night "All my friends are going to Europe and I am not." This is after we said she could take a friend with us on a one week beach holiday if she works hard at her holiday job and does at least some charity volunteer work as well this Christmas.
Sorry I am going to lose it soon. Help me. We have this until mid February when she goes to Uni. Don't think I will last. I have been working with DH and overall there have been improvements so I really do not want to lose it.
Again I point out - $20,000.
Again I point out - $20,000. I would not be contributing one single cent to this child for anything. That type of money for any child is insane and I cannot believe any parent would think that is a normal way to raise a child. No wonder she thinks she can have whatever she likes. That money train needs to stop.
ps anyone know why it is that
ps anyone know why it is that she organises to go out or work on her mum's time and seems determined to be home with us. OK maybe she likes us. I wonder if it is because DH has created dependency with all this spoiling? Anyone else had this issue?
Makes me think of that Fluke
Makes me think of that Fluke idiot that has been on the news all day whining about not having free birth control.
I grew up way below the poverty line and made $1 an hour working my way thru school. Back when nothing was open at night and it was just a few hours a week in the library. But I managed to pay for my BC back when you couldn't even get a prescription on campus.
I can't believe how fucking entitled some of these brats are.