It's always ME that has to change or go out of my way
Haven't posted in awhile or even signed in, been lurking 
I need your opinions, Of course it's just "a little issue" which touches on the big issue of respect for me with FDH and his family, I'm angry and irritated that I'm always the one thats expected to go out of my way when not one word is said to his family.
We were at a game, I was sitting watching in my chair when FDH's sister, niece, dad and SD16 come. They set their chairs up 5 feet directly behind me and I was the only person in my area and left room for them assuming we would sit next to eachother. :?
I stayed seated where I was- I was already there and I felt as though if they wanted to sit by me they would have, since they chose to sit behind me then they obviously didn't want to right????? FDH tells me I should move MY chair back and sit with them ???????? I said no I was here, there was plenty of room for them to sit by me if they wanted to and they chose not to.
I brought it up after I got home and said that was awkward , FDH lays into me about how I just had to prove a point and stand my ground by not moving my chair and refused to see or accept that his family went out of their way to not sit by me. finally he says "what do you want me say? they hate you??? "Big deal they sat behind you, you chose to not move your chair back"
:jawdrop:
It's always MY fault, or I didn't try hard enough or move my chair back. I fought and I just shut down. This is some bullshit, I just wish he could see things from my perspective. He's so protective over his family I feel completely shoved aside.
Am I knit picking or being too sensitive?????
Guys are usually too dense to
Guys are usually too dense to sense passive-aggressive or relational aggression tactics.
You are not nit picking or being too sensitive. He is just too dense to realize it and there is no way to make a man realize things that, as women, we just KNOW.
EXACTLY to the T how I feel
EXACTLY to the T how I feel and what FDH is doing. Like you said I just want him to SEE it, after a huge fight he said he does see it but asks me to also see that I get mad over every little thing........
I asked him to put his defense down and take his rose colored glasses off and the shit for what it is. They didn't want to sit by me period
He just doesn't get it and I'm so frustrated I could bang my head against the wall
I'll turn it around. If I
I'll turn it around. If I specifically did not sit next to someone I'd be pissed if they came over and sat with me.
What is this was a bleacher situation and you did not sit next to BM? Wouldn't it bother you if she then came over and moved to sit next to you?
What Hypovic said... Did it
What Hypovic said...
Did it ever occur to your DH that IF the fam wanted to sit by you, they would have? But apparently, for whatever reason, they didn't.
And how awkward would it have been for you to chase them around? And why should you be expected to?
Thats what I said! Had the
Thats what I said! Had the situation been the other way around, I would have brought my chair up and sat right next to them! He didn't have anything to say when I said that bc he knew I was right
I totally agree with Hypo!
I totally agree with Hypo! 100% again! She's hit it right on the head
Yes She did! It's hard to
Yes She did!
It's hard to let things go when I KNOW they will resurface again...ugh
Hypovic is right. That is
Hypovic is right. That is exactly how I feel. As long as DH acknowledges their bad behavior to me when I complain I feel better. I know they aren't going to stop their stupid shit. But at least I know its not just me DH does see what's happening.
Thnanfully my FDH is somehow
Thnanfully my FDH is somehow more sensative than i am. I had this same issue over fathers day. we went out with his brother n their family n his friends and for the 3rd time they seemed to b intentionally avoiding me and every time he would try to say no its not like that theyre just oblivious. and i kno he didnt want to see it and i didnt want to believe it either because i know they are important to him so on fathersday here we are at the lake and its happening again. He didnt believe me until i was sitting with his brother and said hey thank you for being one of the few people in this group who actually talks to me. He apologized for everyone and said that i just come off a little strong and that there were some issues needing to b addressed etc. i told my FDH and ooops maybe shouldnt have. he felt so bad he drank a bit too much and told his brother that he was furious that they were ignoring me and that they should be supportive blah blah blah which turned into the brother blaming his wife for avoiding me... they didnt notice that while they were talking i took it upon myself to attempt to reslove the situation. I went over to the girls and after a few small talk lines i mentioned that we were stressed and that he was getting frustrated and me and the girls cleared the air. we went over the "issues" and although i may not agree with them i do respect their right to feel that way so i apologized and my futer sis in law in one of my bridesmaids now. lol. Being all "grown up" sucks ass. its awkward and uncomfortable and it sucks to bite your tounge, but sometimes a little communication can go a long way. everything is good now and we are all getting together again this weekend without all the tension in the air. Dont get me wrong im not saying you were "wrong" or anything and chasing them around isnt helpful either, but sometimes if you approach it calmly and openly just saying hey, maybe this is all in my head, but it seems like you guys are avoiding me, did i do something to offend you? and that way you have given them a chance to clear things up, and if they kep it up after that then you can honestly say you at least tried to resolve it and your DH should respect you and your relationship enough to have your back. Good luck!
His sister restricted me on
His sister restricted me on fb and I called her out on it and asked her if I did anything to her or to offend her and she played dumb and said I didn't do anything and she has no idea how and y I'm restricted- we only figured it out bc FDH was asking me if I seen something and he pulled it up and I showed him mine and he had access and posts on page and barely anything came up under me.
It's the passive aggresive rap I cannot stand, if you got an issue lets deal with it instead they do intentional hurtful shit and play dumb. Like I said, they can do what they want I would just like FDH to SEE it and acknowledge it
well if you have already
well if you have already tried to work things out with them and they refuse to work with you then you need to tell him. no ifs and or buts. tell him flat out that as your FDH you need to feel like he will support you. I had that issue with my ex nhe always blamed me...hence y hes my ex..well one of many reasons of course...but he should be there for you and id tell him flat out, look i love you and im not trying to make you choose between me and your family, but i need to be able to talk to you about this stuff and i need you to support me. that you understand that he doesnt want things to be like that and you dont expect him to "fix" it, but that you just need him to be supportive. a lack of support makes it feel like hes against you i know. It sux. guys hate feeling like something is wrong that they cant "fix" its a merry go round but i hope you guys can work it out. Just try to remember its his family so he feels responsible and his denial is in part just him not wanting to feel like he failed you somehow.
ITS called
ITS called Disengaged.......you will save yourself a lot of heartake. So glad you didn't move your chair. I do not bend over backwards anymore for people that are just down right RUDE. They are no better than you and your husband should be ashamed to have expected you to move your chair. I would have said something like oh I didn't even no they were sitting behind me they weren't there when I sat down. I wonder why they didn't sit by me and left it at that. that may have had him think about it. You will learn that men will always be protective of there so called idiot family members we as the wife are expected to just keep on taking the bull sh*t. The husband don't want problem but the way I see it he should be manning up and realize it for what it is his family are IDIOTS. the best thing you can do is ignore them be polite and leave it at that walk away . you will be the bigger person
People have told me the same
People have told me the same thing on my posts--men like this are passive and people-pleasers/appeasers. They are driven and act out of fear based behavior. It will ALWAYS be our faults as stepmoms, period. We're always the problem, right?? Convenient scapegoats. It's the blame game, except the blame never shifts to anyone else
I had similar at a Hen event
I had similar at a Hen event recently.... The ExW is invited to my huband's neices' Hen event --- she's been to them all ... I am only on the scene 3 years - she and my husband split some 15 years ago ... anyway - they still invite her and now they invite me (don't worry - it's the last one I'll go to!) Anyway - the seating plan at dinner - they sit her between sisters and cousins (who I know) at one end of the table and me with bride's sister and a friend (who I don't know) at the other....a party of about 20 of us...... so I try and have good time chat, laugh etc..even though they had pics on the wall of the ExW and my husband 'in the good old days'..... so insensitive......... evening wears on and the sisters eventually come to see me saying ''well if mohammed wont come to the mountain.............." .... there's no way I was going to their end of the table and speak to ExW.
I can't work his family out .... I think they want to think there is no problem as it was 'so long ago' -- but how insensitive can people be? And yes - my husband wont talk about it and thinks I'm just being insecure.... WTF -- I dont want to be her friend an hear about 'how good the old times were'......... If she carries on I might just ask her about how it was when they broke up.....
I think that was extremely
I think that was extremely rude of them.