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My Boyfriend has two sons and I babysit them A LOT!!

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Parenting Issues

I have been with my bf for a year and currently live with him. He has two sons that he has full custody of and live with him and me. I have recently begun to feel fustruated in the relationship because my bf assumes that I need to babysit them and be in charge of their care. I do everything for them...from baths to homework etc. Me and my bf both work full time jobs and I have begun feeling tired and treated unfair. Sometimes he goes out with his guy friends and I usually am the one to babysit. Recently, he has been saying things jokingly (I think) like "You need to do this to work off your rent money." I have tried offering him rent money since it's his house but he doesn't want to accept it. Still, I feel like maybe I should just pay it anyway if he's going to use remarks like this...it makes me not want to do anything for him. I am also feeling weighed down because the boys (his kids) are calling me mommy sometimes and I am the gf at this point. My bf avoids talking about marriage and the future. I am totally contemplating breaking up with him because two nights ago he went out with his friends to see a fight and he showed up at 3AM. When he got home he seemed disoriented and a little cold towards me. In the morning he woke me up to take me out for breakfast and then later on a date. I have to admit my mind was distracted a little but then all the resentment about being out till 3AM came back. He was out from 5pm till 3am and he claims he was just drinking and gambling a little bit... but for that long???!!! Anyway, I'm tired of feeling like the babysitter in this relationship. Am I being unreasonable to leave him for the above??

I also forgot to mention, my bf and I are both 31 and I have never been married or have children (even though I really want some soon) and he is divorced and the kids mom is not full time in the picture.

Yeah I feel like a live-in babysitter who provides sex. Recently though he has begun sayin that he prefers to sleep with his sons (age 4 and 7) then with me. Thanks for the comment.

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Fri, 05/10/2013 - 1:54pm

Hmmmm, this has red flag written all over it IMHO. I would get out while the getting is good. More than likely this will not change. I hope it all works out for you <>

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 4:44pm

Shit, I'd be outta there so fast his head would spin clean off his shoulders if he told me I had to "work off my rent money". Fuck that.

Unreasonable? It's unreasonable to STAY with this douche canoe. He treats you like a live in babysitter/maid PLUS you have to work a full time job.

Get out now while you can. Smile I'm serious.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Submitted by Kilgore SMom on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 5:01pm

I have been with my SO for 8years and sometimes I feel the same way. But I'm not as young as you and I have 2 gown daughters. Last week my SO didn't come home till 8am the next day. So let me say even though I haven't left. I would advise you too. You are to young and you want a family. The years will go by so fast that your time will be up before you know it. And this mans kids will grow up and he will not need you anymore. Thens its to late for you to have a family. His disrespect show in the things he says. My So still hasn't not commented to me and this was talk about before we moved into together. Alot of the promise made were not keep. If we would have just date for say a year, we probalby wouldn't be together now. A lesson I have leared in life is date for a long time make sure the things that you want in a relationship are happening before you live together, if there not then its easyer to stop the relationship. If I ever leave I will not forget this.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 5:54pm

If you won't leave then start changing the scene on him. Next time he says "My buddies are going to do so and so next whatever night" say "Funny, I am going out with my friends that night too" and do it. You are not his babysitter. Stop that in its tracks right now.

But if really isn't interested in talking marriage and kids, he isn't interested in doing those things with you. It really does not sound good. I'd move along if I were you.

silentnites's picture

Submitted by silentnites on Mon, 04/22/2013 - 7:58pm

Great advice in all of the posts above, not much I can add. I do think you have seen a window into your future and you should close it. I agree, you are not the house maid, find someone else to share your love.

lawannadashun's picture

Submitted by lawannadashun on Wed, 05/08/2013 - 2:24pm

Oh hell no!!!!!!!!!!! Have you asked yourself why you're there? If so what answer did you come up with?

betterdaysahead12's picture

Submitted by betterdaysahead12 on Wed, 06/12/2013 - 6:35am

I'm in the same situation with my husband. Last night I just had 'the talk' with him so that things can improve. I have a life too. They have a mother. Also, he is their father. At the very least it is fair that he try to find alternate child care. Just because you are home doesn't mean you want to spend your time caring for his kids round the clock. I do the same thing. I thought that since we all lived together, that's the way it is, but honey no it's not. After reading through these posts, I realized that I am being taken advantage of. Ask yourself, what would he do if you 2 were not dating? He would find other childcare, so he can do that while you are with him. You should really evaluate your situation because you state that he is your BF. If you guys get married, it will continue. I hope that my situation improves as well. I just like you also work FT. There is no reason why after working all day, you should then be sitting at home with his kids while he is running around for all those hours gambling and drinking with his friends.