Im new here...needing your help PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

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From what I have been reading... I think I have found the help I have been looking for. For 6yrs, I have been having to deal with my hubby's daughter (30yrs old) and son (28 yrs old).

I'm not sure how to go about writing about all this..but here it goes.

My husband was married for 27yrs, and lost his wife in 2002 to cancer. From what he has told me, and other family members have told me...it was a rocky marriage. His wife let the children do what ever they wanted, bought them anything they wanted, let them run wild. As they got older, she was unable to get them to mind her...so she would tell their dad to discipline them. And when he did, she would scream at him to not ground HER children, to not scold HER children, and she was very verbally abusive to him (in front of the kids)....so he gave up trying to discipline the kids. After she passed in 02', he put all his time into his now grown children, to try and ease the pain of them losing their mother...and they used him to the fullest!

Well, we met in 2006', fell madly in love (and still are after 6yrs...Hes my best friend!) and married 4 months later. His kids were on their own when we met, and said we were acting like teenagers when we were dating (holding hands etc). They ACTED like I was OK in their book when I spent $600 on them that first Christmas..even told their daddy he done GOOD by marrying me. Things were up and down with both his kids through this time..when we spent money on them..everything was OK. When we didn't, they said I was spending their daddy's money (I was also working). The 2nd Christmas, I didn't spend as much (I had a heart attach and was out of work)..his kids had even less to do with their daddy. By the 3rd year, they had stopped coming to the house because they didn't like seeing another woman in their MAMAS house! Now, 6yrs later..its gone completely down hill...the more I try to have us be a part of their lives, the more they let me know I am NOT welcome. It all comes down to money, and my husband and I both agree that we WILL NOT buy their love!

All of this is hurting their daddy....they dont want him to be happy, and they have told people in the community that they will do what ever they can to get me out of their mamas house (always the mama..not their daddy's house)..even to the point of saying they will burn it down some day..if im in it or not! I'm to the point of leaving my best friend because I dont want to come between my husband and his grown kids! I cant handle the stress anymore! My grown son (24yrs old) Loves my husband so much, and is so happy for us! When he calls us, he always asks to talk with my husband also! He respects my husband because my hubby is good to me and loves me..he doesn't beat me like my sons father did! And he loves us BOTH without us having to spend a dime on him..he loves us because we are BOTH parents to him! WHY such a difference in three grown children!!!

I'm hurt (being called a EVIL stepmother to my face now)...I cant do anything more...
Any response or suggestion would help me tremendously right now....Thanks much

You don't have to leave your

You don't have to leave your house. In fact, if they are threatening to burn it down, you may want to get a restraining order. Things are not going to get any better if you encourage them to try to include you in their lives. You are very lucky they don't want anything to do with you. You don't have to tell them to get lost. It appears you and your DH are on the same page, and he is supporting the marriage. As far as what they say in the community, if you tell the truth eventually they will be 'found out'. Hang in there!

What about his sexual needs?

What about his sexual needs? Are they willing to meet those?

His kids cleaned out

His kids cleaned out EVERYTHING (that had anything to do with their mother) when we were on our honeymoon. And then asked hubby for other things that they KNEW were his from his childhood! He put his foot down right away on that! I had a full house full of furniture, dishes etc...so at the time, we said what the heck..let them have their mothers things. What he didn't have, and I didn't have, we bought!

Y'all are great...Thank you for helping me with this!

I do not understand adults

I do not understand adults who refuse to just live their own lives and let their parent live theirs. And how could anybody not want their widowed parent to be happy? After my mom died, I hurt for myself and always will, but I also really hurt for my dad. I would have done anything to stop that hurt.

I do not need nor want all of my dad's attention. I do not need nor want his money. And his house is just that, his house (and his wife's), not mine.

I want my dad to be happy. I know that he loved (still loves) my mother. His wife knows that he loved my mother. But my mother is gone and he has a right to be happy and should not have to be alone the rest of his life.

One of the key things to happiness and living longer is having someone to share your life with. It is a damn shame that these "adults" don't want that for their parent.

Well said! I too am a step

Well said! I too am a step daughter, my parents divorced when I was 2 years old. My dad remarried 46 years ago, and is still married to my stepmother. My narcissistic mother is a different story!!! She has been married and divorced 8 times!! And I cared about almost all of my step dads ( 2 of them I didn't know very well). All the others were good men that were sucked into my mothers web, and all of them were good to us kids(as children and adults). But each and everyone of them were taken to the cleaners by this woman (my mother), and each time she moved us..my heart hurt. My mother turned my stepmother into a very bitter and sad woman with all her lies...to this day my mother cant stand that dad married her! And from the time we were kids, stepmother didn't want anything to do with us..because it meant having to deal with our mother. Well....out of 5 kids, only ONE has anything to do with our mother...and im not one of them.

I'm NOT going to let my hubby's kids turn me into a bitter sad woman! Hubby and I talked, and im NOT going anyplace!

I have to say...I was sucked

I have to say...I was sucked into her pity parties on and off for years, and was her only care giver as she got on in age.I took her abuse, over and over..and went NC almost a year ago when she made sexual advances towards my hubby, then telling me I wasn't good enough for him and didn't deserve him! The woman is sick!!!! She has caused MANY divorces and hurt many children over the years! She caused my stepmother nothing but hell for years...shes a sick sick woman!

I am older and most of my friends are in their 60s and 70s. Some of my closest friends have had talks with their children that if one of the parents dies the other should find someone new.